Heyo. To tell the truth, I hate Orihime with a passion. But, after watching an Ichigo and Rukia amv, I felt some sympathy. Which led to a schpeal (sp?) about 645 words long. ^ ^;

I'm by myself.

Honestly, I'm not bitter. I knew from the moment I saw them together, my chances were ruined. Well, I can't say I predicted it. But, deep down in my heart, I just knew.

Complete opposites.

Completely compatible.

I feel happy for them. But, I am jealous.

Sure, I have big boobs and great friends. But, I don't have what really matters. What she has.

I'm not as powerful, smart, funny, brave, caring, confident, ...and everything else. Sometimes I wished that we had never rescued her. Never healed her. Never thought I stood a chance.

To him I'll never be right. Never be enough. Never be his.

Why?

Because I'm not her.

Not Rukia.

I hope I'm wrong.

I hope I won't keep falling in love with him. I hope after five lifetimes, I'll be smart enough to not fall when there's nothing there to catch me.

I should have chosen someone else. Someone who loved me. God knows Chizuru did. Someone told me Uryu did. I should have focused on him.

Scratch that.

I should have focused on finding myself instead of focusing on a boy.

Listen to me.

I sound like a broken record. Should have, would have, could have. I sound pitiable.

Looking back on it all, I don't regret it.

I don't regret losing myself, falling far and hard, losing him, losing them all.

And I can't say he didn't feel anything for me. Heck, that's why we're all here now. He came after me. He shouldn't have. It's useless, I've chosen my path. And, he has chosen his.

I am the girl who's joining her brother, who's lovesick, who's oblivious, who sees the light, who can make what she wants to believe, real. Who is perfect, the end all be all.

That isn't true at all. Well part of it is.

I am joining my brother.

But, I'm not lovesick anymore. I'm not oblivious, I understand now. I don't see the light, not anymore. i realize now that what I did, wasn't real. I'm not perfect, I was a Mary-sue, I kind of still am, but, not completely. I am not the end all be all.

When I'm gone life will go on. Time doesn't stand still, and neither will they.

In the end, nothing is black and white.

It's all gray.

My voice was hoarse, but, I was determined to use it one last time.

He rushed toward me. Without his glasses, he looked a little like Superman. His sword outstretched, ready to pierce me.

I took one final deep breath. Funny. The air tasted like a beginning, and not an end.

"I reject."

It was beautiful. The pure light engulfed me, and warmed me. I saw my life.

I saw Sora, hugging me, congratulating me on some test, making cookies with me, swinging in the park with me.

I saw Tatsuki. Always protecting me, laughing with me, eating ice cream with me, playing baseball. I also saw the hurt as we all left her behind.

I saw Chad, the silent comfort.

I saw Uryu. The one who saved me from all of those crazy shinigami.

I saw Rukia. Encouraging me, being there, fighting for me, stealing him. I still love her like a sister.

I saw him, Ichigo. Watching him sleep, watching him fight, talk, relax, get beaten up. Funny. I watched more than I spoke.

Before I could no longer see the scene before me, I heard everyone.

Aizen shrieking.

Rukia and Ichigo screaming "No." Even in despair, the were in unison.

Uryu screaming "Orihime, stay with us."

I couldn't hear Chad, but, he was the strong and silent type.

Everyone else was a buzzing. I couldn't place all of the voices I heard with faces.

This whole schpule on myself? This took a total of 60 seconds to think. No time at all.

A lone tear rolled down my cheek. I whispered,

Goodbye.