A Little Something Like Closure
You don't know if you can handle it anymore – the constant death.
It surrounds you. If not just you, the other surgeons as well. And if not just them, it surrounds Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital too.
Death is a common ground between you and your group of friends, it seems. Loitering above your heads like a lightning cloud in those Super Mario video games.
You can't escape it.
For it follows you everywhere. It's at every corner, hovering over your shoulder, lingering in your mind.
Amongst the smiling faces of loved ones in your memories, you see it.
The brutality. The dread.
Every single memory you have of the deceased is consistently spoiled by this never ending plague.
Something once sweet twisted and turned with bloody faces, lifeless eyes, tears, sobs, etc.
And you don't want to remember any of them that way, but it seems like every time you try it only makes everything so much worse – because you're thinking about it. The more you think about forgetting the memory the more you remember.
It doesn't really make sense, but what does anymore?
Because everyone is dead.
Susan. Ellis. Charles. George. Adele. Doctor Thomas.
Mark.
Lexie.
Nothing has to make sense at all, damn it. And you almost lost Derek and Christina. You almost lost Arizona and Callie, too. You might as well have lost Izzie. You almost lost your own life, on more than one occasion – if you want to get technical.
You're tired of the consistent worrying.
You're tired of wondering who it was going to be next time.
You're tired of being tired.
But for some, sick and psychotic reason you haven't worked out yet, you can't seem to pull yourself away from this cursed Hospital.
Unless it's just you who's cursed and killing everyone around you.
Perhaps though, it may have had something to do with the sense of accomplishment, of pride, when you actually save a life. No matter whose life it is. You could say that you saved them, and you could look their family in the eye and smile and tell them everything was fine, everything went great.
And you could say that you were there for them. Like you were for Melissa.
However, unlike how you were for Lexie.
Someone who had the same injuries as Melissa, only not trapped under a car and instead a 3 thousand pound plane.
Your own sister.
Little sister at that. Someone you were supposed to protect.
Everything reminds you of her. Your house, the hospital, your father, your last name, yourself, the Etch A Sketch that hasn't left the bookshelf. And the more obvious things, of course.
Like the picture of you and her, arms around each other's waist, smiling brightly at your husband around the camera, maybe a little drunk.
You've looked at it every night since the plane crash.
It's the only picture you have with her – and you regret that every day.
Mostly though, you regret not being there when she died. You regret not being there to hold her hand, to tell her that you loved her and that she was your only real family so she couldn't die and leave you alone like that.
You regret not being able to tell her that she was the best thing (one of, anyway) to come into your life despite your apprehensive beginning with her.
You regret not being there for her when she was in, what one could only imagine, unbelievable pain and hardly able to breathe.
You just regret not saying goodbye.
Honestly you're happy though, that Mark was there holding her hand, telling her he loved her.
She didn't go alone, and that's the only thing that manages to comfort you.
"Lexie is dead."
Yeah, you told it to Christina with tears swimming in your eyes. It was what one would assume as an act of accepting the fact that your beautiful little sister was gone.
What a load of bull.
Because you still can't help but wake up in the morning and expect to see her on your living room couch at 6 in the morning, watching surgeries with a cup of coffee. You can't help but wake up and think you'll find her running around Seattle Grace, trying to deal with her crazy emotions and Mark.
You miss her.
And you just want your baby sister back.
Hello, everyone! I wanted to do a little something that's been wanting to get out for a while and, as my first fanfiction, I thought this would do the trick! This usually isn't my style, but it just kind of happened. I know I might be a little behind with the whole "Lexie is dead" thing - but that's only because I, myself, will never be able to accept that. She was my favorite, favorite character Shonda, y u do this :(
Anyway. Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it and please leave your thoughts in a review :3