Author's Note: (Because this is what all the cool kids put before their stories to sound professional so I thought I should do it as well) Just a quick little description or whatever. Okay so xx-ExplosiveFun-xx and I were once again bored in class and decided to write another crackfic. We actually have another one which I am yet to type up. But eh.
Okay so it features out friends Kelly and Bonny.
The characters in it all belong to Death Note and the Death Note guy.
Characters: Misa, L, Near, Matt, Mello, B. Raito, Mikami and Takada are mentioned but aren't really apart of the story.
OH WARNING!!!! There is Mikami bashing, somewhat, and a bit of Misa bashing. But it's funny. It's not like we hate their soul or anything.
So yeah, I don't own Death Note, their characters or anything. I am just a fan child monkey.
Okay so the bold bits will be me and the normal bit will be xx-ExplosiveFun-xx

3000 years in the future and the world is on the brink of destruction. Only with the efforts of the superhero L has the world remained safe but that is about to change, for in the furthest, deepest cave there lay an evil monster with 6 heads and poisonous breath. It's shrieking cry could deafen you while it flew around on gothic lace wings. The monster was mutant Misa-Misa and was the mortal nemesis of L for L had killed her mate Raito-bulb.
You see years ago L had suspected Raito of being the Pink Sparkled Fairy who the public named Pinky, much to Raito's delight *ahem* dismay. Pinky was known for killing evil people. 'Pinky' wasn't necessarily pink and sparkly but is because B said so. So anyway...L killed Raito/Pinky by shooting poisoned doughnuts out of his butt.

Anyway back to the present...

Misa-Misa lay plotting her revenge but none of her ideas were very good, but, in a plash of inspiration Misa remembered that L had three apprentices; Near-o, Mell-o, and Matt-o, but these were their public names. Misa dragged her reptilian, largy body out of the cave and spread her wings, flying into the sky and disturbing the flock of Ryuks above her.

Far away Near, Matt and Mello were 'training' which really meant that Near was eating his toys, Mello was eating his chocolate ad Matt was reading yaoi *ahem* gaming. L came in and said,
Okay Misa-Misa as you know is after me and will most likely eat my soul so, if she does, I'll like you to ask Watari to bake me the super special awesome crazy cake so I can be buried with it. Also I'll like for you to track down B and tell him that I died and give him a huggle glomp for me, that is, if he doesn't eat you. Is that clear?"
Mello, Near and Matt shifted uncomfortably in their seats, unsure how to reply.
"L," Near said finally, "Why are you taking this Misa-Misa seriously? Isn't she like...a dumbarse?"
"Yes that is true but you see Near, Misa-Misa has a friend called Bonny and Bonny gave her the Disco Stick!"
Mello, Near and Matt gasped.
"THE Disco Stick?!" They asked in unison.
"Yes, the Disco Stick!"
"THAT BANSHEE!" Matt exclaimed.
"Matt! Stop playing Fable 2!" Yelled Near and Mello hit him over the head.
"Don't talk like that to Matt! He's MY bitch!"
"I ain't anyone's bitch!" And then the three dissolved into a full on brawl. L just sat there and watched eating the super crazy cake Watari brang, because Watari is totally psychic like that.
When the boys stopped fighting, L had finished off three crazy cakes, six ice creams, four and a half bars of Mello's chocolate, one of Near's toys (that was accidental) and was currently threading a jar of jam into a fishing pole. The boys stopped and stared.
"Uh, L? What ARE you doing?" Asked Near and the boys held their breathe as L put his fingers to his lips, tiptoed up the stairs onto an overhanging balcony and motioned for the boys to hide. When they did L lowered the jam slowly and just as in was reaching head height there was a blur of movement and a great cry of "JAMMMM!!!!!"
After all that had passed L called down to them while laughing,
"That's how you catch B, got it?"

~*~

Misa-Misa circled above L's secret lair and smiled.
She continued smiling as she descended and flew through the walls, but her smile faded when she reached inside. Unless in the last few years L had decided to get a gender change and become a drunken prostitute, this mysterious young lady inside was not L.
"Who...?" Misa started but stopped when the young lady whipped out some palm cards.
"Hello my name is Kelly and I am a drunken prostitute with aids that L hired to kill Misa-Misa because L was too chicken shi – too busy to do it himself. Also he is at his other secret lair teaching his apprentices what to do or something like that." Kelly said in a bored, drunken monotone. She looked up to see Misa standing there in total confusion. "Who are you?"
"I'm Misa-Misa..."
"So I'm like...meant to kill you?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Oh...AWKWARD!!!"
"Totally." Agreed Misa and she lay down. Kelly tossed a bottle of vodka towards her.
"Y'know? You're not so bad." Kelly flashed a smile that was all yellowing teeth, a few were missing. Misa downed the bottle, hiccupped and began to babble about some 'bitch called Takada'. When Misa was asleep Kelly took her chance and smashed Misa over the head with the bottle, instantly Misa-Misa was up and furious that her 'beauty rest' had been disturbed. Flying around the cramped space Misa breathed her poisonous breathe everywhere but Kelly had smelled worse. Suddenly Kelly saw something glistening and glittering in the corner of the secret lair. As she picked it up, Misa saw it was The Disco Stick™. Aiming the rudely shaped instrument of Death, Kelly yelled,
"Takada is my long lost, favourite twin brother's uncle's moustache!" and a laser shot out of the Disco Stick™ and killed Misa-Misa.

~*~

"I killed her." Kelly said, holding Misa's head up by the hair.
"How'd you chop her head...B?! WHERE ARE YOU?! I THOUGHT WE AGREED –"
"No L, it wasn't B. I tracked down Bonny and told her to behead Misa with a spork or I'll knock her up, so yeah. Now Bonny and I are lovers and I'm now FINALLY apart of Bonny and Mel's skanky, skanky relationship."
Everyone cheered and danced. ^w^

The End.

Meanwhile Mikami was trying to drown himself in a puddle out of sheer depression that Raito kicked the bucket.