Author's Note: I was watching an X-Files marathon and this little tidbit just popped into my head. It doesn't have much of a plot, but I happen to like the theory posed in it.
Rated PG, because there was some actual thought put into this.
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine, but the guinea pigs are.
* * *
An Unidentified Diner
Any Small Town, USA
1:08 PM
Scully slouched in the molded plastic chair, halfheartedly paging through a file. She glanced up when Mulder sidled over, bearing a cardboard tray loaded with coffee, French fries, pizza, and some sort of cookies. He set it down on the table, slid into the seat opposite her, and watched her face expectantly, like a puppy awaiting approval. Scully put down the file and picked up a cookie, studying the label affixed to the clear plastic wrapper.
"'Home made'? Does that mean someone lives in the back of this place and churns these things out, or is it just misleading advertising?" she deadpanned, returning the cookie to the tray and selecting a cup of coffee instead. Mulder shrugged.
"Maybe there's a homemade cookie elf in the kitchens. Want to investigate it?" Scully rolled her eyes and picked up the case file.
"I think I've got my hands full with this, thank you. Mulder, why are we here? These people claim to have been abducted, but so do a dozen people a week. What's so special about these?" He adopted a mysterious expression and bit off the end of a fry.
"Have you noticed anything about these abductions that's different from the others?" Scully frowned and flipped through the file again.
"Lost time...being strapped to some sort of table...having tests performed on them... They all look typical to me, Mulder. What am I supposed to be seeing?" He smiled at her.
"It's more a matter of what you're not seeing, Scully." She peered at him skeptically.
"None of the abductees described any sort of harm. One fellow had a few bad dreams, but that's all. In the other cases there were strange ailments or mental conditions or deaths. But here, nothing."
"Isn't that even more cause to believe that it's a hoax? Maybe some teenagers got bored one Friday night and decided to put one over on the FBI."
"That's what we're here to find out, isn't it?" Scully sighed, and Mulder picked up his pizza. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Scully spoke up again.
"I take it you have a theory?"
"I do."
"Well, let's hear it." Mulder smiled again and put down what remained of his pizza.
"Nearly all the abductees we've ever spoken with have talked about some sort of tests."
"Yes..."
"Humans do tests too, Scully. Look at the common guinea pig. It's been the subject of so many tests the name has become a part of our every day lingo. The very phrase brings to mind the objects of varied and sundry tests that we often don't like to consider. Who wants to think about a cute fuzzy animal being used to test new beauty products?"
"That may be true, Mulder, but not all animal research is sinister. Sometimes it benefits the species. Like the weighing and tagging of endangered sea turtles..."
"That's right. But both ways, the individual that is being tested serves as a guinea pig, for the benefit of either the researcher or its own species."
"I don't see where you're going with this, Mulder..."
"Maybe to the aliens, we humans are the guinea pigs."
* * *
They both finished eating and headed back to the motel in which they were staying. On the way, the two agents passed a pet shop. In the window were myriad cages, containing kittens, puppies, and birds. And guinea pigs.
Rated PG, because there was some actual thought put into this.
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine, but the guinea pigs are.
* * *
An Unidentified Diner
Any Small Town, USA
1:08 PM
Scully slouched in the molded plastic chair, halfheartedly paging through a file. She glanced up when Mulder sidled over, bearing a cardboard tray loaded with coffee, French fries, pizza, and some sort of cookies. He set it down on the table, slid into the seat opposite her, and watched her face expectantly, like a puppy awaiting approval. Scully put down the file and picked up a cookie, studying the label affixed to the clear plastic wrapper.
"'Home made'? Does that mean someone lives in the back of this place and churns these things out, or is it just misleading advertising?" she deadpanned, returning the cookie to the tray and selecting a cup of coffee instead. Mulder shrugged.
"Maybe there's a homemade cookie elf in the kitchens. Want to investigate it?" Scully rolled her eyes and picked up the case file.
"I think I've got my hands full with this, thank you. Mulder, why are we here? These people claim to have been abducted, but so do a dozen people a week. What's so special about these?" He adopted a mysterious expression and bit off the end of a fry.
"Have you noticed anything about these abductions that's different from the others?" Scully frowned and flipped through the file again.
"Lost time...being strapped to some sort of table...having tests performed on them... They all look typical to me, Mulder. What am I supposed to be seeing?" He smiled at her.
"It's more a matter of what you're not seeing, Scully." She peered at him skeptically.
"None of the abductees described any sort of harm. One fellow had a few bad dreams, but that's all. In the other cases there were strange ailments or mental conditions or deaths. But here, nothing."
"Isn't that even more cause to believe that it's a hoax? Maybe some teenagers got bored one Friday night and decided to put one over on the FBI."
"That's what we're here to find out, isn't it?" Scully sighed, and Mulder picked up his pizza. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Scully spoke up again.
"I take it you have a theory?"
"I do."
"Well, let's hear it." Mulder smiled again and put down what remained of his pizza.
"Nearly all the abductees we've ever spoken with have talked about some sort of tests."
"Yes..."
"Humans do tests too, Scully. Look at the common guinea pig. It's been the subject of so many tests the name has become a part of our every day lingo. The very phrase brings to mind the objects of varied and sundry tests that we often don't like to consider. Who wants to think about a cute fuzzy animal being used to test new beauty products?"
"That may be true, Mulder, but not all animal research is sinister. Sometimes it benefits the species. Like the weighing and tagging of endangered sea turtles..."
"That's right. But both ways, the individual that is being tested serves as a guinea pig, for the benefit of either the researcher or its own species."
"I don't see where you're going with this, Mulder..."
"Maybe to the aliens, we humans are the guinea pigs."
* * *
They both finished eating and headed back to the motel in which they were staying. On the way, the two agents passed a pet shop. In the window were myriad cages, containing kittens, puppies, and birds. And guinea pigs.