Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 68th cycle. Now cycle 69!
"Dating & Starting"
Nora (AU!Beth), Emily, Grace
Sunshine Girls 2 series
(all series now listed under the communities tab in my profile)
She had never felt anything but pride for herself when it came to who she was. It didn't matter to her, no more than it should, that she was into girls and not guys. Still she'd found that this only went so far. She'd never really liked to share the details of her dates, not beyond the broad strokes, where they'd gone, what they'd done once they were there, how it had ended… Maybe it made her feel too on display; maybe she didn't want them realizing there was still that sort of doubt, of awareness that she was, for all intents and purposes, settling. She didn't want them realizing that she was going on these dates because she was trying to convince herself to move on, all the while thinking about the girl who'd had her heart all along without knowing it.
To tell the story she was about to tell, she knew she would have to lie. She knew she would have to leave out the part where she had broken one of her own rules in even going out with the girl. The entire existence of the date had been born out of Nora meeting her and discovering she was also a lesbian. She kept telling herself the only way she would get over Grace was by opening herself to the possibility of someone else, so she'd made herself go to the girl and ask her out. Whether she ever realized what was actually happening, Nora didn't know, still to this day.
She would also have to lie about how she'd felt through the entire time they spent together. She couldn't tell Grace or Emily just how much she felt out of place and fake, how she felt for sure her head would explode out of the sheer force it took for her to appear the slightest bit interested in this girl, how awful she felt for involving her in her own inner turmoil, and why she'd gotten her a gift in the end, just so maybe it'd make up for any part of it.
Most of all she would have to lie about after the date, how she'd hurried back to her room and shut the door, just in time so no one would see her tears, thinking at the time that she could never find anyone she could love that wasn't the girl who unknowingly had her heart.
She would tell this truncated little story because it was Emily and for that reason alone.
X
Her name was Natalie. She'd just moved to Lima at the start of the school year, and she was still kind of a mystery to all of them. She'd become less of a mystery when, in the middle of English class, for some reason Nora might have known if she'd actually been paying attention, she had almost casually let slip that she was gay. By lunch time, Nora had become intrigued enough that she'd taken up her courage and asked the girl if she wanted to go to the fair that was in town. 'As friends?' she'd asked, and Nora had shaken her head to say 'No, as a date.' And Natalie had said yes.
Nora had been assisted by Emily to prepare herself, as she'd done before and would continue to do after, and then she had gone off to meet Natalie at the fair. She was nervous the entire time heading there, spent who knew how long telling herself that everything would go terribly wrong. How could this ever go right, for her of all people? It hadn't taken long for her to realize that Natalie was just as nervous as she was, and it had helped to get the ice cracked if not broken.
They had gone on a few rides together, played some games, then stopped to get something to eat, where Natalie smiled, enjoying herself both in the activities and in being there with Nora, who smiled back to her. The nerves had disappeared without them realizing it.
Before they could leave, Nora had wanted to do something for Natalie. They'd played the game earlier, neither of them winning, but Nora knew she had a better throwing arm than she'd let on, so she'd suggested they should go back and try again. When she did, she won a stuffed panda, which she gifted on to Natalie. The girl was excited, thanking Nora profusely and planting a kiss on her cheek. Nora had nodded shyly and they'd gone on their way. They would part where they had met up earlier, neither of them sure whether or not they should kiss, so they'd left it at that.
X
"So it wasn't nearly as bad as I worried it might be," Nora told Emily.
"But you didn't go out with her again, did you?" Emily pointed out, and Nora frowned.
"No, but that wasn't the point, was it? We did… We had a good time. A-and you will, too. You'll have a better time. Emily, I'm telling you, just… be yourself. That's who Kelly wants. He's nuts about you, as well he should be," she smirked, nudging her.
"Right," Emily bowed her head.
"Look at you, Emily Holt, all shy and everything," Grace smirked.
"Even I have my moments," Emily turned her head back up. "So what do you think? On a scale of one to ten, how do I look?" she asked, trying to sound enthusiastic rather than terrified.
"You're perfect, now off you go, your prince awaits," Nora had her stand.
"And he won't be a frog this one," Grace promised.
"He may yet be… he may yet be," Emily went on, but still before she went, she turned to her two best friends, let them see even for just a few seconds how thankful she was to them, how anxious she was – in the best way – to be going out there with Kelly that night. She pulled the both of them into a hug and held on tight before finally heading out. Left to pick up the mess they'd made in helping Emily, the other two worked in near silence. What could they even say? All this talk of dates, and neither one of them could share these secrets they had for one another.
"Think she'll tell us how it went?" Grace asked as they left.
"She better, after all this," Nora smiled to herself, then turned to look at Grace. It was never going to be easy, looking at her, even with how well things were going with Francesca. But that was just how things had to be. She wished she could have told that other version of herself, who'd sat in her room crying after her date with Natalie, how it was going to turn out for her. Even then, and this her present self had yet to learn, it was a story still unfolding.
THE END
A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.
In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are
always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!