Albus Dumbledore gazed down at the assembled houses of the school as the final first year to be sorted - Blaise Zabini - made his way to a cheering Slytherin table. The Sorting Hat was whisked away, and he stood up.
"I would like, if I may, to say a few words, and here they are...
"Nitwit..."
The house list for Gryffindor updated itself. Out in the entrance hall the first year Gryffindor trunks levitated and started bobbing up the main staircase. In the first years' dormitories beds and wardrobes shuffled around, with one bed popping out of existence completely. An image of a sealed envelope, rendered in oil paint, was passed from portrait to portrait, until it reached the Fat Lady's portrait at the house door. She took it, opened it, and smiled as she muttered the new password to herself a few times. The first-aid box in the common room refilled itself with potions and bandages suitable for the minor cuts, bruises, and spell mis-castings arising from the less serious forms of dare-devilry. In the laundry room (up the narrow stairs behind the second fireplace) bleaching and stain-removal potions materialised on their allocated shelves. On the common room wall a further underlining in green ink appeared on an already faded notice: "Students Should Not, Under Any Circumstances (heavily underlined), Attempt Engorgement Charms on Puffskeins. Anyone Who Tries This Will Have To Wash Their Own Clothes, and Clean the Walls and Furniture of the Affected Room". In the Great Hall all the first year Gryffindors' ties changed to red and gold.
"Blubber..."
In the Hufflepuff common room framed pictures of each first year appeared on the wall next to the notice-board, and the names of all the first years were added to the Hufflepuff birthday calendar. As the first year's trunks floated into the common room they split neatly into two files. The girls' trunks turned right and the boys' turned left, drifting silently along the perfectly round tunnels that led to the girls' side and the boys' side of the house. In the first year dormitories a small selection of teddy bears and other stuffed toys quietly climbed out of their owners' trunks and struggled to hoist themselves up and onto their owners' beds. In the girls' dormitory a neat bag of very sharp needles, syringes and vials of insulin settled itself next to one bed, while in the seventh year dormitories notices appeared on every bed inviting all seventh year students to a training session before breakfast the following morning on identification and emergency care of hypoglycemia and ketoacidosis. Meanwhile, in the infirmary, Poppy Pomphrey's calendar updated itself with a note to review diabetic care procedures. In the Great Hall all the first year Hufflepuffs' ties changed to yellow and jet.
"Oddment..."
The house list and a fresh test result table for Ravenclaw appeared on the common room notice board. In the Ravenclaw entrance lobby the first year pigeon-holes labelled themselves, and in each one an extra library card appeared, along with subscription notifications for "The Journal of Charms" and "Transfiguration Today". In the Ravenclaw common room the tutorial calendars updated themselves. On the sports section of the noticeboard the first years' names were added to the lowest rungs of the chess league table. Last year's quidditch schedule rustled in a corner, un-noticed and untouched. In the dormitories the desks for each first year stocked themselves with pre-cut quills, left- or right-handed depending on their user. Neat boxes of graph paper appeared under notebooks and pre-rolled parchment, and pencils sharpened themselves. Bookcases, one per bed, dusted themselves. On each bed a copy of "A Guide to the Dewey Decimal System (Wizarding Edition No.11)" popped into existence, with a bookmark already in place in the section for Charms (Floating, Flying, Other Gravity Manipulation). In the Great Hall all the first year Ravenclaws' ties changed to blue and bronze.
"Tweak..."
The first year Slytherin trunks levitated out of the entrance hall and made their way in single file down the grey stone steps to the Slytherin dungeon. The house list for Slytherin added the first years, including for each a note of parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, family honours and titles. In the Slytherin cloakroom each peg on the lowest row was marked with a first year's name, and, where appropriate, the family crest. As the trunks arrived in the first year dormitories the individual wardrobes and cabinets next to each bed clicked shut, charmed to open only to their owner's wands. In the boys' dormitory an extra bed appeared out of nowhere, just in time for its owner's trunk to settle into place. In the Great Hall all the first year Slytherins' ties changed to green and silver.
"Thank you."
As he sat down, the Headmaster briefly turned to the Ravenclaw table, where an experimentally-minded fourth year had put on one of the plain black first year ties before dinner. He winked at the fourth year, who looked down to discover that his tie had turned into a floppy, rainbow-coloured cravat. It was going to be a good year.