Pitch Black
Rated: G
Pairing: Implied one-sided Malik/Yami no Malik
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh belongs to Takahashi-san, not me.
Warning: Spoilers and implied shonen-ai.
Notes: This isn't something I ever thought that I would write. Yet it was too tempting not to. It's just a short contemplation fic which consists of Malik thinking about "Yami no Malik" or really, the darker side of himself. I'm afraid that I may have messed up writing Malik. I just hope that I didn't mess him up too much. Anyways, enjoy.
There are some things that I wouldn't admit at loud. Some of these things are things even inside of my own head, I'm afraid to admit. Even admitting that I am afraid is a hard thing for be but the truth is: yes, I am afraid.
I've always been afraid. Afraid of you, afraid of myself, afraid of what will happen; it doesn't matter what. There's always something that I'm afraid of, something that makes it so I can't let my guard down for even a second. It's that thing that keeps me striving to be as I am, to keep doing what I do.
That reason is you. If it weren't for you I wouldn't have to fear myself or what may happen. You're what keeps me striving for such preposterous and dangerous goals. You're what keeps me from sleeping at night.
Do you know how much easier my life would without you? I wouldn't have to go through such long, thought out plans or do such cruel things. Not that I mind. Being cruel can be quite thrilling but while it is something that is very me, it's also not. I give a brief chuckle out loud at that thought. That would be like saying that you're living but your not. Though the phrase is metaphorical there is no way to be living while not.
So, I suppose you could say that I do enjoy being cruel. I chuckle again. Now I'm just kidding myself. I know I enjoy being the way that I am. And I suppose I have you to thank for it. It's ironic how much I wish to get rid of you when you're the very thing that has made my life what it is. If it weren't for you I'd still be stuck underground.
When you look at it that way, there are so many things that I have to thank you for. The Sennen Rod, being able to ride on a motorcycle, being able to feel the wind through my hair, all of the power that I've gained, and many other things that I couldn't even begin to name.
Had you not been developed during the ritual on my tenth birthday, I wouldn't to be able to do any of the things that I have done. I would still have to live underground, fulfilling the life of a grave watcher. How unpleasant that would be.
Had it not been for you I wouldn't have the strength to do all that I have done. As I have mentioned before (or rather thought) it is the fear that drives me. Do you know how frightened I am of you gaining control? It's not easy knowing that if you were I couldn't even begin to think of what you would do. I just know that whatever it is, it couldn't be good. You are the darkness that built inside of my heart during a hard time. What remorse or restraint can darkness feel?
You're even darker then him, the one who refers to himself as darkness. (1) If you think of darkness as black, he would be normal black. Dark but not the darkest that dark can be. You, on the other hand, are pitch black, as black as black can be. There is nothing darker than you.
How odd it is that I have such a thing living inside of me. And to think, you were even born from me! I suppose that doesn't say too much about myself. Since really, you are me. However, at the same time, I am not black. I'm no where near black.
Funny knowing that I'm the one who created you, my dark personality, when you are as black as black can be and I am nothing more than darkened and dull form of gray. My heart may not be pure but it is no where near as dark as yours. Again it's odd considering that you live inside of me, that we are one in the same.
It's hard to explain. Well, more correctly, hard to understand. We share the same body, same mind, same heart, same everything, and yet, we share nothing. It's if we should've been two different people but at the same time I know that we were meant to be just this one person. If I weren't here to try and keep you locked inside of my heart, you would be running about, doing whatever you want. And as I have thought before, you running around surely wouldn't be a good thing.
I'm getting a bit of track here. Then again, was there any place I was needed to go with these thoughts? Was there any point to my constant rambling inner monologue aside from the fact that it lets me decipher what it is that both of us are?
Yes, I do believer that there is a point that I've been trying to make with all of this.
You see, what I've been trying to say is that even though I run from you and I fear you, I am thankful for your existence. You've given me more than you know without even offering anything to give. Even though I want to be rid of you now over these many, many years of housing you inside of me, there is one thing that I've been acutely aware through all of that time.
I needed you.
(1) Yami no Bakura for anyone who didn't catch that.
Well, that was certainly interesting. Though I really have very little to back up all of these thoughts, umm, I suppose you can say that it works. And hey, isn't that what fanfiction is for? ^^ I hope that anyone reading this enjoyed reading it! Please review and tell me what you think! =D