WARNING: This work of fanfiction contains both boy/boy and boy/girl pairings. It's also really silly. If you're likely to have a problem with either of these, it's okay, you don't have to read it. Otherwise, enjoy! Subsequent author notes and general disclaimer will be at the bottom of each chapter.

Oh, yeah. One more warning, added after I got a few flames: There will be Original Characters in this story. They are NOT Mary Sues. They're characters, and they serve very specific plot purposes. Fanfiction is all about what if's, and sometimes creating new characters are necessary to tell the story you're trying to tell. That being said, if you can't possibly stand the idea of there being anyone there who Kishimoto-sama didn't create... I'm letting you know now.

The knocking didn't wake Naruto up, per se. Consciousness is a funny thing, and even after years of ninja training designed to indoctrinate a state of almost permanent hyper-awareness… he could still probably have slept through a full-out assault by the Village of Sound.

So instead of simply waking when the knocking began… a knocking that grew systematically louder and more persistent as it was ignored… he shifted his limbs again, managing to entangle his body in the sheets in a way that would probably be easier to cut through with a kunai than twist out of, come morning.

Finally the knocking just gave up, unable to compete with dream ramen.

The knocker, however, was unwilling to lose a fight with these noodles of the mind. And, being a ninja, the visitor knew that houses have many entrances, provided you don't mind the subsequent alteration in the insurance premiums.

So he gave up trying to be polite (which wasn't really his forte anyhow) and just broke the window with a well-aimed stone, climbed up the wall vertically (behold, the power of chakra!), and slipped into the bedroom of Naruto's second floor apartment.

But because the only thing deeper than Naruto's sleep is the suspension of disbelief the reader will need as this story progresses, he continued dreaming of ramen. Lakes of ramen stretching as far as the eye can see. "Miso…" he sighed happily. "Miso miso miso…"

The intruder cocked his head to the side slightly as he pondered his next move. He needed to wake Naruto, but in a way that wouldn't wake the entire neighborhood as well. Which meant he not only had to wake him quietly, but stop him from yelling immediately afterwards.

So really, that was the only reason he leaned down and kissed Naruto. It was definitely not because he secretly had a massive thing for him, or because the author wanted to get in some fanservice in the first chapter. Nope. Ninja are all about efficiency. It worked, too. Because at the age of sixteen, Naruto's hormones possessed enough strength to tear his brain away from food. And so it was that his eyes opened (a short time after his lips had done so to allow the visitor's tongue access) to see a familiar set of glowing red eyes staring into his blue ones.

Naruto meant to yell "Sasuke-bastard!" but what with the tongue and the lips covering his mouth it came out as more of a low gutteral moan of pleasure. And he would have struggled out of it, too, only Sasuke had somehow wrapped the sheets around him so he couldn't move. If only he had a kunai to cut himself free… But the kunai on the nightstand may as well have been miles away, and so he was forced to endure the horrifically pleasant kiss for at least a few minutes more than was strictly necessary, due to Sasuke's determination to make sure he was fully awake. Ninja are very thorough.

Slightly breathless when he broke away from the kiss, Sasuke had the presence of mind (just barely) to replace his lips with his hand, silencing Naruto as efficiently but much less interestingly than before.

"I don't have time to explain. I need your help."

Naruto was impressed. In spite of the brevity of his statements, the dark-haired ninja had still uttered one and a half more sentences than he usually bothered with. It was that, and not the infamous Uchiha puppy dog eyes now turned on him, that made him decide to temporarily forestall beating the living daylights out of the traitorous bastard. Well, that, and curiousity. Whatever could make Sasuke come back to Konohanagure an indeterminate amount of years after his betrayal to ask for help from the teammate he'd tried to kill… this had to be good.

It was definitely not the puppy dog eyes.

"Get dressed, we have to go now. Quietly." In Sasuke terms, he was practically rambling. Curiouser and curiouser. Naruto did as he was told, biting his lip to keep from yelling as he almost fell, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding his feet had about which of them went in which pant leg. And then again when his toes hit the edge of his bed. And when in his haste he grabbed the wrong end of his kunai off the nightstand.

A few minutes later, both ninja, one with a bloody lip, jumped through the broken window and began running across the rooftops away from Konohanagakure.

A few hours later, the stomach of the ninja with the scab on his lip broke the silence. And terrified nearby birds into flight. "Sasuke, I'm huunnnngryyyyy…… Can we stop for breakfast?" They were currently running through the treetops in traditional ninja fashion.

"We're miles away from any towns, dobe."

"You're the one who broke my window, woke me up in the middle of the night, tried to kill me in that fight …and… kissed me! The least you could do is get me some damn ramen for breakfast!" In the time since Sasuke had left the village, Naruto had matured greatly, become calmer, more thoughtful, and of course, a great deal stronger. None of these newfound traits were visible before eight am at the earliest.

He could, however, effortlessly catch whatever it was Sasuke flung towards him. It was a nutrition bar, standard issue, the kind without chocolate chips. The life of a ninja was indeed a harsh one.

"Sorry."

Sorry for what? The kiss? The attempted murder? The window? The lack of chocolate chips? Still, the very fact that the Uchiha had apologized was astonishing. Maybe Orochimaru insisted his ninja have classes in basic etiquette.

No, scratch that, if that were true that one chick with the flute would never have passed.

"So," he asked, having consumed the entire bar in three bites, "where are we going and what do you need me for?"

"We're going to the Hidden Village of Sound. It's a rescue mission."

Naruto persisted. "But you came from there, didn't you? So why do you need to rescue someone from someplace you went willingly? And… stuff." None of this was making any sense to the blonde or to the readers.

"Look, I decided to leave the village a while back but it's not a place you can just leave. They kept me locked up so Orochimaru could use my body next time he needed to switch to a new one. But a couple of the other prisoners helped me escape. I couldn't take them with me, though, so now we're going back for them." Then, before Naruto could ask any of the million and one questions his summary begged, he added, "And I know you'll have a million more questions, dobe, but trust me, they can wait until later. Right now we need to concentrate on getting us into and us and them out of Sound alive."

If Sasuke had looked in Naruto's direction at that moment, he would have seen a truly impressive pout, one Naruto had spent years perfecting on Iruka. One that would probably, by its very cuteness, have caused Sasuke to miss a step and hit the trunk of a tree with his face. So it's probably just as well he didn't look to his left. "Okay, okay, I get the idea. But can I ask one question?"

"Fine." This was truly a kinder, gentler Sasuke. "What?"

"Who is it we're rescuing?" He hoped they weren't anything like any of the sound nins he'd dealt with before. Though they were prisoners. Just so long as they weren't like that Kimimaro guy. Man, had he been creepy. No one should be able to nonchalantly pull a sword out of your arm made out of your arm. Ew.

"Two kunochi. One of them is your sister."

"MY SIS…" Sasuke turned and glared at him, Sharingan spinning for all it was worth. Naruto took the hint and, with great difficulty, shut the hell up.

So he had a sister. He had a sister! Maybe she'd be a younger sister, and she could move in with him. He'd take care of her, teach her everything he knew… well, not the sexy no jutsu… and she'd look up to him and call him jikei and they could play together and he'd buy her ramen. Or maybe she was an older sister and she'd move in with him and boss him around and tell him to clean his room. But she'd also fuss over him and make dinner for him so they could eat together, so he wouldn't mind. And he'd be her otouto. And either way he'd have a family and wouldn't that be cool? Though he already had Iruka-sensei, who was like an older brother… would she and Iruka get along? What if she didn't like ramen? No, that was silly, no sister of his could ever fail to appreciate this food of the gods. What if she liked ramen more than he did?

His thoughts thus occupied, they managed to reach the Hidden Village of Sound in only a sentence or two. The rest of the trip was uneventful, and thankfully for Sasuke, very quiet. Then they reached the outskirts of the Hidden Village of Sound.

Sasuke pulled a scroll from one of his pouches and spread it on the ground in front of him.

"This is a map of the village. Guards are posted here," he pointed, "…here and here. The prison cells are here. Orochimaru and many of the high level ninja are currently away on some top secret mission, so they won't be a problem, and Sound isn't expecting an attack. It's still better guarded than the Leaf, though, so be on your guard at all times."

"This is the plan…"

Disclaimer for entire piece: This is a work of derivative fiction based on the characters and setting of Naruto, created by Masashi Kishimoto. No ownership, except of a few original characters, is implied.

Dedicated to catspaw18 and QuestofDreams, with special thanks to those who have taken the time to review my earlier works.

The idea for this work comes from a dare given to me by catspaw18.

Comments and suggestions welcome.