Author's Blah-Blah: Hello! Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last fic *big wobbly eyes* You guys made me so happy… I love you all. Now this um, is a next fic of mine, it's not as humorous as my other fics. Yeah, I know I should finish all my other fics but really I am just so depressed these days and it kind of gets into my way of writing. I need to have a release of some sort. So I hope you guys will enjoy this one ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing. I also borrowed one of Pablo Neruda's beautiful poems from the movie "El Postino" which is "Me Gustas Cuando Callas". I don't gain profit from these and please don't sue me I am just a poor student.
XV ME GUSTAS CUANDO CALLAS
by: Pablo Neruda
Me gustas cuando callas porque esats como ausente,
Y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te toca.
Parece que los ojos se te hubieran volado
Y parece que un beso te errara la boca.
Como todas las cosas estan llenas de mi alma
Emerges de las cosas,llema del alma mia.
Mariposa de sueño, te parece a mi alma,
Y te pareces a la palabra melancolia
Me Gustas cuando callas y estas como distante
Y estas como quejandote, mariposa en arrullo.
Y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te alcanza:
Dejame que me calle con el silencio tuyo.
Dejame que te hable tambien con tu silencio
Claro omo una lampara, simple omo un anillo.
Eres como la noche, callada y constelada
Tu silencio ed de estrella, tan lejano y sencillo.
Me gustas cuando callas porque estas como ausente.
Distante y dolorosa como si hunieras muerto
Una palabra entonces, una sonrisa bastan.
Y estoy alegre, alegre de que no sea cierto.
Prologue: After an Hour or Two
"I don't know how to say thank you."
Alucard smiled, the corners of his mouth gently lifting as he settled the delicate tea cup on its matching saucer. "It's nothing, really." He murmured pretending to study the intricate patterns of the carefully arranged tea set but no matter how hard he tried his gaze would always wander back to those sky-blue eyes full of question, full of doubt.
The woman, the object of Alucard's musing was seated directly infront of the much feared vampire. She was staring off into the window, looking at a far point beyond the hills afraid to challenge the gaze of one man who has devoted too much of himself for her. But she felt his gaze piercing her, asking her questions that perhaps she didn't want to answer.
"Do you need anything more?" He asked helpfully, seeing her once again drift off into her own sea of thoughts.
Startled, she looked at him and once again she was astonished to see his crimson eyes looking at her, eyes, the color of blood. She quickly shifted her gaze to her tightly fisted hands.
Somehow, she thought, Somehow I couldn't look into his eyes well. Perhaps because it reminds me so much of blood, of death, of anger and of wrath and something inside me stirs at the very thought of it
"Nothing at all," She answered then deciding to steer the topic from herself she looked once again out into the window and said, "I wonder know where Ceras is, she said that she might be gone for a while but she'd been out there for quite some time now."
Alucard merely snorted at this, he knew well that his fledgling was off to hunt, she had been starved greatly and she needed nourishment, from his calculations she won't be back for an hour more or so.
Blue eyes looked at him, "What is it?"
Alucard flashed that patented smile of his and asked, "What, what?"
She rolled her eyes at him, "You're doing it again, acting like you don't know the things I ask or say to you."
Silence engulfed them both and Alucard drowned himself in it. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth he might say something he might regret, especially now that he would leave her…for good.
He suddenly reached for something inside his pocket and produced an all-too familiar lighter. A flicker of hurt flashed in his eyes as he fisted his hand over the cold metal and handed it over to her.
She raised a blonde brow but extended her hand to take it. At that point, he can't help but compare. She wasn't always this trusting, her old self would have glared at him and walked off but this part of herself although unsure wasn't unquestioning enough to immediately reject something for him.
The more she trusted her, the more painful it gets.
"What's this?" She asked, always full of questions not that he blamed her but it was so uncharacteristic compared to what once she had been. She looked at Alucard's gift and suddenly felt something inside her snap.
"Do I smoke? I mean have I tried smoking before?"
No answer, he decided no to divulge that she once was addicted to smoking. She needed to get rid of old habits.
"Well, do I?" She asked once again this time with a bit of a strain of impatience.
"Not really, but that's a gift, something to remember me when I leave you."
She studied the designs but deep inside her mind she was feeling a freezing pain stilling her, hurting within her at he mention of his departure. She never wanted him to leave but he had done enough for her and she wouldn't resort to begging him to stay. She has her pride after all.
Pushing her emotions aside, she focused more on examining the patterns on the lighter. She guessed it to be expensive and she assumed that the person who owns this must have valued this thing so much. It looked antique yet new at the same time. There were no scratches or marks that marred the smooth surface. It was all too perfect and well-taken care of but there was also something about the lighter. She felt something while holding; she felt a familiar sensation coursing through her.
"I didn't know you smoke." She suddenly said.
"I don't, that lighter was given to me by a special friend of mine… a very special one."
She smiled at him, "I guess she or whoever that person is values you and you're very special to her. This is a unique gift."
"Well, I loved her."
"And she loved you too."
Red eyes looked at her, "How did you know? Why do you sound so sure?"
She shrugged, "I don't know. I just know. I just felt it"
Suddenly, her thumb swept over a set of embossed letters on the lighter. She pushed back her glasses and pulled the lighter close to her face.
"Hellsing," She read out loud and without a warning, inside her mind something was roused followed by a faint buzzing of small noises and distorted images flashing before her very eyes. Depictions of buildings covered in blood and broken bodies filled her. She moaned at this, confused by the images and disturbed by the pounding headache that was staring to build up but it was completely gone when Alucard moved out of his chair to soothe her.
He went to her side and pressed her seated body close to him, massaging her head, easing her mind that wanted to remember something. The vampire was startled to see her space out and for a moment he was afraid that she would remember everything.
She spoke once again, her voice a bit hoarse."Is that her name? It's such a pretty cold name for a woman and that name… somehow it hurts me just knowing that name. She must have suffered much. " She shook her head at her suppositions "Here I go again, claiming things but it's just that, somehow I know and somehow I am sure of it."
Alucard brushed the errant blonde locks across her face and thought, Yes, she suffered much. No, you suffered much, Integra, my master.
"Alucard, have I-" She was about to raise more questions when he hushed her, "Shhh, it's useless trying to remember things."
She gripped his arm. She felt remorse towards herself, she hated feeling helpless and she hated having no memory, she loathed the headaches and the perplexing images haunting her every now and then.
"Who really am I, Alucard?" She questioned him just in time before the oblivion claimed her.
Alucard gently lifted her off the chair and settled her on the couch. He knew that rendering her unconscious was a negative way to halt her uncertainties but he knew that he was reaching his limit and he wanted to at least leave peacefully. He wouldn't want to look at her blue eyes and say goodbye and wash everything away from her, her last few remaining memories of him.
He knelt down on the floor and kissed her temple. After an hour or two, Ceras would come back.
After an hour or two, he would no longer be able to gaze at her blue eyes, run his hands through her silken blonde hair or touch that soft dusky skin of hers.
After an hour or two, she would also forget him, forget that he ever existed, forget everything they shared, they hated and they loved.
After an hour or two, she would live a new life, far from him, away from him, without him.
After an hour or two, all that connected him to her and her to him would vanish without a trace.
After an hour or two, he would be out of her life.
After an hour or two, he will have eternity to suffer for it.
But for now he'll just remember the sweet hell they shared for a while and face the bitter reality after an hour or two…
Author's Blah-Blah_2: Hahaha! I feel strange. Pls. review and pls. be gentle. I am also so sorry for assuming what Integra's lighter looks like. See you next chapter and that is if you like me to continue the fic. *whimpers* I need encouragement, I need love, I need Alucard!!!!
You should read Pablo Neruda's works. He is truly a great writer. I really admire him so much and oh below you can see the translation for the poem:
XV I Like For You To Be Still
By: Pablo Neruda
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
And you hear me from far away and my voice does
not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things filled with my soul
You are like my soul, a butterfly, of dream.
And you are like the word Melancholy.
I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly
cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you wit your silence
That is bright as a lamp and simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
Distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough
And I am happy, happy that it's not true
Translation: W.S. Merwin
Guys, if you want to read more of his poems try the "10 Love Poems by Pablo Neruda". Really, really nice. No, it's fantastic ^_^