An Unexpected Happening
Rein Elanor
Disclaimer: It's pretty safe to say that nothing in this story belongs to me. I do not own Star Wars, I do not own Harry Potter, and I certainly do not own The Lord of the Rings. I just put them in my cauldron of a brain and mixed them up.
A/N: This story is a triple crossover. It was written in a series of snatched moment, either before sleep, during work breaks, or before class starts. I apologize deeply for it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and it still amuses me. So I thought it might amuse at least one other person.
"What the hell do you think you're doing with those mermaid toenails?"
The voice rang out through the dungeons and Hermione Granger gritted her teeth. He couldn't just take it like a man, could he? No, Severus Snape had to make her life a living hell just because Albus Dumbledore saw fit to make her his apprentice.
Through gritted teeth, the young woman explained, "I'm putting the toenails in the bowl, sir. So I can grind them up. The potions calls for a fine powder of mermaid toenails, I believe?" she asked acidly. She knew perfectly well that the potion called for exactly that. So did Snape. This knowledge did not improve his temper.
Severus Snape was a man accustomed to solitude. He liked to work in a quiet environment by himself. Ever since Albus had forced the bushy-haired, bright-eyed young know-it-all on him, he had found his dungeon haven filled with aggravation.
"You are too disrespectful by half, Miss Granger," he hissed, getting right up in her face. "Insubordination might have been acceptable while you were in University, but it will not be tolerated while you are my pupil."
He was standing quite close to her now, his greasy black hair falling over his face, and his nose almost touching hers.
Her brown eyes blazed back at him. "Would you mind not standing so close, sir?" she spat. "I respectfully tell you that you smell none too fresh."
Snape's face went white with rage. "How dare you," he hissed.
Hermione actually did look a little bit frightened at what had popped out of her mouth. She tried to take a step back, away from the tall man before her.
His hands reached out and grasped her thin shoulders. She tensed, readying herself for a blow. It never came.
He had been ready to shake her until her teeth rattled, but he paused before commencing his punishment. There was no need for Hermione to wonder what had stopped him, either.
Brown eyes met black ones. Both faces wore a tense, set look- Hermione's young, lightly freckled face, and Snape's pale, thin face- both wore identical looks of intent listening.
"Do- do you hear that?" Hermione whispered.
"Draw your wand." The command was curt, not to mention unnecessary. Both wands were already drawn.
"It sounds like…a thousand giants, running, shouting. It sounds like they're right in the room-"
Hermione's words were cut off as a jerk behind her naval pulled her right out of the Hogwarts dungeons. She fell to the ground in bright sunlight, right on top of Snape.
"Blast."
Obi-Wan Kenobi's voice was grating on Padmé's nerves. It was too calm, too well-modulated, and the accent was too perfect.
"What's gone wrong with the ship this time, O Vaulted Jedi Master?" She inquired acidly, turning in the chair she was sitting in.
They were in the cockpit of her own Nubian ship, three days out on an important mission. An important mission that was going horribly wrong already.
"Is it the power cuplinks? The reverse thruster? The voltage compensator?" She continued, her light brown eyes boring into the back of his head.
He turned in his chair to face her. "It's the navicomputer, if you must know, Senator. And I don't think you need get all high and mighty with me. I didn't cause all these problems with your ship." His clear blue eyes were calm, but his lips tightened, showing his frustration.
Padmé's hackles were rising. After three days of his coolness, she longed for a good verbal fight.
"Are you accusing me of not taking care of my ship, Jedi?" She growled, standing up. "Because I never had a problem with her before your holiness arrived on board and started flying like a Tusken Raider."
He took a deep breath, visibly calming himself and letting go of his anger. It would do him no good to fight about something so trivial.
"Senator Amidala, I was making no accusations. I am sure you take very good care of your ship. But we do need to fix the navicomputer, or we'll be stuck here for a long time."
If anything, the Jedi's calmness infuriated Padmé more. "Oh, yes, because you're always right, aren't you?" She was deliberately goading him, and he knew it. Standing, he walked over to her chair and knelt before her.
He laid a hand on hers, and said quietly, "I'm sorry that I annoy you, Padmé. I know you're upset over what's going on with Anakin, but the mission-"
Obi-Wan stopped in mid-sentence. Both he and Padmé were listening intently to something.
"Do you…" he began.
"Yes, I hear it," she whispered. "What is it?"
"It sounds like drums- and I hear voices calling…What!"
Padmé and Obi-Wan both felt their feet lift off the steel deck of the ship. They landed on quite a different surface in bright sunlight.
Aragorn had been running for three days. He was determined to find the young hobbits, even if it meant dying on the way. However, he didn't think it would come to that. He was a very good runner. That's why he was so surprised when he tripped over four bodies.
"What on Gideon's Green…"Hermione started to say, trying to sit up.
"Oopff." She heard. She got off Snape in a hurry. She had just straightened up to get a look around where they were when two more people fell on top of her, and sent her back onto Snape. She didn't even have time to see what the two newcomers looked like when a fifth person joined their unexpected party on the ground.
Everything was a tangle of arms and legs and boots and hair until they struggled to their feet.
Then Hermione saw the other members of the group. There was Snape, of course, dressed in billowing black, with his greasy black hair blowing about his face in the wind.
Then there were the two who had fallen onto Hermione, a man and a woman. The man had very clear, very blue eyes, a handsome face, broad shoulders, and reddish-brown hair. He was wearing a strange tunic thing and a robe. The girl was quite thin, and was wearing a skin-tight white jumpsuit. Her shining brown hair was smooth, and tied up in an elaborate braid.
Hermione herself was suddenly conscious of her worn jeans and ragged T-shirt, not to mention her bushy hair. She looked at the man who had tripped over them. He was quite tall, with a chiseled jaw and a fine nose. His dark hair was ragged with grit and sweat, and he wore a green cloak and what appeared to be a medieval weapons arsenal.
Everyone had been staring at one another until two more people came jogging up. Hermione stared incredulously.
One of the newcomers was very slender, and dressed all in green and brown. He had long blond hair and steel blue eyes, with a very lovely and fine face. Hermione thought he looked a bit of a priss.
The other was a very short and stout, with a great beard that reached almost to his waist. He wore heavy boots and carried an axe. He was definitely a dwarf. It was completely obvious.
Snape looked like he, too, was evaluating their present company. Hermione could tell by the way his dark eyes narrowed and the thin lines around his mouth stood out that he was not pleased, and actually a little frightened. He had no idea where they were, either. Their eyes met, and Hermione found herself actually moving a little closer to him. They were obviously in a strange world, and Snape was the only thing in it she knew.
The man with reddish brown hair wearing the tunic was the first to speak. His voice, a pleasant tenor, was calm, but there was no denying the slight fear that lurked just beneath the surface.
"If someone has an explanation, I would be very glad to hear it."
Everyone looked at him. No one seemed able to speak. Snape rolled his eyes- NOW the Granger girl became tongue-tied.
"Can anyone tell me where we are?" Snape asked, folding his arms in full professor mode.
The tall, sweaty man with the sword spoke up. "You are approaching the borders of Rohan. You are in Middle Earth."
Hermione noticed that for all his scruffy appearance, he had regal features and wonderful eyes. She stared at him for a bit.
"And who are you?" asked the girl in the white jumpsuit. There was a certain authority in her words. She sounded used to wielding power.
"I am called Strider," the man answered, bowing slightly. He indicated the blond fellow and the dwarf. "These are my companions- Legolas the elf, son of Thranduil of Mirkwood, and Gimli the dwarf, son of Gloin." He stopped, and studied the strangers. "And now," he said, a hint of steel in his voice, "I would ask who you are."
The man in brown who had spoken first stepped forward. "I am General Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master. Senator Amidala," He indicated the woman in white, "and I are on a mission for the Republic Senate."
Senator Amidala looked a little annoyed. Hermione supposed it was because Kenobi had jumped forward to do the introductions when she felt it to be her job.
Hermione understood her frustration as Snape stepped forward. "I am Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This is Hermione Granger," he said, waving a careless hand in her direction. "My apprentice."
"Assistant," she corrected, with a growl. "I am a Potions Mistress in my own right, as well as being a fully trained Auror."
Strider's eyes were crinkled in amusement, but his voice was still serious as he said, "I haven't heard how you came to fall from the sky. Are you a weapon of Saruman, sent to stall us from our mission?"
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Hermione muttered. But no one else got the joke.
Speaking aloud, she said, "Sir, we are just as confused and lost as you are. We have no idea how we got here, and even less of who or what you refer to."
She saw Senator Amidala nod in agreement. Kenobi opened his mouth to say something, perhaps to explain how they had come from the deck of Padmé's ship to the grassy ridge they now stood on.
But Legolas the elf spoke before the Jedi Master could. "The Rohirrhim!" he cried quietly. "My Lord Ara-…er….Strider, they approach from the West!" His fair face was peering off into the distance, eyes keen, and he seemed to be blushing.
Obi-Wan supposed it was because he had called Strider his "Lord Ara- something". Obviously this Strider was more than he said.
Obi-Wan noticed the man in black, Snape, was staring intently at the Senator at his side. The man's dark eyes seemed to be boring into Padmé's face. Obi-Wan could feel the man's power- he was looking into her mind!
The Jedi stepped between Snape and the Senator. Snape sneered a bit as he read the challenge in Kenobi's blue eyes. Obi-Wan heard him mutter something, and he put up his defenses just in time to block Snape's invasion, at the same time reaching for his lightsaber.
Just at this moment, Hermione, who had been gazing into the West with the elf to see what all the fuss was about, finally turned around and looked at Snape. She recognized immediately what he was doing and felt a rush of anger at his utter stupidity and lack of tact. She also saw Ob-Wan reaching for what had to be a weapon.
"Severus!" she cried sharply, slapping his arm angrily. "What the hell do you think you're doing ?"
He stopped performing Legillimency on Obi-Wan- he hadn't gotten far, anyways. The man was a magic adept, and very skilled at Occlumency.
Snape turned a furious glare at the young chit. Obi-Wan drew his lightsaber from his belt, but didn't turn it on. Padmé already had her blaster out.
"Oh, for Cere's sake," Hermione growled, after glancing at the weapons, and glaring accusingly at Snape. "Now they'll think we're both evil, and we'll never make it home!"
Obi-Wan stared at the bushy-haired girl and the thin man. They were an odd pair. Snape's sense was absolutely guarded. Obi-Wan could tell that he'd seen darkness and still kept its marks. The girl, however, was pure- an innocent. Her anger was not rage- not that dangerous, all-consuming fire. She felt that her companion had made a mistake, and she was bent on taking him to task for it.
As her voice was ringing out over the surrounding hills, Obi-Wan decided he liked her. She was headstrong, but essentially good.
Obi-Wan felt Padmé touch his sleeve, He glanced at her, and saw that she was looking at the three odd people who seemed to belong in the strange place to which they had come.
The three were deep in conversation, Gimli the dwarf making violent motions with his hands. Obi-Wan could sense their fear, their impatience. They were waiting for something.
"I've got a bad feeling about this, " he muttered to Padme. "Let's try to get out of here."
She nodded, but glanced first at the other couple. Hermione was still shouting; something about 'schoolboy grudges' and 'ridiculous manners'.
"I think we should get them to come with us," she said. "We should stay together- it might help us to get home, and even to survive out here."
Obi-Wan nodded. Whatever he felt about Severus Snape, he could also feel the Force pushing him and Padmé towards the other two.
While Hermione was running down the list of Snape's horrendous faults, he himself was gazing over her bushy head at the Jedi and the Senator. Kenobi and the woman were discussing something. Snape's eyes narrowed.
"And there's no reason to dress like every day is a bloody funeral!" Hermione shrilled. "Honestly, would a hint of green or blue kill you?"
Snape stiffened. However, it was not in reaction to Hermione's fashion criticism. He had just heard Kenobi's voice in his head. Apart from himself and Albus Dumbledore, he knew no one that advanced in Legillimency. He decided to do as Kenobi said, if only to find out more.
"You're practically a forty-year-old man! I mean, get over it already!" Hermione was saying. But she was cut off rather suddenly as Snape grabbed her. With one hand on her wrist, he spun her around and flush against him. His other hand clapped over her mouth.
"We're leaving," he hissed. "We're going with Kenobi and the Senator. Shut your mouth for one bloody minute." He was whispering in her ear, and she could feel his breath on her neck. Snape had started walking, putting the hand that had been on her wrist on her left shoulder. He guided her forward, finally pulling his hand from her mouth.
Kenobi and Amidala were making their way quickly and quietly down the ridge. Snape and Hermione were not fat behind when Legolas the elf ran up.
His silvery blue eyes looked troubled. "Please, you must stay with us. You have no idea of the dangers of this world."
Snape was inclined to sneer at the elf, but Hermione pointed down the hill. "Look!" she whispered.
There were tracks on the grass- or what was left of the grass. Whatever had passed had been many and violent. Snape could see Obi-Wan down the hill, studying the marks.
Strider was somehow with them. He must be a swift and silent runner. Gimli the dwarf came up behind him. "We'd better get into hiding pretty fast," he said in a voice like an axe hitting stone. "The Riders are nearing."
The Senator was already on her way back up the hill, engaged in conversation with Strider. Obi-Wan walked behind them, looking doubtful.
Legolas was still standing by Hermione. "My lady, we must get under cover." His voice was in earnest. Hermione nodded, though Snape rather thought it was the elf's blue eyes and long blond hair that decided the chit to trust him.
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A/N: Please tell me what you think so far. There's a lot more of this story in a notebook. I just have to type it. Tell me if it's worth it or not, and I'll continue based on your response. The plan for the story is to take the four offworlders (Snape, Hermione, Obi-Wan, and Padmé) with Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas to the Battle of Helm's Deep. I wanted to see what the Force, Padmé's blaster, and Hogwarts magic would do at that battle. Tell me: yes or no?