Brisinger, by Screaming Memee.
I would like to begin this story with a quote.
"YOU CAN'T STOP THE COLE TRAIN BABY!"
Thank you and enjoy.
Eragon was a king. After he had defeated the mendacious, serendipidous Galbatorix, he had become a king. Now, he was a full elf and was really handsome and a skilled dragon rider and could fly and ride his bike with no handlebars and read backwards and make dwarves happy. He could even make a pretty cake.
"Arya!" he yelled, like Joffrey, who was much more developed than him.
"Yes?" Though Cersei was a much better character than Arya, the elven woman answered. Eragon was her husband and he stood strong and masculine in his wonderful elven cape of glory.
"My sweet elven of sunrise, prettier than the mountains of Farthen Dur...I love you." And he did.
They embraced.
Romantically.
TEra their son came, Denesme and he was as handsome, strong, skilled, and elvish as ever.
"Hello father. I have a question."
" Mah booiy...What is it, son?"
"After someone's been tortured by a shade for a long time...how do they still manage to smell like pine needles?"
Eragon and Arya grew silent. All of a sudden, he slapped his son and sent him away to the dwarven day care.
...BUT LATER THAT NIGHT...
"ARYA! WAKE UP! COME QUICK!" yelled Eragon! When she did, she saw that he was turning into cardboard.
"I am turning into purple cardboard!" said Eragon. "What the..." And Arya was, too.
"Heh," said Walder. But he was gone, soon.
Eragon got up from the bed, crying cardboard tears. His beautiful face...No, it was still beautiful, just stale and bland. And Arya! No longer would she be able to wear that tight leather. The Mord-Sith did not make their leather for cardboard women. Arya cried, too cuz she was sad.
But then Denesme came in.
"Dad, er, I mean, Great Lord Father Shade-Slayer Brisingr-Bringer Dad-King, I was reading a book and there was this part...er...it said: And his horns came out of his forehead and skin turned green and he came out from under his bridge and said. 'No one likes to read catalogues placed in the wrong section of the bookstore about cardboard cutouts.' And when the sheep heard this, they crucified him." "
Feeling somehow offended by that, Eragon whipped his son and made him go back to bed. "I know..." he said to Arya. "We can pray to our god(s?) and he'll listen." So, he got on his cardboard knees and prayed to the great god of Alahomosexualia, the great Kristofer Powleeni.
"Oh great Powleeni, Ow Great Powleeni, OWE GREAT POWLEENIIIII!" he said. "I apologize for all the bad stuff I did. I'm sorry," Eragon appologized.
But nothing worked because Arya didn't believe in gods.
The next morning, Eragon went to Murtagh's house to find a cure. But first, he had to slash his way through the hosts of fangirls to get to the youth's door. There was Murtagh, sitting on a chair, wearing a shirt way too small for him and tight pants, torn at the knees.
"HEY1"
"HEY1"
"I have a problem, Murtagh, as you can see..." Murtagh slashed his eyes toward Eragon.
"I see...you're cardboard...Hmmm..."
There was an hour of silence that slashed between them.
"Go talk to Angela." He said and Eragon flew out of Murtagh's house."
Too be continued