Summary: Pansy is so in love with Draco that is can only think of the past, the thought of the future hurts to much. DMPP(?) BEWARE: THERE WILL BE FLUFF (eventually)
Disclaimer/looks in the mirror/ nope, blonde messy hair, American, only 14 and no where near as famous, sorry! Not JKR. Nor do I not own Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland
Author's note: 99 red balloons is a title of a song (NOT A SONG FIC!), and athough there are NOT 99 balloons in this please try and look at the bigger picture.
POV: Pansy
PS: Don't kill me for any spelling errors. I have had this idea in my head for a while, and I just decied to type it at 9-12 pm, after a 5 hour drive from Virgina to visit one of my close friends, to New Jesry. I know that's not much of an excuse, but it's better then me just coming out and saying, "I suck at spelling and don't want to ask xXstarFireXx who is already editing my 40 page (not finished at all yet) fanFic. (I should be writing that one, but this one was defintly a break from it. I'm thinking of calling that one 'The Third in High School'…u'll find out soon enough)
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99 Red Balloons
I walked into my dormitory thinking sadly on the balloon that he just gave me. It was the color of a new apple on an autumn day. Bright and blinding with it's shinny everlasting color. I don't think that it held any magical power. Just a red balloon on a silver string. Malfoy remembered that red was my favorite color. I hate green, it really did reflected evil. Not because of my house, no as much as I pretend I love my house and it's colors! Red truly did show power against the world. Red was fire energy. It's the blood that runs threw you're veins to keep you alive every frickin day. No matter how much you'd wish it to stop, for the pain to leave.
I slammed my schoolbooks on the floor and plopped myself onto my bed. I don't have to share my dorm, my dad's own present to me for getting expected into Hogwarts. It wasn't empty at all though. There were pictures of flowers covering ever inch of the wall. I had a large wooden bookshelf, looking like it would collapse at any given moment if I add another book to it, and my wardrobe that was bursting with robes of every different color. I had the ceiling bewitched to make it look like it's always raining. If you knew me, you would say that I have a lot of personality, and am not just someone to go around bulling those that don't deserve it. I'm very creative too, I write stories in this large marble notebook, that I had kept since before I could remember, when all the story would consist of :
"Suzie always wanted a hippagriff. So one day she got one and named it Daisy. Suzie would ride on Daisy all day and night. The End"
I pulled the balloon's string down, so that way the balloon it's self was in my reach. I ran my fingers down it's smooth touch. I thought of the noise it would cause if I followed my urge and popped it between my long fingernails. Yes, the satisfactory would be pleasing, but that's not what I wanted. I looked into my reflection that it showed.
The worst thing you can ever do now is give me a red balloon. I could feel my heart breaking just thinking about it. How could I have been so naive? All the signs were there, I would have swore it on his own life that he loved me, or even liked me just a little as more then a friend. We would spend hourless afternoons walking around Hogwarts and talking, never really about anything, the plain school day, the hopes for the future, what we want out of the present. He would talk about the new girls and how they looked 'matured', 'sophisticated' and 'all of that crap'. Malfoy never noticed my hint of jealousy I so tried to hide. Instead I would try to bitch around to him what I tramp I was. Maybe that would get his attention. I would say that me and some Hufflepuff were getting hot'n heavy in cupboard, or something like that. I never was, but I wanted to see his reaction. It was never bad. He would just look at me and say, "Parkinson, you slut," and give one of his meaningful laughs.
You could call me a bitch all you want. I admit that is what I act like one, but Mum said, even when I was younger I could fool a truth Potion. I was never sure if I should take it as a scowl, or praise. If you got to know me, you'd see that I was normal- well I guess it depends on your look at normal. I'm the perfect girl raised by a pureblooded family with nice grades, and manicured nails, who has her secrets, as dark or light as they are. I guess I am pretty normal. I even look it. A simple face, black hair, average weight for an average height.
Thinking back to third year, when we were doing Boggarts in Defense Against the Dark Arts with that werewolf, I never got a chance to go up and face my fear (I was right behind Potter). I was never so grateful for leaving early that day, if anyone saw my worst fear they would laugh. I fear that the school thinks I'm a slut. Yea, I know, real dumb thing to fear. Its just, well, I hate it when all those people call me a slut. I'm one of the few girls in Slythrin for my year, and they all seem to think that. I find them more of a slut then me. Yes, my skirts are high, but I don't want to work around in those dreadful knee-skirts that they have to wear! And who wants to wear a button-up shirt that is on the same level as your hips? Just because they're school uniforms, doesn't mean that they couldn't be a bit more fun. I'm rather comfortable in the shorter clothes. A slut, to me, is someone who goes around in tight pants with bikini tops, and hooks-up with a random guy that smiled a sleek smile. You'll never see me in actual uncomfortable clothes that make my ass stick out.
As for the random kissing thing? I'm almost fifteen, and I've only been kissed twice, but never with the boy I want. My first kiss was at the Yule Ball, no, not with Draco. We weren't even 'going together' we just went as friends, so that we could each have a date. It was this Ravenclaw boy, Jake. We were an idiom for an entire three weeks before we broke up. About a month latter, I was sitting in the Great Hall, it must have been midnight, and I was up with a bunch of friends playing the muggle game of 'Truth-or-Dare'. This was right after a 6th year Slytherin, Carmon had asked me out, and I told him maybe. It was my turn and I had selected dare. Jake had dared me to kiss Carmon on the cheek. Normally I would never do anything like that, but I kind of liked Carmon and he did ask me out, so why not? I kissed him on the cheek. Jake couldn't believe what I had just done and wanted to see if I was more mental then he thought I was.
"Now kiss him on the lips," Jake demanded.
I was stupid, it was a matter of pride. I had known the consequences for my actions, and that I would be willingly forcing myself to go out with him for awhile, but I did it anyway. I kissed him on the lips.
Jake still wasn't happy, "Kiss him for two seconds, the minimum. You can keep going if you want, that's all up to you."
Carmon didn't look like he would mind if I did. I never did understand why Jake had such an affect on me. I'm Pansy Parkinson! I don't have to listen to him! But I did. I found Carmon's tongue inching its way into my mouth. I felt nothing of it. I thought it was just me, that that was the way you kiss if you like someone and I just wasn't doing something right. I tried to feel the fireworks for a month before I gave up.
But whenever I was done with someone my mind would race back to Malfoy. I always liked him. From the first time I ever saw him, I liked him, it was on/off for a while, but I always had him in my mind. I remember it was my first day of Hogwarts, and I was running late to potions class. In fact I was late. All the other sets were taken except next to this one boy with pale blonde hair, and bright gray eyes. I was shy around him.
My Mum had told me all about the Malfoys and that I should be nice to there only son. My family believes in all the pure blood shit. Sometimes I feel like I was only placed in Syltherin because my name is Parkinson. When the sorting hat was placed on my head it simply said, "Another Parkinson? SLYTHERIN!" Did they ever bother to look at the fact that I'm one of the bravest members on my house, or that I've received all O's on my papers, or ignored the fact that to Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle I'm the most loyal friend? I could have been placed in any house, I don't truly understand why mine was Slytherin.
Anyway, so when Snape started to go on and on continuously about how useful hinkypunks were to some potion, Malfoy wrote me a note on my parchment.
HiI looked up at him and was slightly shocked that he was noticing my existence. I quickly dipped my pen into the ink and wrote back:
HelloThat instantly grew into a conversation about how bored we were and how we both would like to learn the silencing spell early so we could shut him up. Malfoy then wrote to me that he had this muggle book that I have heard about, and have actually been trying to find for sometime to read (yes, I'm quite a bookworm like Granger. But I don't read to study, only to have fun. My Mum doesn't agree on me reading muggle books, but nearly all wizarding books are nothing but facts and boring histories), Alice in Wonderland. I never questioned how he, since he grew up in such a pureblood home, why he would know about such a book. He said he had it with him, and with that he opened his expensive bag holding out a book with the cover ripping off, and the pages worn and yellow (still surprising me. My family would spend hours lecturing me on how rich he was and how he only has the best of life's greatest luxurious). He handed it to me.
I flipped threw the pages, smelling the old ink.
Can I borrow it?
Why? It's just a piece of rubbish!
How could you say that? It's one of the greatest books ever. I've heard very little about it, but is it true that it would take you to a different world?
He can still see him to this day, looking over his shoulder to the boys behind him. Potter and Weasley were there, curious as to what he was showing me. He must have been under the impression that they could both read flat notebooks, even when they themselves were only just trying to look as though they had any interest in what Snape was saying.
How would I know? It's not like I ever read it.
Don't lie like that, it must have been read more then once to look like this!
I never read it.
So then I can? Please….?
Fine, you want to waste your time, go ahead.
It only took me two hours to finish Lewis Carroll. I got sucked into a place where the girl wanted to get home, something I have never wanted. While she was there she had met many strange things, and had to have adventures just to be in the safety of the life she had always had. Heart warmed and giddy, I had walked to the common room were I saw him, and I gave it back. "I don't know what you were talking about. It was very good. Full of life, some how, while being in a daze."
He looked up from his Quidditch magazine, "Your done?"
"Yea."
He had looked around the common room again. It was no one but the two of us, "I'm glad. It is one of the best novels written."
"It was weird. Especially with the Cheshire cat."
"My favorite part is with the clown-like twins, Tweedle-Dumb, and Tweedle-Dee"
"Why did you pretend not to know it?"
His lip curled and whispered, "How would it have looked? Me, the greatest pureblood, already marked to help the Dark Lord, reading muggle fairy tales?"
"So why do you trust me so suddenly if you can't even say that in public?"
He shrugged. That was when I new I liked him. How he had to protect himself from the life that he was expected to live, and from the one that he wants to have.
I keep catching myself lost in a pool of memories. Another thing I hate, when my mind wonders like that. But it always leads me to him. How he must do his father's bidding and how he was branded a death-eater at birth. How I'm his only real friend, the rest of the Slytherins all respect him for what they think they know about him.
Why did it have to be today that I wanted to tell him how I felt? I could have waited, right? But noooooooo. Forget that, Pansy, you can't do that! You must tell him because there is no way he couldn't like (or love) you back, I told myself so many times that it hurt.
Today is Thursday. What makes that so special? Why did he pick tonight to give me the rest of my Christmas present, even if it was already January?
We were doing our retune walk around the castle. We had stayed out longer then we both expected to, and snuck out, just as the sun set.
"So how is your love life?" he teased me.
"Empty…why do you care?" My hopes soared to high.
"Because your always with some one."
"I am?" Damn it! He really is blind.
"Don't play blonde Parkinson, it wouldn't work for you."
I laughed taking a quick look at my now shoulder length strait black hair, but trying to go along with the subject, "What about you? Any hookers this weekend?"
"No, since when have I ever done that? Although I did see a man whore walk into Potter's bed room."
"And what were you doing in Potter's dorm? Sniffing cork grease again?" I joked. Did anyone but me know that Malfoy could play nearly any instrument that he touched? A clarinet was no exception.
He followed along with our joke, and took a big breathe in, "…No! Who told you? It's all mine! Look a flying car!" he pointed behind me.
I looked in the direction that he pointed, he laughed again. I think I'm the only person who could really make him laugh, even when he hit me with the news.
"What do you think of Clara Nobles?" he asked. She was okay. Not really a friend or anything. She was a Slytherin, a year younger and prettier then me. Flaming red hair, and rich brown brown eyes.
When I didn't answer he said, "Well I asked her to Hogsmade next weekend. You don't mind do you?"
All I could think was No! This can't be happening! "Did you ask her like a date, or as just…friends?"
"A date Pansy. Is your head that far into the clouds?"
"Do you like her?" That was a stupid question. But you do never know with Malfoy…
"Not enough to be in love with her or something. Just enough."
No, this can't be happening. Draco it was meant to be me and you! Why are you doing this to me. I've always loved you! And I'm sick of having every other girl have you!
"Really?" My voice reminded steady, but I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. I turned towards the nearly gone sun, the balloon kept bopping in the wind's direction, and it was getting on my nerves.
"Yea. She's really cool. I was just telling you so that way, you know."
"Um, yea, okay, sure."
He looked over to me. Most people would say that he has a sharp face, and heartless eyes, but I can see his soul. He's the greatest person I ever met. Sure he has his flaws, but who is perfect? Truly perfect? There is no such thing. It's like nothing, nothing is always something. If your too perfect that would be your weakness, the perfection would make you imperfect. But he was perfect, and still is. He can be evil and good at the same time. Sing to me when I'm upset, and hug me when I'm happy. Malfoy never hugs anyone else. I'm his only hugger. Normally he would never get physical with anyone, and I know better then to hug him in the Great Hall. But besides Potter, Voldmart and the real world that's the real nothing, when it's just the two of us, it is the world.
"Are you sure?"
That's when I should have told him, just spat it out, "Draco , I love you." Then he would take me in his arms and give me the kiss I dreamt about for so long, and say "I love you too Pansy." We would be sit and watch the stars come up and fall asleep under them, right before we made a wish on a shooting star to last forever like this. Clare Nobles and every other girl he ever thought of liking would be erased from his past.
That's not how it happens.
I stuttered, "Why wouldn't I be Malfoy, you git? You're my best friend. Go out and lose your virginity and have sex all you want!"
"I wasn't thinking of that, but it works" I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.
I had to listen to him talk about this new band for twenty minutes so that way he wouldn't think I was mad at him for asking Clllllllll-a-Ra. I finally got up and said good night to him and walked away, carrying that balloon. It might have been just the tears in my eyes, but as I looked to the remainder of the sun set, it looked like there were little red balloons flying towards it.
I'm snapping out of it. Stop thinking about it! It only makes things worse then it already is. To late, I find tears coming down my cheeks as I even think this. That bastard, how could he? But that doesn't mean anything. Asking a girl out, could mean nothing. It's Draco Malfoy for Merlin's sake! He's had crushes before, but he never asked them out on a date…STOP THAT!
I reached and picked up the pillow he bought me for my birthday. It found it's way hearling aginst the wall, and with a loud thud it landed on the floor. I could hear it say, "What did I ever do to you?"
I found myself staying here for hours, trying to think of a story that had a familiar plot to this. Nothing. This was my own story. Damn it, I had nothing to base it on. Now what?
I was brave enough to walk out of the dorm and into the common room to go take a long soothing bath, wash away every feeling I ever felt to him. I'll race out of there before he could even see me! Yea, that's what I'll do. I just have to start running…that's it. I'm almost at the entrance/exit…yes…
"Parkinson?"
Damn it!
"Are you avoiding me or something?"
Forcing a smile, "Draco why would you say that?"
"I don't know, you just seem angry at me since I told you about Clara."
"Her? I have not reason to be mad at Clara." Liar. You have every reason. I'd love to see her dead on the floor right now. Rich red coming out of every angle on her body- but how would he know? Look, just tell him. You might never get another chance, if it's not this girl, it will be the next.
"Malfoy?"
He was just about to turn away. "What is it Parkinson?"
"I,… I, well,.. I..," I give up! Just kiss him.
Why am I walking towards him? Oh my God! Am I really going to? Nothing was stopping me, and I was leaning in closer and closer getting ready to kiss him. I must be in slow motion, or else he would have moved by now.
My lips are touching his! My eyes are closed and I'm seeing everything we have ever down together. They are all swished together in my mind, and now all I want is more of what I'm getting. Keep him there longer. I love you so much Malfoy is hurts. Don't leave, don't ever leave.
I'm finding myself pushing my tongue into his mouth. He was sweet tasting and exciting. I'm French-kissing my best friend. I'M FRENCH KISSING MY BEST FIREND! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LIKE ME, YOU BITCH! STOP! BREAK AWAY!
He was pushing me away, "Parkinson? What the hell are you doing?"
I'm biting my lip (my worst habit), "Can't you see? I love you Draco Malfoy, and I don't want anyone else to have you! Not Clara, not Sarah, not Allison! Just me, and me alone!" I'm a fool! I can't believe I just said that!
Why are you smiling? Are you laughing at me for telling you my deepest secret (Damn, and about eight other big mouths in Slytherin! I'm screwed! Why the hell did I just do that!)
"Pansy," What are you going to say Draco? "I, I, don't know what to say."
This isn't going to be easy, "Well, do you want me to kiss you again?"
He's blushing slightly, "Yes…"
"So does this mean that you," I'm coughing, "like me? A little, a lot? At all?"
"I love you" Did he just say that? I can' believe he just said that! No way did he just say that! And now he's coming in closer, but why am I stopping him, there is one question that remains.
"What about Clara?"
"Thank her, for making you crack. If she even knew about this"
"You little bitch!" I want to slap him, I go to hit him on the face, but he is stopping me. He grabbed my hand, and placed another kiss on my lips.
I just heard a little pop come from my dorm, just as we leaned in for my second kiss with him. I'm pretty sure it's the balloon, but it doesn't matter any more. All that matters is that he is here, and I'm here, and he's leaning in closer and closer…
!End!
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A/N- Okay the ending wasn't exactly how I wanted it to end. Infact I was torn between Malfoy saying no to her, and just walking away, as though to leave everything he once had, but I think this works. Yes, no?
I wrote it for the boy I really like. I have yet to have any intentions of letting him read it, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't come to this site, so I guess I'm safe for now (athough I'm probly doing the dumbest think in the world by tell u all this). if you know me and know who it is DON'T TELL ANYONE( cough, xXStarFirexX and twistedPperClip –did I spell it right?)! OR ELSE FEEL THE REATH OF THE LIGHT SIDE! I 3 ?
Okay, crazy people, wat did u think? REVIEW /bats eyelashes/ pretty please ;)