You and Rainbow Dash, inspired by Clopperella's ''You will never share an intimate moment with X'' series.
It's been an odd few months since you've been in the odd, Ultra-Technicolour world of Equestria. Of course you were a fish out of water and your odd, primate like appearance was a shock, delight and wonder to the plethora of inhabitants of the one place you've ''landed'' in Ponyville. After a week or two (More like 5), you were fully integrated as an ''honorary citizen'' and a somewhat (Some ponies still call you Two-foot and hairless ape) respected citizen in Ponyville. This day began much like a normal day (For lack of a better term), The sun was raised by Celestia, The clouds were being cleared, A song was sung and you had breakfast. ''Hey, have you seen my quills?'' asked a distressed Twilight Sparkle. You reply with a drowsy nod, ''How would I lose my quills! I have thousands of them! Spike! Spike!'' You chuckle a bit, normally you would have been annoyed if someone was neurotic all the time, but you have to say it growed on you. ''Your quills are in the top cabinet, you rearranged then an hour ago!'' yelled Spike, obviously trying to get back to sleep. It seemed odd and it still does now, but the person or dragon you've identified the most with was with Spike, with the fingers and two-legs and all. ''Alright! I just need to write a reminder note about the Spontaneous Musical number Union!'' You hand Twilight a scroll, ''Thanks!'' you flash a small smile and start to walk out the kitchen, ''Wait are you leaving?'' You tell her that you promised AppleJack to help out with the Apple bucking. Twilight fishes for something in one of those random boxes she has laying around, ''Can you give Rainbow Dash her weights back? She left them here again. Oh yeah! And I think she's overdue on an Anatomy book too!'' You give her your word and put them in your satchel. You bid Twilight a goodbye and head out to Sweet Apple Acres. ''Howdy sugarcube! I just got started but Considerin' you don't seem to have any back hooves I don't know how you can buck…'' You mention how you can pick apples due your height. ''Oh yeah, you Hyo-man fellers are a clever bunch!'' After an afternoon of picking apples you decide to give Rainbow Dash her stuff as you bid bye to Applejack she thanks you for helping and gives you 30 bits (and you thought Rarity was the element of generosity.) ''Bye Sugarcube! Thanks for the help!'' You wave back and try looking for Rainbow Dash. You look up in the sky for her cloud house after 40 minutes of searching, you decide to take a short nap on an old oak tree. You clutch your satchel tightly and begin to drift of in a wave of sleep until you hear some soft snoring. You rise and see a certain Rainbow-haired Pegasus , you call her name, ''Huh? Oh hey two-foot, whats up?'' you blush at her gentle ribbing and tell her about the weights and the overdue book, ''Thanks for the weights, the book 's at my house let's go!'' You mention that you're not a Pegasus, let alone a pony. ''Zecora gave me this cloud walking potion, I believe it's called LukeAnakinDeusExMachina it works for 24 hours I have it if you want.'' While you used Zecora's potions once or twice, you have a mild fear of heights, you begin saying you need to think about drinking it. ''Thinking? You drink or you don't! I do things first and think later!'' You decide to test conventional physics and logic and go for it. ''Alright let's go!'' Rainbow Dash heaves you up to her cloud house, ''Woah Two-foot you need to start exercising!'' While you were never the skinniest or athletic you get offended and mention back on Earth ponies weighed a ton or two. ''Just kidding, but it's still hard to carry you up here y'know?'' Miraculously you can walk in her house, You mention how it seems bigger on the inside, ''I get that a lot, lemme get the book.'' As Rainbow Dash gets the book you look around her house admiring the somewhat Spartan detail. ''Here you go, since we're up here want something to drink? I have Cider, protein shakes and Iced tea.'' You decide on the Iced tea and ask why does she have an anatomy book, ''I got bored and I wanted to see how a body works, want some lemon in your tea?'' You never really enjoyed lemon even if it was diluted with chilled tea so you say no, ''Oh darn! It dropped in the jar! You still want it?'' It's been a long time since you've drank anything without apples so you begrudgingly say yes, ''Sorry about the lemon, why don't you like them anyway?'' You mention you don't really hate it, you use it in food occasionally but not all the time and they seem weird to you, ''Speaking of weird I have a question, Humans have penises right?'' You drop the cup in shock and ask If you may go to the restroom, ''Yes or no? It's not like we're gonna rut!...unless you want to.'' You barely had any sexual experience in your life, besides she's a pony! You scan your mind for options, A you could jump out and plummet to your doom just to avoid taking off your pants, B you could throw your trusty pocket sand in her eyes blinding her and making her hate you and you'd have to revert to choice A, C just take off your pants or D say no but that would make her ask even more questions….You decide to say yes, ''Can I see it?'' You begin to reach in your pocket, grasping the grains of sand that could prevent Sexual-intercourse with a blue pony, but you remember option A and slowly take off your pants. ''…You wear shorts under those things?'' you try to slow things down by taking of your shirt, but Rainbow Dash being Rainbow Dash she rips off your boxers. You try Covering your manly-parts but it's inevitable you shamefully let her see you in the buff. ''Is that it?'' you nod in shame. Rainbow Dash grasps your member ,''I want this I really want this!'' she has the sexual prowess of a…Puma or Tiger or any other jungle animal (Why are you thinking about animals?!) she's obviously had sex before you think, ''Hold on to something…not me.'' You wonder why she asks you to hold on, until she's bouncing on your Johnson that is, you grunt in pleasure as her buttocks clap on your crotch area ,''Yeah! Oh heck yeah! It's so warm and deep inside me! I want all your cum in me! Oh! Yes! Yes!'' you trust in her trying to maximize the pleasure for yourself, you ejaculate like you never did before (Your right hand did that before) ''Oh gosh! Oh gosh! I'm-I'm cumming!'' She squirts all over you and then you pull out, the both of you panting, well…you were hyperventilating. ''T-that was awesome!..you okay?'' You try keeping your cool and say yes and she pulls in to kiss you, ''Wanna do this again?'' Rainbow asks before she kisses you, before you can say yes she starts kissing passionately you awkwardly try kissing back, but having no prior experience you sort of fail. You say yes to the idea of you doing the horizontal tango in intervals and hug her in a loving embrace,'' I love you a lot, you know that?'' You feel drowsy and say yes, you pick up Rainbow Dash and take her to her bedroom. The Opiate of sleep inebriates you both and you spoon until the next day…
The Next Day Luckily, you only break a leg (The potion worked for a whole day and you rolled of the bed) and you are at the hospital, ''Are you okay? Where were you!'' asks a empathic Twilight. You said you were at Rainbow Dash's house, ''You could of just waited for her to give you the book from the ground and you smell like Fear, Sweat and shame! You didn't rut did you?'' You glance at her and then your jeans, you feel for the grains of sand and yell Pocket Sand!