Fools Day: With Cheese
In the palace of New Sheoth within the Shivering Isles, was the Prince of Madness himself, sat idly on his throne.
Sheogorath was his name, cognoscente in craze he could surely proclaim, for sanity was something he found most inane.
Today by the mortal calendar was the first of Rains Hand, but for Sheo, 'twas a boring day that was nothing but bland.
He wanted to perform a prank on unsuspecting souls, but he didn't want something of old. He wanted something that was brilliant and new, something that would make him cheer with glee.
But alas he could not think of anything to do. All his good ideas had been done through and through.
Sheo needed a fresh bright mind, perhaps one a little more sane. A thinker to think of a prank that was far from serene.
"Haskill," he bellowed, "come here right now. I need your mind, either in your head or out."
In an instant, Haskill appeared before him and said, "I am here." His voice was in its usual drone. "How may I serve you, oh great Master of Madness the craziest of all?"
"Think me something mad," Sheogorath commanded. "The mertles are droll and dull and dreary, I need to change that for I am feeling weary. I need a prank that is the opposite of inane, in fact, it would be grand if it was most insane."
"Great pranks are your speciality," Haskill responded. "I doubt I could ever come up with one as great as one of yours."
"I have thunk and thought and pondered and perused a great many ideas though none of them are new. I want something unexpected, something bold and audacious, I want something that will be quite ferocious."
"Perhaps the new is far overrated," Haskill said feeling rather jaded. "Perhaps something old with an original spin is what you seek my good man."
Sheo was not impressed by the answer, not at all. "Do you want your intestines turned into wire, your liver to coal and your brains to broccoli? I want something that's not old and done, but something unprecedented, that's fresh and fun."
Haskill began to think of something to say. For an angry Sheo was not good for the day. "Well, maybe the prank could use cheese in some way?" he suggested hoping to please his sire.
"Cheese?" Sheo said, excited by the notion. "Of course, that's delightful, what a marvellous conception."
"I'm glad you like it," Haskill replied with much conviction.
"Now think of a prank to play on the mertles, one that will involve cheese and perhaps some gerbils."
Haskill began to ponder a prank once again, but nothing came to his cognition
"I'm waiting," Sheogorath said out loudly and grim. "I want something now, not tomorrow you know."
There was nothing for Haskill could not think. Pranks were not the thing for him. However, something did soon come to mind, he hoped Sheo would not decline.
"Perhaps you could turn a farmer's crops to cheese? Or maybe make it rain parmesan till it's up to their knees?"
"Interesting ideas," Sheo did say. "But neither of them will win this day. Think of something else right now you dolt, or else you will become a goat."
He did once again begin to um and ah, trying to come up with something un-sub-par.
"I will offer you some aid," Sheo did delightfully say. "It must involve cheese in some way, for I like that idea as it holds some sway."
Haskill was regretting the notion he did suggest. Picking cheese he did now detest, one that he would soon have to correct.
"Perhaps something else should be involved, your love of cheese is something to behold, though that is why it's far too obvious, so again let's change it to something more glorious? Perhaps an alligator in someone's bed, or turning someone's soup into piss instead?"
"No!" Sheo bellowed loudly and firm. "It must involve cheese, not piss or bees, or chickens, or elephants and not alligators or feces!" the Lord of Madness then stopped to think. "Though perhaps there's something to be done that involves those things all in one. An elephant riding an alligator would be much fun, but alas it's not a prank that can be pulled on anyone."
Haskill did not like the position he was put in, for he was stuck here much to his chagrin.
"Think you fool," Sheo commanded, "for I want a prank done before the day is gone."
"What is so special about today?" Haskill did ask his Lord with interest.
"It's the first of Rain's Hand you stupid clod. Don't you understand what I want? I want this day to be for fools, for me to have fun, to ridicule the cesspool that is the mertle realm."
"But sire," Haskill said before he stopped. "Today is the second of Rains Hand a day after the fact."
The shiny headed Daedra did foresee an angry Sheo coming down on thee, but lucky for him the Lord did not instead he smiled widely with much glee.
"Haha!" he shouted. "That is fine, as now there's a full year for you to find, a pranks so amazing that it will be, the penultimate prank for all to see."
Haskill felt relief at this for he hoped in a year that Sheo would forget this thing.
So off he went to pretend to think though instead he was going to do something quite different.
Sheo got on with the rest of his day, feeling excited for next year.
And so concludes what was meant to rhyme, but alas it didn't always go quite to plan.
I guess it's now time to leave, for it is The End of this tale.