I Can't Help Myself Around You

Cosette was in her garden waiting, just like she had been every night for the past month; she was waiting for her love to appear, for her Marius. The thrill of these night-time meetings had not yet worn off for Cosette, she was in love and nothing could have stopped her from sneaking out of her bedroom every night to see him. It was true that she didn't like lying to her father, but she did like having this secret, she liked having something that was just hers and so she waited for him.

She was getting impatient tonight though, it was cold that evening and Cosette felt for sure it would rain, she thought of the small fire in her bedroom her father always prepared for her in the evenings and yearned for its heat. But then she remembered how she felt when she was with Marius, the warmth that he always brought her, and the chill in the air disappeared instantly at the thought of him.

She shut her eyes as she sat on her bench, thinking of how it felt to have his hands upon hers when he would sit next to her, she smiled at that thought wishing even more that he was there already. But just as she expected, at that moment it began to rain. Lightly at first but then it came down heavier and Cosette despaired.

"Oh no!" She thought to herself as she stood up from her bench to seek shelter. "Why isn't he here yet? Why on earth did he have to pick tonight to be late?"
Cosette decided to give him a few more minutes to appear, but she was slowly getting soaked from the rain and now more than ever she wanted to be warm and dry again.

Alas, there was still no sign of him so Cosette finally gave up and turned around to head back indoors, feeling somewhat disappointed that she wouldn't get to see him tonight.

Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice calling from behind her. "Cosette! Don't go, please!" It was Marius; he was here at last, looking almost soaked to the skin from the rain. He moved the loose bar of the gate out of the way like he always did, and squeezed his way through the gap and into the garden.

"Marius….!" She began, shocked that he had actually still made his way here. He looked terribly pathetic in his rain-soaked clothes and Cosette, for the first time since she had known him, actually felt pity at the sight of him. He took her by the arm gently and pushed her into an alcove where there was a little shelter from the rain.

"I'm so sorry I'm late" he said, quickly kissing her chastely on the cheek. "I can't believe you waited for me!"

"I can't believe you still came in this weather" Cosette said, in awe of him.

"Nothing can stop me from seeing your face Cosette, not even rain". Marius said heroically. "But I hate to see you like this my love, you should go back inside and get warm again. We can see each other tomorrow. This moment is enough for me tonight".

"Don't be ridiculous, you'll catch your death if you go out again in this weather" Cosette said, feeling concern for him. Then a wicked idea flashed through her mind.

"Come inside with me, there's a fire". Cosette said taking his hand.

The idea of drying off beside a fire did sound appealing to Marius right then, and before he could protest he found himself being led towards a door.

"Wait…." He said, stopping her. "What about your father?"

"Don't worry, he doesn't sleep in the main house" Cosette said, leading him inside. "But just in case…." She whispered and placed a finger over her lip, warning him to be silent. He understood and was quiet as a mouse as Cosette led the way through the hallway, until they stopped at a door and went into a room.

Cosette turned a key in the lock, securing them inside just to be safe, as Marius stood in shock for a moment because of the room he had been led into; he had expected her to lead him to the parlour or the kitchen to get warm, but instead he was dumbfounded.

"This.…this is your bedroom" he said, stating the obvious. He knew he sounded like an idiot, pointing out something she was well aware of, but honestly this had thrown him completely and he didn't know what else to say.

"Mmm hmm" Cosette nodded, as if it was nothing having him in there. She walked over to the small fire in the corner and stoked it a little, making the room warmer again.

Marius looked around the room in wonderment; it was lovely just like Cosette was. Warm, cosy, bright from the candlelight and with a smell of lavender. The complete opposite from the shabby rooms he shared with Courfeyrac or the dank slums of the Gorbeau house where he had come from before that.

"It's wonderful" he said with a smile, as he gazed over this room full of things that painted a picture of her life. The small bed with its soft blankets, a crochet pattern in progress that she had left on her bedside table, (he could imagine her spending hours on this activity), there was even a porcelain doll sitting on a chair in the corner, a treasure from her childhood perhaps. As his eyes studied these delicate feminine items he realised that everything he saw made him feel warmer already, it was just like he felt when he was with her, warm and happy.

"Come, sit by the fire with me" Cosette said, beckoning him over, even though he had already forgotten about his rain-soaked clothes. He sat down next to her, and she took his soaking jacket from him and placed it on the grate in front of the fire to dry.

Nothing needed to be said in those first few moments as they sat there together. Cosette couldn't be sure what he was thinking, but she was feeling very excited at having her beloved alone with her in her bedroom. God knows what kind of trouble she would be in if her father caught her, but she couldn't think of anything but Marius at that moment. She always felt a sort of sinful thrill whenever she was around him, he made parts of her body ache with desire every time he was near her, those parts of her body she had never been taught to think about, the ones she wasn't supposed to talk about. They were aching for him now in fact and she wondered if he was feeling the same as she was.

"You're wet" Marius said softly, breaking the silence between them.

"I know" Cosette said with a lazy smile, but then she suddenly snapped out of her stupor when she realised what he meant. "Oh! Yes, from the rain, of course." she said, looking embarrassed and trying not to meet his eyes at that moment. She could have kicked herself at that moment for acting like such a fool in front of him.

"I'll change, it won't take a moment" she said, standing up.

"Of course, should I... Um, leave?" Marius asked hesitantly as she got up.

"No, please stay. Warm yourself" Cosette said, and Marius watched her silently as she crossed the room to her bed and pulled a nightgown out from underneath one of her pillows. She looked over at him, innocently and somewhat bashfully, and smiled shyly at him until he quickly nodded and turned his head towards the fire again. He had forgotten himself for a moment; he knew he had no right to look at her whilst she undressed yet.

Cosette began undressing whilst Marius stayed by the fire, fortunately she was wearing one of her simpler dresses this evening and needed no help changing. Occasionally she would glance over to Marius and smile softly again, pleased at the way he was behaving. In a strange way she felt like she was testing him, to see if he was the man she thought he was. And to her delight, he behaved like a perfect gentleman the entire time.

She had brought him into her house, into her bedroom and now she was undressing near him, but he didn't turn around, he didn't look at her once.

Oh but he wanted to, so badly. As Marius sat there with his eyes locked onto the floor in front of the fire, listening to the gentle rustling of her clothes coming off and her soft breathing, knowing she was undressing mere yards from where he was sitting, well, it was the single most erotic moment of his life so far. It took everything in him not to give in to his lustful feelings that evening, but he knew it would have been wrong if he had dared to glance at her. She had been so trusting of him, had only been concerned with his welfare and his health by inviting him inside and so he wanted to prove to her that he was nothing short of gallant.

One day everything about her would be his to see, but that day was not today.

When she had finished she put on her dressing gown and let her hair down as well, something she had never done in front of Marius before, but she always did it when she changed for bed so why should tonight be any different? When she was finished she went back to Marius's side and sat down again next to him.

He looked at her for a moment, his mouth gaping open idiotically. Somehow he had never thought she could look lovelier as she did in the garden, but he was wrong.

"You look beautiful Cosette" he said as she sat down. He couldn't help staring at her, but he snapped out of it before he made her feel uncomfortable.

They talked in hushed tones for a while that night, just like they always did in their garden. They always loved their time together outside, but somehow the warmth of the room and the firelight they were both bathed in made this night more special than all the others.
What did they talk of that night? Neither of them could recall. They spoke of everything and nothing; the point was that they had this time together in the warmth to be with each other. Marius thought idly how perhaps the rain had been a blessing in disguise, because it had allowed him to see how truly beautiful his Cosette was. He felt as if his heart couldn't take it all in, he tried not to stare but he couldn't help admire her curves underneath the thin material of her nightdress.

Every now and then as Cosette was speaking an adorably rebellious strand of hair would escape from behind her ear and she would push it back with her delicate fingers, sending Marius into a near frenzy of desire. He couldn't explain it, but there was something about the way she looked with her hair down and the soft skin of her hands and face that made him want to touch her more than ever before.

Once again her hand moved towards her face when suddenly Marius leaned forward and gently pushed the hair back for her, his fingers lingered on her cheek as he was suddenly aware of how close his face was to hers, of how close his lips were to hers.

Neither of them spoke, Cosettes breathing got a little faster and her eyes a little wider as Marius caressed her face ever so gently, his lips almost touching hers. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it was going to burst from her chest, she felt as if she might die at that moment if Marius didn't kiss her.

Luckily for her, she was in no danger of dying that night as Marius gave in to his lustful feelings and kissed her. But this wasn't one of their usual chaste kisses, this was a kiss fuelled by passion and desire. He felt her lips parting slightly and he slipped his tongue into her mouth, much to Cosettes delight. This was all so new to her, but she liked it and she knew she didn't want it to stop. It was the most thrilling thing that had ever happened to her.

The two of them forgot everything in those moments, there was nothing else in the world except for them and their love. Marius ran his hands through Cosettes long hair, it was so wonderfully soft to touch and he was thrilled to feel her hands working their way through his hair and on his face and neck too, gently caressing him and pulling him closer to her, not wanting the kiss to ever end.

Without either of them realising it Marius had pushed her softly backwards until she was lying on the floor and he was on top of her. This position gave him better access to kiss her neck and even more wonderfully he could feel her breasts with his hands. He could hear her gasp in delight as he did this and moan as the thrill of his touch overtook her, she thought her heart would break in ecstasy as she felt his lips kiss her front so eagerly.

Neither of them could have stopped what they were doing right then even if they had wanted too, which they definitely didn't. Unfortunately for Marius there was a part of him that was getting too eager, he had felt himself getting hard as soon as he had lain on her and he thought he could control it, unfortunately he had gotten too excited too quickly and he couldn't prevent what happened to him next.

Suddenly he pulled away from her, breaking off from kissing her rather abruptly much to Cosettes dismay, but she didn't have time to question his actions as he was behaving very strangely. He gasped and shuddered all over as he groaned in a very high pitch that Cosette had never heard from him before.

"Marius?" she said curiously. She had never seen him act like that before, or anyone for that matter, it was bizarre; he screwed his eyes up and had a somewhat pained expression on his face.

"Are you alright?" she asked, gently reaching out to touch his face, but he ever so slightly pulled away from her, afraid to have her touch him again lest he blow it again.

He did manage to keep control though as he pulled even further away from her, sitting up on his knees and wiping his sweaty face with his sleeve.

"I'm so sorry" he said, breathing out deeply. He couldn't look her in the eye right then, he was so ashamed of himself for spending himself in front of her.

"Why? What happened?" Cosette asked, sitting up again as well. She was now totally confused about what had just occurred.

Clearly she had no idea what had just happened to him and Marius was quite thankful for that, but he was still mortified. She was such a pure and innocent girl, and he knew she would be horrified if he explained what he'd just done. He thought perhaps it would be better if he just left, he couldn't control himself around her. They had practically just made love on her bedroom floor, and he knew that was forbidden outside of marriage.

"I think I should go" he said quietly, still too ashamed to look at her properly.

"What!? No, Marius, please stay" Cosette said, almost forgetting to keep her voice down. She reached out and placed her hands gently on his shoulders, "I want you to stay" she said calmly. And Marius looked her in the eyes again. He wanted so badly to stay with her, but he was afraid that lust would overtake him again.

"I can't help myself when I'm around you" He said quietly.

"Oh my love" Cosette said, placing her hands on his face, "I feel the same as you, believe me I do. But we haven't done anything wrong have we?"

"I…I don't know" Marius said tentatively, he was unnerved at how close they had come that night to breaking a sacred rule. "Maybe we don't know what's right or wrong Cosette".

"Surely nothing can be wrong if we love each other Marius. You do love me don't you?" She asked him, as if she was unsure of it.

"Of course I do" Marius told her truthfully. "I love you so much it hurts sometimes".

"And I love you, so how can anything be wrong if that's true?" Cosette said, stroking his hair gently. He didn't have anything to say to that, she was absolutely right and he knew it.

"Please stay Marius, at least until the rain stops". Cosette continued, as she noticed outside her window how the rain was easing off.

"Alright" Marius nodded "I will"

Cosette kissed him lightly on the mouth, and pulled him lightly towards her again. "Here" she said, "Lie down with me, I liked it before. Nothing has to happen; we can make sure of it. We can just lie here together".

Marius did tentatively lie down with her again, putting his arm around her so she could rest her head on his shoulder. He was afraid that he would lose control of himself again, but as she gently placed her hand on his shoulder he knew he would be alright. It really was so nice just to lie there with her he thought to himself; in fact even though they were lying on the floor it was surprisingly comfortable, maybe that was just because he was with her though.

He turned his head and gently kissed her forehead and she smiled, and he swore he only meant to close his eyes for a few minutes, but soon they were both fast asleep.

Cosette awoke first the next morning, smiling and sighing as she felt Marius asleep next to her, her arm still slung around him.

But then she realised that it was morning and he was still there, in her bedroom and he had been there all night. Even though nothing had happened between them, well nothing too serious anyway, she knew everything would be ruined if her father found him there.

She gasped and sat up hurriedly, "Marius!" she said, with alarm in her voice. Shaking him a little too vigorously in an effort to wake him up.

"What the….." he began to say as he awoke. He was confused about why he was being shaken.

"We fell asleep!" Cosette cried out, and Marius immediately understood what the panic was about.

"Oh no!" he said, immediately getting to his feet and grabbing his coat from the grate, the fire having gone out sometime during the night.

"I don't think my father will be awake yet" Cosette said, looking over at the clock, "It's still early, but we have to get you out of here before he catches you".

He was about to apologise to her for causing her so much trouble, but she put her finger over her lip again warning him to be quiet, "Wait here a second" she said and she opened her door and stepped out tentatively to see if the coast was clear.

Everything was still quiet, so she waved for him to come out. "Come on, don't make a sound" she said taking his hand gently and leading him quickly through the hall again and towards the garden.

They both breathed a little easier once they made it outside, but they still ran to the gate in case they were caught. Although at this point there was really nothing they could say that would explain their actions.

Marius squeezed his way out of the gate again and replaced the loose bar back into its position, but instead of sprinting away he felt Cosettes hand reaching out and grabbing his hand.

"Wait…." She exclaimed "Will I see you tonight?"

"Of course you will" he said looking into her doe like eyes. "Nothing will stop me seeing you again". Then he raised the hand of hers he was holding in his hand and brought it to his lips for one last kiss.

"I can't wait" Cosette said with a smile

"Me either" Marius replied "Until tonight my love"

"Tonight" Cosette said, and with that Marius turned and ran. Cosette watched him until he was out of sight before turning herself and running back indoors before her father awoke. She had never felt more alive with love that morning, even though they had come dangerously close to being caught together she wouldn't have changed a single thing about what had happened between them.

The thrill of love had definitely not worn off yet for Cosette, if anything she felt it more than ever before.

The End

I know this was quite long for a one shot, but i thought it worked better this way since the majority takes place on one night. Hope you enjoyed!