"Do You Feel Me?"
A/N: my first Caryl fic, please be gentle with me. lol. I would have loved to have seen something like this happen in 6x15.
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The abandoned barn shook from the pounding of the rain and the relentless wind of the invading rainstorm. Mother nature's violence matched the volatile emotions that were swirling around, causing the chaos, in Carol's mind. A circled 18. She had been numb for weeks. 18. Numb until…now.
Numbness helped her cope after the Wolves had attacked, but then the anger had came. Hot, white and all encompassing. She had clung to the numbness, holding tight to not just the religious rosary in her hand, but to the gray of the numbness, preferring to feel nothing since that day. Only her thoughts, that were her enemies now when they strayed to those she cared for, the anger surged.
She was angry at the world. She was angry at herself. She was a threat. She could get someone killed. She couldn't trust herself with the safety of her family.
She thought she had long ago accepted that this was what it was to be like now. That this was life. That there was no hope for more than to survive and to keep her "family" alive.
But to have humans kill humans. Not to eat. Not to protect their own or to survive, but senseless, senseless killing. It broke the last of her fragile hold on herself.
And then she had been asked to decide one more time. What was she willing to do for her family to survive? What was she willing to do? 18. The numbness had allowed her to calmly step through the logic Rick set forth as she quietly bled out the last of her humanity. She gathered the pieces of herself one last time and helped Rick. She now had nothing left to give. She was dead weight.
She blinked as the thunder rumbled above the deserted building. At least the rain would destroy her tracks and Daryl, god, her chest hurt as his name whispered through her mind, wouldn't be able to find her.
She prayed, something she hadn't done since Sophia was lost, that he hadn't followed after her. That he didn't put himself and the rest of the group in jeopardy. Not for her.
She cleared the isolated remnants of the barn and turned at the cracking of the door wide open. With her arm raised, the edge of her knife glinting as she tightened her hold on it, her body braced itself for a fight.
Lightning flashed wildly highlighting a silhouetted profile that she would know anywhere. Daryl's bow was aimed right at her as he walked through the door.
He was soaked to the bone and looked as mad as hell. She had seen him in protection mode. She had seen him lost at the loss of their family. She had seen him filled with fight at the injustice of their life, but she had never seen him like this.
His rage was palpable and it vibrated and pulsed as he stood in front of her not saying a word.
Carol rushed around him to shut the barn door against the wild elements and held it closed as Daryl found a wooden board to bolt it closed. As the wood slid into place the only sound in the room was the storm losing its mind outside. Carol placed her hands against the door and rested her forehead against the old grains.
She shivered as she felt him looking down at her. Drops of rain water fell from his face as he stared at her. His puffs of breath erratic and full of pain. She knew she had hurt him. She hadn't meant to.. never him.
She was feeling so much it was overwhelming. She was so angry that he had followed her. He could have died doing that. She told them not to. Why!
She turned to him then and pushed at his chest. It was a losing battle. He didn't move an inch at her attack.
"I told you not to follow me!" She shoved at him and pushed at his chest. "I never asked for anything. And I asked for that!" She made the mistake of looking up at him then and she witnessed him break into a thousand pieces.
As she punched at his chest and her tears fell unchecked, he dropped his bow on the ground and grabbed her by her arms. She froze. Tracks of her tears showing him how much this moment meant to her. Daryl rarely touched her and when he did, never in harshness. It stunned her.
"Why? You askin' me that?" He growled back at her as his hands clenched around her arms. His hands felt like they were on fire as they seared her skin.
"What the hell, woman,"
"You and me, Carol. We ain't never had a goodbye. Never.. Not with you being banished and me with Merle…we ain't never had a chance to say goodbye."
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Daryl couldn't believe his luck at finding her. He had thankfully spotted the barn before the rain started and washed her trail away.
He tried to catch his breath as she stood so small, pounding her anger and her fears against his body. He knew she was hurting. She was afraid she could no longer protect them. That she could no longer offer them any strength. Or a badly needed hand at battle. But what she didn't understand was those things weren't her only worth.
"Damn it, Carol. You don't get to leave me," Daryl yelled at her.
Hours of worrying about her out in the world by herself with no one to watch her back with the Negan people swarming the area caught up with him. Hours of worrying that he wouldn't find her and hours of worrying that he would and she would be dead or worse, undead.
When he heard from Rick that she had left them. He lost his mind. Everything went dark. That she had snuck away without a word to anyone, without a word to him, had crippled Daryl with hurt. So much hurt at not being able to say goodbye to her. To say words that lived in his heart. Where it kept it pumping and warm with humanity. Words only meant for her.
"You don't," he repeated as his harsh grip on her arms loosened and he gathered her in his arms. He knew he was soaking wet but he didn't care. He just needed to hold her. To make sure she was real and with him.
After a moment he could feel her arms sneak around his waist and she hugged him close. He couldn't tell where she ended and he started. They breathed as one.
She spoke into his shirt and he couldn't hear over the storm and the rushing of blood through his body.
He placed his fingers under her chin and tipped her face up and cupped it in the cradle of his palms. His fingers slid into the strands of her short hair as his thumbs gently stroked across her cheeks.
He wasn't going to hide anymore. She needed to know how much she meant to him. How much he loved her and couldn't bare to lose her.
"If I had gone to you, I wouldn't have been able to leave….I'm so sorry,"
"Stay with me, Carol. You're mine and I'm yours. Do you feel what I'm tellin' you?"
"Daryl?"
"Ya feel me?" He whispered as he lowered his lips to within inches of hers and looked into her eyes till he saw that she understood. Till he saw her joy and her love for him shine back. Till he kissed her.