"Lemme Get a Pie with Everything on It!"
by Fancypants 66
This story tells you about Luca the Octopus' day-to-day life. Hilarity ensues.
Luca the Octopus lay asleep in bed, dreaming about his greatest aspirations, about playing the piano for the greatest and most famous of all reef denizens. With his waking up, he got up out of bed, with the joy that he was Don Lino's trusted consigliore, and then groaned in misery at the sorrow of awaking to yet another day of being the whipping boy for a bunch of Lino's overgrown pizza topping henchmen. Luca loved working for Lino because Lino actually treated him with respect, unlike all the other mob bosses of the North Side Reef, which tied Luca's tentacles jointly and swung him around, playing tetherball. And with that, there was also working of Don Malozzi of the Anglerfish family in the deepest trenches of the ocean. The guy looked like he had an eating disorder and a thyroid problem. With that, Don Malozzi had very bad breath.
But none of that happened here. No, here, Luca had respect and his own office, complete with living space.
Luca got out of bed to go and eat his breakfast. He met some of Don Lino's thugs downstairs in the eatery, The Bloated Whale. Luca placed his order, a tuna with shrimps on the side, all imploring not to be eaten, but Luca wouldn't hear of it, placing the tuna close to his mouth.
"No, please! I have children!" begged the tuna to Luca.
"No, you don't!" Luca snapped. "The boss did you a favor and you didn't pay him back! As far as I care, you're gettin' what you deserve!"
"NO! HAVE MERCY!"
He did not listen and put the tuna close to his mouth to bite, but the thing slipped from his suckered grip and back-fin slapped Luca on his face. With that, the fish swam out of the window taking the shrimp with him.
"Hey, Luca! From now on, you won't go placing your orders fresh!" laughed one of the sharks.
"Shaddup!" snapped Luca. "I'll just have toast" he said to a nearby waiter sawfish.
"Luca, this is Don Lino" exclaimed an amplified voice in the restaurant. "I need you to run an errand for me. Report to my office immediately"
Luca lifted himself up from his chair and headed without delay to Lino's office.
"Luca, I need to speak with Sykes. Fetch him for me" said Don Lino in a grave voice as though someone had died.
"Anythin' else, boss?" he asked submissively.
"Yes. Play me that song. That Moonlight song" said Lino in his moody voice.
Luca then swam to the piano, sat down on the bench, and played the song. It was a sad song. Moonlight Sonata. It wasn't very hard with eight appendages to hit the keys, but try asking one of the other residents of the ship to play it with nothing but two fins, and it would be quite impossible to not get eaten. With the final notes being hit, Luca swam off to the reef, meeting Lenny and Frankie on the way. Frankie looked well fed, but Lenny came back as usual, empty handed. The loser.
"Hey, Luca" said Lenny in his sweet as pie voice. How is it possible that Lino thinks that this kid could possibly be a killer? Luca asked himself. He's about as tough as a baby dolphin. Sometimes I wonder…
"Luca, did Pop ask us to do anything?"
"Nope. But he asked me to go and find Sykes" replied Luca.
"Sykes is a total wimp" said Frankie, as bitter as possible.
"Well, I'd best go and get him" replied Luca
With that, Luca swam to the reef, with every one of the reef's denizens hiding in fear of getting sold out to Don Lino and his hungry goons…