When I was considered to be a child, which is a very long time ago, I did not like to hurt anything. Never. When I practiced swordfighting, I cringed. Archery, I made sure not to hit any birds or beasts. People thought I was a little abnormal, if sweet.
I grew up fast, and I learned that sometimes killing and hurting was necessary. That killing sometimes ends the pain. As I fought my way through Wargs, Orcs, and other foes, I imagined that they were in pain. I imagined that they needed to die so they could be in peace, away from evil and darkness.
I grimaced and slashed my way through a group of large Uruk-hais. Saruman had created this beasts, which were larger and more ferocious than Orcs. I had been summoned by Lord Elrond, Lord Celeborn, and Lady Galadriel to lead and to fight with Lorien troops in Helm's Deep. To give hope for Men.
It was horrible. There were thousands of enemies, and I remembered my childhood as I killed each one. They're in pain, I kept reminding myself. They're in pain.
I saw Aragorn shouting at me, even as he fought: "Haldir! Am marad! Nan barad!" Even as he spoke soldiers were retreating to the Keep. I nodded to the man, who nodded in return and went about in his own path of fighting.
I did not stop, however.
They were in pain. They were all in pain. Death was the escape route. The light out of Darkness.
I cut through an Orc. It was then the pain hit me.
It was my back. A blasted Uruk-Hai had raised his mace to my back. I blindly killed him off, and sank to my knees. It was terrible. I could feel my life-source draining.
I looked at the ground, covered by fallen soldiers. They had escaped this battle. Many of them had a pained or surprised expression. Was then death an escape? Could they ever escape from the horrors they had seen and taken part of? This battle... I was confused. To take a life was horrible. But it was also a solution...
I felt the ground nearing toward me. Even as then I felt a man - Aragorn - lean me toward his body, trying anxiously to heal me. "Haldir," he breathed. His voice sounded so far away... But it was too late. Too late.
I was going. Going to the Halls of Mandos. Never would I see the Undying Lands. Never. But strangely I felt happy.
Through my life I had been in pain; both physical and emotional. Although most of my immortal life had been fine, I had always felt a missing part gnaw at my heart. I did not know what that part was. Even when I became the Marchwarden of Lorien, I did not know.
I had been in pain, surrounded by evil and darkness.
Death take me to the Halls of Mandos.
In this hour of Darkness, I saw my ray of light.
Fin. Author's Note: This is slightly AU. Also, Haldir is not paranoid. Just warning people.