A/N: I own nothing of course... so no one can sue me! They'll get nothing from it! A horrible waste of time!
What it takes to be a real hero-
A drunken Suzumi stumbles into the present of his majesty the king of… some castle. She spends quite a bit of time talking to a wall before one of the guards finally takes pity on her and turns her to the king. "Hey! King guy! Good to see yous!"
"I am greatly pleased that thou hast returned, Suzumi."
Suzumi blinks confusedly at the king. She knew he was talking to her, as he'd said her name. "Well, that's all well and good sire. But really, could you not put in so many thou's and hasts. I don't understand anything you said except for my name. And I could have sworn you said it in an odd way too."
In her drunken stupor, she glares at the kings. When did there get to be more than one king in this country anyway? Does the man have clones of himself? That's sort of worrisome. Perhaps after she finished talking to… them… she'd go get herself a drink to clear her head.
"Before reaching thy next level of experience thou must gain 5 points."
Standing before the man was getting sort of tiring, so Suzumi had taken the throne to the man's left. "Whoa, whoa, there. I'm not experiencing anything with you, Misters. You can just keep away from me, I don't want your scepter coming within two feet of me."
"Will thou tell me now of thy deeds so they won't be forgotten?"
Suzumi brightened and lurched closer, quite past the two feet she had previously specified. "Now here's something that I'll tell you gladly! Why didn't you ask this before, you know before the thou and the hast and that other crap?"
The king sat, waiting ever so impatiently for Suzumi to tell her tell. "Okay! Okay! Don't give me that look, King guy. You see. I went down to the Inn in the town and got drunk with the guard for your little jail. Then the prisoner and me went out on a little rampage. Well, guess it wasn't little; we destroyed half the countryside. Who knew that people and houses were that flammable?"
Suzumi laughed obnoxiously as she leaned drunkenly into the king's lap. "Then after that, I wandered over to this here castle and had a nice time talking to your guards. They really appreciated me giving all of them the week off. Oh and my friend the prisoner wants to have a word with you later. Something about he's going to gut you like a fish or something or other."
"But yeah, that's how I came to be here, talking to the nice people here. Well, except for the bastard before you, he was so silent and still. Wonder if he's still alive." Suzumi cast a wary gaze to the wall.
"Thy deeds have been recorded on Imperial Scrolls of Honor."
Suzumi turned away from the wall and poked a finger into the king's eye. "Who told you that you could write down anything of my deeds? I can sue you for that Mr. High and Mighty. In fact, I will and I'll get everything you own. Which is only this dump of a castle now, as I've burned everything else."
"Dost thou wish to continue thy quest?"
Suzumi raised an eyebrow, or tried too at least. She ended up making so horrible a face that one would have thought she was insane… or drunk, as she is. "What? I need your permission to continue doing stuff? Well screw you, King guys. I don't need you to tell me what to do. I can find my way to a bar just fine without any of yous." Suzumi turned and started making her way to the stairs.
"Goodbye now Suzumi. Take care and tempt not the Fates."
Suzumi spun around so fast that she staggered around, dizzy for a few seconds. "Did you just threaten me, Mister? Screw getting the lawyer, you're going to shut your yap for good."
Suzumi reached out and took a sword from one of the guards, who happened to be having a nice conversation with a wall. "See if that guy's okay." Turning back to the king, she flung the sword across the room and ended up skewering him through the head.
Satisfied that he would no longer be bothering her, Suzumi made her way to the stairs. "Hey! How do you work these things? I can't seem to go down. You have to go to the menu! Ah… this sucks! Why can't they just let me step on them and get over with? Ah there we go!" Finally finding out how to get down the stairs, Suzumi falls down them head first and unfazed, gets back up and leaves for the nearest bar.