Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this story. All I own is my idea, and maybe my slightly twisted vision of the world.
A.N. He so, I've been gone a long time (sorry to those of you who follow A Court of Guns and Glass), and I'm just trying to get back in the grove of things. I've hit kind of a dud with my long term story, so i did this to unclog the pipes. R & R if you like it.
Of Breaking up, and Getting Back Together
There is an audible crack as my fist connects with his face. He stumbles back a step, holding his jaw. I know that he'd be gaping at me if I had left him with the capacity. His eyes are wide, he reaches a hand out to me and i step away from him. I curse the tears that pour down my cheeks and cloud my vision.
"When i say don't touch me, it means don't touch me. You bastard." At that I turn on my heel and run. The tears have increased, and now I'm running blind. But i don't care, I keep running.
I take the first left I come too. I then take another left, and four rights before I finally run into a dead end. I back myself into a corner, and finally let what happened hit me. I sink down until I'm sitting with my knees bent in front of me, creating another barrier. I then put my face in my hands and begin to sob.
It's only mere moments until he's there with me. Squatting down, and putting his stupid hand on my knee. For a second fear flashes through my mind. What if it's not him. What if it's another back alley drunk here to do "that" to me again. I stop crying, retreating further into myself.
"Jesus Nico, were you trying to break my jaw?" I raise my head and meet his eyes. I expect him to be angry, to want to hurt me for punching him in the way that i did.
Instead when I meet his blue eyes, he's grinning.
He keeps his left hand on my knee, but his right comes up to touch the side of my face lightly. When I don't pull away he slides it to the back of my neck. I can't even understand what is happening. Shockingly, I don't flinch as he touches me, but I can feel that my eyes are wide, and hot tears continue to pour down my cheeks. He leans forward until our foreheads meet, and something inside me breaks.
I take both my hands and wrap them around him. I bunch his shirt in both my hands as I try to pull him closer to me. This is a terrible idea, seeing as there are entirely too many knees involved. Mine are still in front of my chest, and I basically just end up yanking Will into them. Since he's squatting his are only a little farther apart than mine are, and they fall until they're flanking my hips.
In this moment i become entirely awkward. To his credit, Will handles the whole thing with a hell of a lot of grace. Instead of rolling back, and landing on his ass, he presses his weight into his knees and shins, moves his left hand to the wall behind my head, and uses it to keep our faces from smashing into each other. This all happens in the space provided by no more than a second, and I squeak at the new intimacy. He lets out a sigh, and begins to push himself away from me.
Something in my head slams down, knocking me out of my revere. I don't want him to move. I want him right here, right on my lap. And i want him here for the rest of forever.
I let my legs straighten under him, and release my death grip on his shirt with both my hands. I grab his face, and without giving myself room to be afraid, I press my lips against his.
I can tell I've shocked him. He freezes instantly. He doesn't even let himself kiss me back.
After long seconds I break away and put my forehead on his chest. His breath comes out in short puffs.
"So, are you still breaking up with me?" This kind of sentence would normally hold some humor, but his voice has none. I know that I've confused him, only minutes ago i was dumping, and then punching him.
I don't want to confuse him, i want to give him something solid. But i don't have anything solid to provide. All I've got is these pieces that I've been shattered into. I know he deserves more. That's why we're where we are right now, i was trying to let him go. Let him move on from me.
"Yes?" There is entirely too much question in my voice.
"Are you asking me?" I blink against his chest. I have no idea what to say. "Because if you're asking me, then the answer is no. The answer will always be no. I've fought too hard for you to just let you walk away from me."
I've heard these words before. Heard them a thousand times in the last week alone. But no. No more. He doesn't deserve this. "Just let me go." my voice is a hoarse whisper against him.
"No."
I pull my hands away from his face as i sit up. I don't meet his eyes as i shift to push on his chest with my hands. I push until he finally leans away from me a little. I take a deep breath, and meet his intense gaze.
"Let me go." I say again, more confident now.
"No." He says, putting hard force behind it.
"Will." I've stopped crying, thank the Gods, but i know it's going to take a lot more to get him to leave me.
"No. Nico, stop." I know that he doesn't want me to say it again. I know that I don't want to say it again.
I swallow and accept the inevitable. "I can't be with you anymore. It's too painful. I'm trying to move on from what happened, it's just that every time i look at you I get pulled back into it. Not because of anything you did, but because i feel guilty that I can't get over this faster. I'm angry at everything. I'm angry at the man who did this too me, I'm angry at the world for letting this happen, but most of all I'm angry at myself. And every day i get closer to being angry at you. I don't want to be angry with you. Because i, because i" Suddenly his hand has moved from my neck, and his index finger is pressing against my mouth.
"Don't say it. Don't say it again. You don't mean it."
Rage fills me. Hot rage, that i'm weepingly grateful for. It makes me grounded, makes me stronger. I pull my feet under me, and bolt to a standing position. I look down at him.
"I've always meant it, you jackass. I've never said it when I didn't mean it." The words are venom and I spit them at him.
He's fallen onto his ass, and he's staring at me with astonishment befitting a god.
"It's because I mean it that i need to leave. Don't you see you daft buffoon? I'm trying to let go of you, let you go pursue happiness. But for some goddamned reason you won't let me."
He stands at that. Ascending to his natural height, and taking the high ground.
"What if you're my happiness di Angelo?" His voice is beginning to rise.
"Then that's just fan-fucking-tastic." I'm matching his volume.
"What am i supposed to do then, let my happiness go?"
"How am i supposed to know?" He glares at me. I glare back. We stand in silence so tense that someone could come cut it with a knife. After a few torturous moments i can't take it anymore. "Well i guess you could try and hold on to that happiness, if you're willing to make the necessary sacrifices." We stand in more silence as I wait for him to say something. When he doesn't i speak again. "Are you willing?"
"To what?" He snaps, rather aggressively.
"To make the necessary sacrifices that being with me entails?" I'm still yelling, and we're still glaring.
"Are you willing?"
"I've always been willing you idiot."
"Then i guess i don't have a choice."
"I guess you don't."
"Fine."
"Fine."
He rushes forward then. His left hand cups the back of my head, as his right arm wraps around my waist. He pulls me to him, and pushes his lips down on mine, hard. I wrap both of my arms around his shoulders, and meet the forcefulness of his kiss head-on.