Nagisa's Inner Voice 1:
*I do not own Clannad. But I did write this fanfic. I just like to toy around with some ideas. I hope you enjoy.. even though the first chapter and some of the 2nd may be sad. There are some very small details I want to and, a little extra dialogue to the first chapter. I did use some dialogue in this story for all the chapters. I do not own the dialogue. All credit of Clannad goes to the creator. I am not sure of his or her name. Again Enjoy!
Nagisa's POV ~ Ushio's birth (Nagisa's Death)
It was just a normal day, Tomoya was at work, I was home and cooking dinner. I laid down early because I wasn't quite feeling myself. Tomoya came home to find me laid down and rushed over to my bed side. "Nagisa!?" I felt kind of weak right now.
"It's ok, I was just tired so I wanted to lay down." Tomoya nodded at me. It was then that I felt a fever and an extreme pain course threw my abdomen. "Ow!" Tomoya immediately took my hand in his.
"Nagisa?" I was struggling to much to answer. I was trying to think of a way to ease the pain, and squeezing Tomoya's hand seemed to help. I apologized for it over and over again, but he would insist it was fine and that he was glad he could help. Tomoya began to cry as my pain worsened. "You're alright Nagisa, don't worry. Hang in there. You're going to make it, okay." Again, Tomoya called my name.
"Don't worry about me..." I said weakly, trying to put on a smile for my husband. "I'm fine, I have to look out for Ushio." I breathed in deeply. "After this is over, the three of us are going to live together," I began to cry happily at the thought. ", right here in our very home." Tomoya's eyes still held fear for me, I knew that wouldn't go away, but I tried to lighten the mood. It was then that I heard the front door open and I saw my mother, father, and the mid-wife (Iagi) come in. I was slightly relieved.
"Ok we were able to get Iagi (I think that's how you spell it.)" I saw my father appear in the room at that moment.
"Damn it, all the cars are stuck on the road. What the hell? Why now?" I laughed inside at my father, always worrying.
"Listen Akio, I need you to boil some water for me, as much as you can."
"Alright." I saw my father disappear into the kitchen and my mother Sanae sat at a table on the hallway. That's when the mid-wife came over to us, sitting next to Tomoya.
"Okasaki, You do what ever you can to encourage your wife." I heard her say. The pain was making me less observant to almost everything.
"Alright." Tomoya said, unchanging is position, I could only tell because I could heard him in the same exact spot. "It's ok if I hold her hand isn't it?" He asked, I wouldn't let go either way. I heard the mid-wife's voice rise as if she was standing up so I tried my best to open my eyes to find her standing smiling at Tomoya.
"Of course. Just hold on, and don't let go." I smiled. If I made it threw this, we were going to be great friends. I felt Tomoya lower himself down to me and kiss my cheek.
"Nagisa, I'm right here with you, ok. Don't give up Nagisa. I know you can do it. It's going to be fine... You're going to have Ushio and we're going to start our new life together." I smiled inside. It helped me somewhat, but the pain, oh the pain!
The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt. It started in my abdomen and would spread across my mid-section, some how reaching the deepest muscles within me. How, or why did this hurt so much.. I guess that's the joy of bringing a child into the world. I was excited. Because soon, Tomoya and I would be parents, parents to a beautiful baby. And even if something did happen to me Tomoya would be able to love him or her, that's all I could ask for.
The nurse kept calmly beckoning me to calm down and to relax, but it was so difficult.
The pain increased and the more it increased the weaker I felt. It soon came to the point of passing out during the climax of every contraction. I was fearful. What did this look like to Tomoya right now? I could only imagine his pain.
The pain stretched on and on, when I was able to breathe for a moment I looked at the clock, I had been in labor for roughly five hours, how much could my or Ushio's bodies take? And shortly after that thought, I heard my and Tomoya's baby, his or her cry was so innocent, so delicate, so new.
After that I felt my consciousness begin to slip. "Nagisa?" I heard Tomoya's pleas. I felt my husband take ahold of my hand and beckon me again. Slowly, and willingly I opened my eyes to see a beautiful baby wrapped in a white blanket in it's daddy's arms. "Nagisa." I was so tired, but tried to force myself to stay awake, but it was so hard. As I tried harder Tomoya and I's baby's wails were more profound. I was overjoyed that our baby had made it here.
"Tomoya?" I asked, my vision getting dimmer.
"She's here. Nagisa, she's right here." He said, his eyes full of oncoming tears. I smiled weakly, trying to see. "You can hear her right? That's our baby." He said, pride in his voice, pride I was happy to hear. "That's our baby crying.
"Y-yeah." I said. I was finding it harder and harder to find my voice.
"Here, look." He said, carefully leaning the baby so I could see her. My little Ushio. "I got to hold her before anyone else. See?" I was overjoyed for us.
"Tomoya.." I whispered. "She turned out so cute."
"This is our little baby Nagisa. It's our little Ushio." I fought to keep my eyes open. My tiredness was beginning to win over.
"Here there Ushio." I said.
"It's a girl. She's as healthy as she can be."
"Yeah, I am so glad I could have her here at home with you. Tomoya I am so sorry I had to make Ushio work so hard for you, but at least we were all together." I was beginning to feel as if I was slipping, slipping from my body. Tomoya continued to cry, out of happiness for Ushio, but fear for me.
"You did a great job. I mean it." But something else came out of my mouth afterwards. Something I felt physically, but didn't want to do.
"Hey, I'm sorry but I'm starting to feel a little tired. Could you let me rest?" I asked, I didn't want to ask it, not at all. I could see the tears beginning to roll down his cheeks at a fast rate. "Just for a second?" I could hear my baby's cries get more and more incoherent. No I wanted to stay! I wanted to stay with my husband and my baby! Please! I could hear my father and mother panicking in the background.
"Nagisa?!" My mother gasped.
"Damn it, the doctor still isn't here!"
"We still can't use the car?!" My mom and dad panicked. I laughed inside again, my dear old dad and mom... I loved them so much, I would miss them dearly, I really was slipping, I could feel it. That's when Tomoya spoke, his voice was clearest in my ears.
"Nagisa. Wait Nagisa, not yet." He pleaded. I fought to stay a longer. As long as I could. "Come on, let's just.. talk a little longer ok." He cried. "You don't have to say anything, just listen." He pleaded again. Ok Tomoya, I will listen.. forever. "Come on you have to look at our baby." He encouraged.
"She looks like a cute little monkey doesn't she?" He asked. I smiled silently. Tomoya, I would miss you the most. I wouldn't ever leave your side, I would guarantee that. "See she's so tiny. Here, I going to call her name ok." He held the baby close. "Ushio," He whispered. "Hey it's daddy, Ushio. This is mommy see, look at her. See?" He asked as our baby continued to cry. "She's ignoring me, guess she doesn't understand yet." I opened my eyes to smile at him again, just to make sure I smiled one last time. I didn't want to leave, and I was fighting it to the best of my ability, but the blackness overcoming my strength, weakening me bit by bit.
"I bet she'll grow up before we know it. She'll start school, we'll have to go clothes shopping with her, we'll have open house and school festivals to go to. We'll do it all as a family.." His voice was beginning to fade. "Even though I used to make fun of that stuff when I was growing up..." And his voice got farther and farther. Lucky for me, I got a little more to say before I had to leave the man, baby, family, and friends I love so much against my will.
"T-t-tom-Tomoya?" I said, getting weaker now.
"Yes?" He asked, the sorrow coating his tone.
"I love you, Ushio, our friends, and family. I'll miss you." And that was it. The last thing I heard from my body was Tomoya calling my name again. Now, I was hearing him as a spirit, standing there, waiting to go where I was meant to go. I didn't want to, but I didn't have much choice, hopefully I could watch over everyone. I could just hope.
As I stood there, oblivious to them, Tomoya kept calling my name, placing my hand on little Ushio's cheek, and yet I didn't respond. As I waited... I began to think of all the good times between Tomoya and I, and I didn't want to leave. I wanted to go back. PUT ME BACK! PLEASE! But I was still here, and eventually the images began to fade and so did Tomoya. No!
As I cried I found myself sitting on a bench, on the old path up to the high school. I ran to follow it, but it was never ending. I found that from here, to the right of the bench was a small fresh, clear lake and within it I could watch my family, friends, my baby Ushio, and my husband Tomoya.
And there I sat. I watched everything over the next five year period. Family and Friends gathered at my funeral and shortly after Tomoya had my father and mother temporarily raise Ushio threw his depression. I couldn't handle this, but I wanted to know what was going on. Tomoya worked non-stop and began to smoke and drink. No Tomoya! It's just what your father did, please stop.
My mother had told my daughter that it was only ok to cry in the bathroom or in her daddy's arms.. I think that was for Ushio to tell her daddy, but I could see the sorrow in my baby, god I wish I could just hold her.
And thankfully, five years later my mother came to see him, finally getting him to come on a trip that my mother and father weren't going to go on. My mother tricked Tomoya into thinking they would be there with Ushio and Tomoya. Good thinking mom!
I could just hope everything would go well, and I would watch very carefully.
Thanks for reading! Please, please Review!
Luv all you!