So this is a new story idea of mine that I'm trying out. I won't continue it if you guys don't like it or no ones reading it. I'll try to write the group members personalities as best I can, but that may be a little hard in some cases. Also, things may get confusing and a little contradictory, so if you have any questions, just ask. With all that said, I hope you guys enjoy this story.

Rated T for language

Chapter One

Meetings, Dreams, And More Meetings

If someone had come up to me back when I was in my freshman year of highschool and told me I would eventually work with one of my all time favorite K-Pop bands of all time, Nu'est, I would have called them bat shit crazy. And then I would have been slapped in the face with how wrong I was. It's an interesting story to tell the least, so let me start at the beginning.

Back when I was in middle school, I started writing a book series. Another quick random story real quick, sorry. Once upon a time I wanted to be an artist. When I started watching anime and reading manga I wanted to be an american manga artist, I even had a story idea. For as long as I can remember I have loved creating stories. It was my passion. I eventually started writing fanfictions and and I decided I wanted to be a writer rather than a manga artist/writer. I had two original story ideas that fail before I came upon I wrote my most recent idea. How this one came to be, I'm not even sure, but it changed my life.

Anyway, back to the point. I was able to keep up with the series and I eventually completed it. I got a copyright on it and sent it to an editor towards the end of my freshman year. The editor loved the idea and the story but it was lacking a few things since I was so young, not to mention English is my worst category. During the summer my editor came to where I lived and worked on it with me. By the end of the summer I had published the first book of my series under the pen name Midnight Rivers and it was in stores before Halloween. By Christmas millions were buying it.

No one knew it was me who wrote it, and I was fine with that. I loved being able to share my ideas with other people even if they had no idea who I was. When ever I was asked to do an interview I would put in colored contacts and wore a wig to hide my actual looks. I wasn't looking for fame, but it ended up coming to me in my sophomore year.

You see, I loved writing. At sometimes my idea's came out as a form of poetry. It was more in the form of Spoken Word Poetry. It wasn't flowy like poetry exactly, but it did flow and it carried a lot of meaning. People loved when I wrote like this. My freshman World Studies teacher had asked us to express our knowledge of racism in someway or another. I expressed my in a form of poetry. When she saw it she asked me if she could have a copy to hang up on her bored. I, of course, agreed.

In my sophomore year I created a suicide prevention poem. When my friends read it, they wanted me to present it in the talent show at the end of the year. I agreed and edited it to make the words flow more smoothly and practiced reading it. When the talent show came around, I did my first ever spoken word poem. The video's were posted on YouTube and went somewhat viral. People enjoyed them so I made a YouTube channel of them.

So, how does this relate to me working with Nu'est? I don't even know all I know is that one day, I got an email from my editor, who also worked with me with my poems, saying that a Korean pop star was coming to visit and ask me some questions. This was the moment that changed my life, and it took place a few weeks before summer break.

It was two weeks before summer break when I met with the person who would be asking me questions. They came to my house instead of us meeting somewhere more official.

I was sitting at my dining room table wringing my hands together while my mom was sitting next to me. My dad was pacing our hallway and my editor was sitting on the couch in our living room waiting for our guest. When the doorbell rung, my editor quickly stood up and walked over to the door and opened it. Someone who looked oddly familiar walked through the door saying thankyou and locked eyes with me. He gave a charming smile and walked over to the table and sat down across from me. My dad sat next to my mom and my editor sat and the head of the table next to me and the mystery man.

"I must say it took a long time to get here, my I ask exactly what the name of this town is?" he asked

"Um...Longmont, sir." I said quietly, slightly hiding behind my hair.

"You don't have to address me so formally, my name's Aaron Kwak." he said holding out his hand. I looked up and my eyes widened in shock.

"Aaron as in Aron from Nu'est?" I asked shocked. He chuckled and laughed.

"Yes, it's nice to meet you, Miss May."

"Um...Molly is just fine." I said quietly. He nodded.

"So, Aaron. You told me you wanted to ask Molly for a somewhat job?" My editor asked

"Ah, yes. Well, our manager wanted to bring in someone who specializes in the English language to help teach our other members some English. To be honest, we're hoping to do a full american tour. But before we can do that, we, or more specifically they, need to get a better grasp on English."

"But what about you! You're at least partially American, right? Why don't you do it?" I asked panicked

"That is true, I'm not fully sure why. But I also have other things I need to do for the group, such as research some dance moves, music, stuff like that. I think my manager is looking for someone to help the group who isn't in the group, if that makes any sense."

"It makes a little. So if I was to do that, what would it entail?"

"Well, for starters, we'd be paying for everything, as well as a temporary place to stay in Korea. You can come back for the Fourth of July if you want and then fly back. And we'll also make sure you come back with plenty of time to get ready for your junior year. I can also help you learn some Korean while you're staying there. As for what you'll actually be doing, you'll be helping us around while we're working on songs, dance moves, and other things like that. And during that time we'll work together to help them get more used to speaking English. In some spare time you'll also be helping them with some spelling and grammar. There will probably be a few other things, but I can't think of anything else at the moment."

"Alright, but still. Why me? Why not some English professor or something like that?"

"We've seen your interviews and you performances. Our manager thought you would be able to work well with the group." I looked over at my manager and she gave a nod.

"I would be going with you since you're only sixteen." I gave a nod and looked over at my parents. They gave skeptical looks but nodded.

"Just make sure you behave." My mom said. It hurt a little like it always did, but I hid it with a smile.

"I guess it's worth a shot, if things don't work out, I'll just come back here. So when will we leave?" I asked getting excited. Aaron laughed.

"As soon as you're done with school there's a sixteen hour difference so I'll try and find a flight that will make the time change as easy as possible. Also, for the next few weeks, I was hoping that we could spend some time together so that you'll at least know someone when we head over, that is if you don't mind." I shook my head.

"That would be amazing!" I said eagerly. After all, that would mean less time in my house. Aaron chuckled again.

"If you don't mind, would you mind if I took you out right now?" he asked. I looked over at my parents and they nodded.

"Sure! I'll go grab my purse." I jumped up and quickly walked to my room to grab said object.I walked back out to the dining room. When I re-entered the room Aaron was standing, after waving to my parents, I walked out the front door. I turned around and faced Aaron after we got outside. "So where do you want to go?" I asked

"How about a coffee house?" He asked

"There's a Starbucks not that far away if you want to walk." I stated. He gave a nod and we started walking to the cafe. It was about a fifteen minute walk, so we had plenty of time to talk.

"So, you're almost done with your tenth grade year of highschool, how does that feel?" he asked

"To be honest, it feels really weird. Last year I was still feeling like I was back in fifth grade, but now? I feel older, like I skipped middle school and my freshman year. It might be because I finally got my head around some things I didn't want to except back when I was younger."

"Oh?" Aaron asked. I laughed nervously.

"Well, I had some issues when I was younger, and I kind of screwed myself up mentally. I'm doing better, but there are still some things there, in the back of my mind. Up until recently, when I started reading my poem out loud, I had actually stopped speaking and I willing went mute for about a year and a half. I felt like I screwed everything up, besides what my friends said, I was just in such a weird place and I just kind of broke down. It took a lot for my friends to convince me to do that poem. But after everything, after I finished reading it and seeing and hearing everyone's reactions? It felt like so much had been lifted off of me. Ever since, I've been extremely happy. My friends and classmates were utterly shocked when I walked into class the next day and started talking to my two best friends. I think that was about three weeks ago."

"How did you converse with people then?" he asked slightly shocked

"I had a notebook that I wrote things in. When I first started, the only time I would actually use my voice was in choir and when teachers asked me questions in class. Eventually they stopped asking me, and the only time I used my voice was when I sang. But that was only in class and when I was alone, so no one heard."

"Well, that's...interesting." He looked up at the clear sky "So do you still sing?" he asked.

"In class yes, and I always end up singing along with songs, but I hate singing by myself. It just doesn't work." I laughed

"Why not?" he asked looking over at me again

"The first time I sang by myself it was for an honor choir audition. I was so nervous that I ended up shaking and the shaking got to my voice with ended up cutting off the notes I held. It was so horrible." I said locking my hands together behind my back.

"How long have you been in choir?" he asked

"I've been in choir since I was in sixth grade, I was also in my middles school 'special choir' in seventh and eighth grade."

"Wow, that's awesome. I bet you're less shy than you were back then if you've had practice singing for so long."

"I guess, I've just been afraid to put it to the test." I said quietly. after a minute of silence, we arrived at Starbucks. I pulled out my gift card and walked over to the counter and quickly looking at the menu, when I found my usual drink I ordered it and looked back at Aaron "Get whatever you want, it's my treat." I smiled

"Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded. "Alright then."

After our drinks were made, we picked them up at sat down. We talked while we drank and headed back after we were done. After that, it was decided that he would drive me to school and pick me up until school was over so we had more time to talk. The last two weeks of school went by quickly and soon I was packed and heading to DIA to head to South Korea to start working with Nu'est. My editor was going with me since I was expected to write something while I was there and also as support. It was decided that we would each have our own apartment, them being next to each other in the building.

I gave goodbyes to my family and then headed into security and to the one thing that would changed my life forever.

Aaron had choses a plane that would land us in Seoul at night so I could pretty much sleep the time change away. Over the long flight, I watched anime on my computer, worked on some poetry, and talked to Aaron about the members.

"So, is there anything I should know about your group before I meet them all?" I asked about halfway through the flight

"Not really, not off the top of my head." he said shrugging

"Is there anyway I should address them? Should I use their birth names, or should I use their stage names?" I asked

"You'll have to ask them and see what they say. I'd guess their stage names until you all get to know each other better and then probably use their actual names." I nodded

With that the rest of the flight when by some what quickly and we left to our apartments. Aaron told me to call him when I woke up and tell him how I felt, and if I felt up to it I could meet the members. He left after making sure everything was in order and I dropped my stuff, stripped down, and went into a deep sleep.

Sadly, my dreams were a mess. I had gone through therapy after I stopped speaking to people and was diagnosed with quite a few phobias. I'm pretty sure some of them were over diagnosed but it didn't seem to matter. I was on medication for quite a few of them.

Anthropophobia-fear of people

Why? I have no idea. I think I'm just afraid to speak in front of people. My therapist says he's picked up signs of me being afraid of trusting people or afraid that they're judging me.

Agoraphobia – fear of helplessness and of leaving safe places

I've always been scared that that I was useless and afraid to go out sometimes.

Glossophobia – fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak

Already talked about this one kind of. I hate speaking in front of people because I'm afraid they'll judge me or that I'll screw up.

Autophobia – fear of isolation

I don't even know

Gelotophobia – fear of being laughed at

Yes, that is true. But I don't know why.

Haphephobia – fear of being touched

I'm not afraid really, I just don't like it .

Scopophobia – fear of being looked at or stared at

Sure, I'll go with that. The doc says it's because I automatically assume they're judging me.

Phonophobia – fear of loud sounds or voices

Yup. Do I know why? Nope

Oneirophobia – fear of dreams

I don't fully understand why, but I'm glad I was given medication that makes it so I don't seem to dream. My dreams led me to being screwed up, one of those reasons actually being Ren of Nu'est. Why? Because real people suck and when I found out about him, he was like a wonderful dream. This sent me into a slight depression, because in my screwed up mind that fact that I would never have a chance to meet him and possibly fall in love with him broke me down. He just seemed so perfect, and I envied it a little inside.

Philophobia – fear of love

Funny, this actually links to my fear of dreams. When I started wanting to be in my dreams rather than reality, I grew to start fearing love in the real world. I had always ended being hurt and broken in the end before, and it eventually broke me down. It acturaly came down to the fact that when a boy confessed to me in school, I freaked out, ran away, and started crying. My friends May and Koda had to track me down and calm me down.

Atelophobia - fear of not being good enough or imperfection

Yup. I don't think I'm good enough for anything, even when people tell me otherwise. I'll pretend I understand and put on a smile. And this is my best kept secret. That smile is a lie, and I hate who I am, but at the same time I don't want to change.

I've also been diagnosed with depression, paranoia, and a little bi polar. All of these things came up at some point, and I never realized it until I went through therapy. Most of the reasons for my fears the doc gave me, but I gave myself some reasons as well.

I hadn't been able to take my medication before I went to sleep, I was just too tired. And that led to the first dreams I've had in a long time.

I dreamed about Ren, surprisingly, in all his perfect glory. Apparently we were together because he told me that I was perfect, beautiful, and that he loved me. I woke up with my head in my pillow and me crying my heart out. I looked at the clocked and it said it was six in the mourning. Normally I sleep for about five or six more hours but I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep. Dreams like that were what broke me down. They were so wonderful, but they were a lie my twisted mind created. I got up and took a hot shower, letting the boiling water burn my skin and help my cold body warm up. I had put my shower stuff in the bathroom last night and I had hidden my secret get away in there instead of it's usual spot in my bra since I wouldn't have gotten through security with it. After I had cleaned myself up, I turned the show so it was filling up the tub for a bath.

My get away had been sitting on the edge of the tub calling to me the entire time, so I finally sat down in the water and grabbed the razor and slid it across my upper arm. I had promised a friend of mine that I would never hurt myself again, but I had broken during my freshman year and bit myself. He knew, and understood why I had done it, but he didn't know that I had started cutting myself. I started after I stopped speaking, and it was why I always wore a hoodie or something with long sleeves now. It was also why I wore jeans or black tights if I was wearing a skirt.

After a few lines, I started carving words into my arms and legs, the same ones that were already there and had been for a while. Only my therapist knew about them and because of the confidentiality agreement, he couldn't tell anyone.

Unloved

Crazy

Screwed Up

Stupid

Ugly

Slut

Hopeless

Useless Dreamer

Weak

And many more. I made sure not to cut too deep so I didn't lose too much blood. These were the words that defined me. They were my deepest hidden emotions that no one knew about. I had thought about suicide before, but I could never bring myself to try. After a bout a half an hour of that when I started to get a little light headed I stopped, washed of my arms and body of the reddish water and blood, and got out. I cleaned my fresh cuts and went to making myself some breakfast. While it was cooking I called Aaron and told him I would love to meet the group. He told me he would come pick me up at nine, so in about two hours.

In those two hours I ate my breakfast and built up my walls that had crashed down last night and then went and told my editor, Mave, that I would be leaving to meet Nu'est around nine. With that, I went back over to my apartment and got ready. I dressed in a black tank top and a blue sweater thingy over that along with my dark blue jeans. I put on my knee high socks and black ankle boots and then put in my earrings and put on my necklaces. One was two Celtic dragons forming a small circle, and the other was a Naruto ring that had Gaara's 'love' kanji on it. After that I pulled my short brown hair back into a messy high ponytail that I thought looked kind of good on me. Right as I finished there was a knock on my door. It was Aaron, and we left to meet me new partners.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I met them where they had their dance practice, and I found out that they did speak a bit English, it was just a little hard to understand. Partially because of the accent, and partially because of the grammar. As Aaron had guessed, they introduced themselves with their stage names. The first one to introduce himself was Baekho, then it was JR, then Minhyun, and lastly, Ren.

He looked just as sexy as he did in their video's, maybe even more so, and the fear hit me hard. The fear of falling hard, and being rejected. Thankfully, I was able to keep it down, although as luck would have it, or in this case the opposite, my earlier actions combined with my lack of sleep finally caught up to me and my vision went black and I tripped. The one to stop me from falling? Ren. Unfortunately he had caught me by my upper arm where the cuts were. And I know he saw me cringe. He let my arm go after I was stable and looked at me as if he was trying to figure something out. Aaron walked over.

"Are you alright, Molly?" he asked. I gave a nod.

"I'm fine, I guess I'm just still a little tired from the trip last night." I faked a smile.

"Well why don't you head back to your apartment and try and get some more rest then." I nodded and went to walk away, then nervously turned around.

"Um...could someone drive me?" I ask quietly.

"That's right, I'm sorry." Aaron said. And then luck decided to leave me again.

"I'll do it." Ren said stepping forward. I felt one of my walls crumble down. Crap.

The silent drive was neither pleasant nor awkward, and when we arrived, he walked me up to my apartment.

"Um...would you like to come it for a few minutes?" I asked quietly. He gave a nod. We walked into the apartment, and I immediately took the pills I was supposed to take last night. When I turned to face Ren, I was a little calmer but he raised an eyebrow, obviously questioning what I just took. "I have a few phobias and disorders that I have to take medication for. I didn't get a chance to take them last night when I got here." I answered quietly. He nodded and then cut the chase.

"When I grabbed your arm earlier, you flinch. Why?" He ask bluntly.

"I'm just not really a fan of people I don't really know touching me, that's all." I partially lied.

"It was in pain."

"It's nothing, don't worry about it…" I mumbled, hoping he would stop asking about it. no such luck.

"If it's nothing, then take off your sweater." Damn, he's smart too.

"I'm cold."

"It will only be a second." he said walking towards me. I, being the idiot I was, literally backed myself into a corner. He place his hands on either side of my head and I fought hard not to blush. "Take off the jacket." I felt almost all of my walls fall down as I felt my eyes begin to tear.

"Please don't tell anyone." I said quietly. He looked at me confused and then in shock as I slipped off my jacket, showing the red marks and words against my pale skin. After a few seconds I quickly slipped it back on and Ren backed away.

"You should go…" I stated quietly. He gave a silent nod and walked away. Right as he reached the door, he stopped, turned around, walked over, and hugged me.

"I'll be back later." he whispered in my ear. And then he was gone, leaving me in shock and locking and closing the door behind him.

And with that, the rest of my walls fell down and I fell to the ground in tears, letting my thankfully dreamless sleep overtake me on the floor. I was weak.

But little did I know, that the one person I thought was so far out of reach, that person who made me afraid to love, would be the same person who would help me fight almost all of my fears. And he was also the one I would spend the rest of my life with.

I swear, I never plan to write stories like this, and then they just pop out. I didn't plan on making her a self harmer, but I decided to keep it because it will open many new paths for the story in the future. With that said, I'm telling you that this story will be one hell of an emotional roller coaster. It will be happy, said, romantic and sweet, scary, and many others along with some mixing. I do hope you guys like this though and keep on reading this story.

Toodles!