Threw it on the Ground

by Ulqui4

Link goes around doing stupid stuff in Castle town. Mainly throwing people's property on the ground. Oneshot.

"Link! Stop throwing everybody's stuff on the ground!" Zelda yelled as she desperately ran after the crazed blonde, "Link!"

"GAH! MUST THROW ON GROUND!" Link ran around looking for stuff to violently throw on the cement ground of Castle town.

Looking around, he grabbed an antique pot and chucked it at the ground. The pot shattered into a million pieces.

Poor pot thought Zelda, it was destined to hold great things.

"Link! You have to stop!" she persisted.

"SHUT UP, WOMAN!" Link retorted.

He snatched a lone helmet off of one of Castle town's completely useless and retarded heads. He picked up the steel item, held it to the sun, and threw it unforgivingly on the hard, cold ground.

"How do ya like that! Yer helmet's all dirty and dented! Look at my hella awesome hat! Ya retards don't have no common sense!" he tried to run away again, he looked back and said, "Don't trust the damn system!"

One of soldiers glanced at the light princess. "Is that supposed to be the chosen hero?"

"No." It was clear that by the time that Link's highness wore off, she was going to have lost all of her dignity and pride.

"He's just going through his—"Before Zelda could finish her sentence, Link was busy. He took some flowers out of an old lady's hand and threw those on the ground as well, he then proceeded to stamp on them as if they had caught on fire.

"Link!" Zelda ran after him, out of breath she huffed, "I'm tired of chasing him, I'm going to go see Malo at Malomart." Slowly, she walked other way towards Malo-mart.

-Link POV—

So many things to throw on the ground! Like this! And this!

"Oh callous youth, please give the donations back. Or the heavens will not bless you." Some old guy at the entrance to Castle town was talking to me.

"What, this?! Imma throw this on the ground, ya old geezer!" I yelled at him.

"Oh destructive, retarded youth, I beg of you to go see a professional to deal with your mental issues!"

"EFF YOU JACKASS, I DON'T TRUST THE DAMN SYSTEM!"

"The system?" the old fart raised his eyebrow, "Please, give me my money back."

"NO!" I raised his money and threw it on the ground! Yeah! Stupid money!

I sprinted off without another word to the old weirdo.

Then, I spotted two love birds staring into each other's eyes.

"EWW! YOU ARE SO MUSHY!" I yelled right in the middle of them.

"What?! What are you doing?" the man asked me.

"I'm ruining yer life!" I stole the funny looking flowers from their hands and looked at their funny looking faces, "Like this!"

I bit one of the flower petals and pelted the rest violently at the ground. Upon impact, the flowers crashed and got damage. I spit the flower petal that I had in my mouth at the ground, "This tastes disgusting! Are you trying to poison me?!"

"Who told you to try to eat the flowers?"

"Stop messing with my brain!"

"We don't know you."

"SURE YA DON'T!"

I took off in my fashionable boots and tights. Running away from the mushy lovers, something caught my eye. It was shiny like ice cream and really big. It was also dangling from an ugly-looking woman's ugly-looking ear.

I valiantly raced to the woman, "Do you know that you have really ugly ears?"

"Excuse me?" Can't she hear me? I said she has ugly ears! Maybe they can't hear either, so I just placed my fingers around the hoop earring.

"I'll be taking this!" I shouted. I pulled on the ring and it tore off from her ear.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" she held to her bleeding ear.

"Do you know where this is supposed to go, huh? On the ground!"

I threw it on the ground.

"SECURITY!"

I made a mad dash for the next thing in my peripheral vision, a merchant.

"Expensive potions! Get your valuable expensive potions in fragile glass bottles! The rarest golden chu jelly and fairy tears here! I come around once every 25 years! But don't break the bottles, they are really breakable!" he hollered like an idiot in the middle of Castle town. But he did attract a lot of attention from the really rich looking people. How much fun would it be to destroy those things?

"Hi, boy! Do you want to buy some really expensive and fragile merchandise that is fragile and expensive?"

"No, but do you wanna know what I'm going to do? THROW IT ON THE GROUND!"

"NnoooooooOOOOooO!" His voice echoed in slow motion and I slow motionishly knocked the bottles out of his gigantic hands. Each of the bottles hit with a distinctly different sound as did the pieces of glass, shattering, and dispersing themselves on the cement. Music to my ears.

"THE AUTHORITY WILL HERE ABOUT THIS!" The merchant bellowed loudly and shook his fist at me.

I ran, again, but this time I slipped on a lonely root growing in the sidewalk. I crashed and landed on my head, like I did when I was a child.

-3rd POV-

Link opened his eyes and sat up in the bed, "Ow, what happened?"

"You threw stuff on the ground and now everybody is convinced that you are a psychopath except for the old guys because he thinks you are some great philosopher showing him the insignificance of money. But everybody else called the cops. Now you are going to be shipped of to the mental hospital," Zelda scowled, "Nice job, CHOSEN HERO."

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKK!"