Author's Note: Just a short oneshot I came up with after thinking about the twins. They're two of my favorite characters! Oh, and in this I disregard the fact that Fred died. Because he shouldn't have. He left Holey George all alone! …well, hope you like the twin cuteness!
Pairings: None, but I guess there's a bit of George/Angelina and Fred/Angelina if you squint. Lucky girl.
Warning: Slight language, though nothing strong.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or its characters.
The Same throughout the Years
The twins had been in a loving rivalry ever since they had been conceived. They had fought on who was to be born first (George had won that round) to who had the most freckles (they had the exact same amount). But there are many things for a pair of twins to fight over to gain a lead.
Who Can Speak First? (Age One)
Fred and George Weasley were sitting in identical high chairs, identical bibs tied around their necks, and identical green glop (called "broccoli-flavored baby food") smeared all over their identical attachable desks.
Molly Weasley cooed at the both of them. "C'mon cuties, say mum!"
Fred glared at her and waved his chubby arms in circles in an attempt to say don't call me cute!
Mrs. Weasley let out a shrill squeal and leaped forward to pinch Fred's cheek. "Aww, whose a little mum's boy? My widdle Freddykins!"
Fred scowled over her shoulder at George, who was snickering.
Get offa me, woman! Fred attempted to say again. But instead it came out like "uhh-ga-buh".
This caused Mrs. Weasley to chuckle. "Aren't you the little chatterbox?" She turned to George then, a slight frown marring her normally happy face. "Now, Georgie, why haven't you tried? Come on, say mum…"
She crouched in front of the highchair, making funny faces in an attempt to get George to talk. Instead, George looked at her blankly and something mushy hit her back.
Mrs. Weasley turned to look at Fred, who innocently stared back. But his right hand was covered in green baby food mush and Mrs. Weasley knew what was on her back and who the culprit was.
"Why, bad Fred! No! You're supposed to eat it! Not throw it!" Mrs. Weasley wailed in distress, not knowing that this was the way most of her conversations with the twins would go: her scolding them.
Fred peered at her as she lectured him on all the health benefits of baby food and how hard of stain it was to remove.
"Uhh…Uhh!" came an urgent call from George.
Mrs. Weasley turned with her mouth open in mid-rant, and got a mouth and face full of green baby food mush for her trouble. That was when she cracked and began to full out cuss. This was the third time this week something like this had happened, and she finally took out some of her frustration by cussing.
Fred and George watched, their baby eyes wide, at the new words flying from their mother's mouth. They watched as she calmed down, chest heaving, eyes wild, and mastered herself.
She smoothed her hair and turned back to her babies. "Now, say mumsie!" She tried again half-heartedly, resigned to the fact that not all babies could be like Percy and say 'Da' and 'Mum' only nine months after birth. The twins were ten months and had said not one word.
But to her surprise, Fred and George opened their mouths, mischief dancing in their identical eyes, and crowed "bloody wankers!" together happily.
There was a dull thump as Mrs. Weasley hit the ground in a dead faint.
The first time of many.
Who Can Annoy Percy More? (Age Two)
"Purse," Fred warbled in his toddler voice, latching onto his four year old brother's ankle.
Percy looked down condescendingly. "Could you get off, please?" He requested gravely. "It's quite uncomfortable."
George toddled over, screeching a garble string of war cries. He threw himself at Percy, landing on his foot. His meaty toddler fists closed around Percy's ankles. "—Ahh!" George finished, grinning goofily and toothlessly at his twin.
Fred showed off his equally toothless grin.
"Oh, great, another one," Percy sighed, rubbing his temples. "Mum just had to have a trouble maker and she just had to have double!"
A little while and sore ankles and threats and tears later, Fred and George were in their mother's arms while she scolded Percy. As she turned to leave the room, they grinned evilly at Percy, all signs of tears and hurt gone.
Percy's face turned red with anger and he sputtered wordlessly.
This, too, ended in a tie as it was a team effort.
Who Can Make the Baby Frown First? (Age Three)
Fred and George stared at the drooling, chubby thing their parents had named Ronald.
It smiled, revealing its pink gums.
Fred and George exchanged shared looks of disgust.
"Let's-" George began.
"-wait until it's older-" Fred continued.
"-to make it miserable," George finished, nodding firmly.
And so they would. Quite thoroughly, too.
Who Can Loose More Teeth? (Age Four)
"Punch me," Fred told George.
"No," George replied, shaking his head furiously. His red bangs flopped from side to side.
"Why not?" Fred asked crossly.
"Cuz then you'd loose a tooth and win and I'd get in trouble. So you punch me," George explained convincingly.
Fred considered. "Nice try, but how about we hit each other at the same time. That way—"
"—we both get in trouble—" George broke in, grinning broadly and toothily.
"—and we both loose a tooth." Fred finished grandly and stuck out his hand. "Agreed?"
An identical hand shook his. "Agreed," George conceded.
It ended with two teeth lost and a black eye. The teeth were both Fred's. Turned out George gave a mean sucker punch. The black eye was George's. Mr. Weasley had come in behind George at the last moment, distracting Fred and throwing off his aim. Both of the twins had been punished.
Fred: 1
George: 0
Who Can Break More Bones? (Age Five)
George jumped off a tree, but Bill, who'd been flying around on the family broomstick, saw him and caught him before impact.
Plan: failed.
Fred attempted to have his fingers shut in a closing door, but no one slammed the door nearly hard enough—except for Percy or Mum in a mood, but they were too cheerful. The bloody wankers.
Plan: failed.
Finally, as the two met to deliberate and decide how to break a bone, George tripped over one of Dad's Muggle "toasters" and broke his pinky toe in two places.
Fred: 1
George: 2
Who Can Wake Up Charlie Faster? (Age Six)
Shall not be discussed in depth as it ended up with several broken bones and bruises.
Not the twins, of course.
Charlie was quite cross when he came round to find out his six year old brothers had broken his left arm and a knuckle bone and blackened his eye.
When asked later on by his girlfriend on Platform nine-and-three-quarters, he said that she should see the other guys. She'd been mighty impressed and swooned.
Fred and George had cracked up in the background. They were unharmed.
And tied, since Fred earned a point for so-far-unnoticed tattoo on the back of Charlie's neck that read 'I'm a bloody wanker'.
The twins did seem to have a strange obsession with their first words.
Who's the Faster Eater, Round One? (Age Seven)
Mrs. Weasley's offers for tenths and elevenths were accepted, as well as twenty-ths.
But Fred managed to pull ahead by one grape.
George was already running to the bathroom by the time Fred had swallowed.
The rest of the family had pushed away their plates long before, sickened.
Fred: 3
George: 2
Who's the Faster Eater, Round Two? (Age Eight)
In which Fred and the rest of the family all run to the bathroom as George is in his element: desserts.
George watched them go with mild amusement, spooning up the last of his twenty-third apple pie. He vaguely wondered if there was any cherry pie.
Fred: 3
George: 3
Who has the Longer Nose? (Age Nine)
"Mum, who has—"
"—the longer nose?"
Molly Weasley observed the boys carefully before saying, "Both." She nodded for emphasis and began to dust again, keeping a careful eye on the stove, where a tea pot was beginning to steam.
"Dad, who has—"
"—the longer nose?"
Mr. Weasley didn't even glance up from his Daily Prophet but only said distractedly, "Whatever your mother said,"
"Bill, who has—"
"—the longer nose?"
Bill looked at them in confusion. "Where'd you get that idea from?" He asked, brow furrowed and added, "And anyways, I can't tell. Go ask Charlie." He went back to his O.W.L. study guide book, muttering something about "twins" and "can't wait" and "Filch" and "what hit him".
"Charlie, who has—"
"—the longer nose?"
Charlie ignored them, intent on writing to his girlfriend. He had given them the cold shoulder ever since last month, when someone—Percy, of course—had finally pointed out the tattoo on the back of his neck. Charlie had gotten Mum to remove it but remained furious.
When he confronted the twins and started to yell, Fred had said jokingly "don't make me break your other arm". Charlie had frozen, narrowed his eyes, and walked away, loosing that round.
"Percy, who has—"
"—the longer nose?"
Percy looked up regally from a rather large (and dusty) book. He pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose and looked disapprovingly at the twins. "Honestly, Fred, George, you're identical twins!" He huffed and returned to his book.
"Ron, who has—"
"—the longer nose?"
Ron looked at them a second before saying "Percy" and cracking up.
"Ginny, who has—"
"—the longer nose?"
The toddler stared at them in confusion and said, "Gah…?" For clarification, she pointed at Fred.
"Ha, told you!" Fred celebrated as George sulked, crossing his arms and sighing moodily.
Fred: 4
George: 3
Who's Taller? (Age Ten)
"Fred, that's cheating!" George complained, "You can't stand on your toes!"
Fred ignored his twin and continued to stand on his toes like a ballerina. He was leaning against the side of a doorway, where a series of marks had been made. The doorway was seven feet in height and the highest mark was currently Bill's—six feet, one inch—but Charlie was quickly catching up.
"Mum, tell him you can't stand on your toes!" George protested.
"Hush, Fred," Molly said distractedly to George as she tried to mark Fred's height with her wand. But Fred kept wiggling around. "Stop moving George!"
"But I'm George—"
It ended with George standing on his toes, too, and they got marked at exactly the same height, just as before. But George got a point for creatively re-titling every 'Percy' mark to—no, not blood wanker—but 'prat'.
The twins had found their new favorite word.
Fred: 4
George: 4
Who is Sorted First? (Age Eleven)
Fred and George waited eagerly, bouncing on the balls of their feet.
"Weasley, Fred," McGonagall called, her eyes falling on the two identical faces. One which broke out in a triumphant grin—as did the other.
They both strode forward and said, "That's me!"
They turned to face each other and gasped in shock and rage. "No, I'm Fred!" They both said.
"Stop copying me!" They said again in union.
It went on for a while. They whole Hall was in stitches—except maybe the Slytherins and some of the stiffer teachers (McGonagall included)—and watching the twins. Every house—except maybe Slytherin—hoped the twins would end up with them.
Professor Dumbledore then suggested lightly for the twins to go at the same time.
The Sorting Hat barely touched both their heads before announcing—laughter hidden in its tone, McGonagall thought suspiciously—"Gryffindor and Gryffindor for the Weasley duo!"
The Gryffindor table all cheered—except for Percy, who had his head in his hands.
As the twins sat down, Fred clapped Percy on the back.
Percy glared at them and the twins grinned broadly back.
Percy turned away from them, displaying the sign that said 'prat' to the twins, who promptly dissolved into giggles.
Fred earned a point for the sign. George for his acting.
Tied again.
Who Can Annoy Filch More? (Age Twelve)
Resulted in many, many detentions handed out by many, many different staff members.
Unwisely, all of these detentions were shared by the twins.
Fred: 266
George: 268
Who Can Embarrass Ickle Ronnykins More and become a Beater? (Age Thirteen)
Ron was properly embarrassed many times by pranks that could—mysteriously—never be traced back to the twins. But the twins didn't have to worry too much about Ron.
He did a pretty good job of embarrassing himself.
As for Beaters, both twins made the team. They had perfect aim—as Beater was probably the sneakiest position on the team—and worked well together.
Fred: 789
George: 778
Who Can Break Up Percy and Penelope First? (Age Fourteen)
Stupid Percy. What a "perfect prefect prat". Earning Prefect just swelled his head.
So the twins deflated it a little.
Pity they got two months detention—added onto what they'd earned over the year and the twins were booked solid until their sixth year.
But that "Percy does spend an awful lot of time in the library" comment by Fred was ingenious. It had caused Penelope to start doubting and become paranoid in the way only geniuses could.
The twins watched the shouting match in peace—unnoticed—from across the room.
Fred: 2, 345
George: 2, 323
Who Can Ask Angelina Johnson Out First and Get More First Years for Test Subjects? (Age Fifteen)
Fred won by taking Angelina to the Yule Ball. Never mind he did it partially to show both George and Ron up.
But George had kissed her first.
Fred had also come up with the idea of offering some of the prize money Harry had given them in exchange to try out their proto-type joke shop items.
But George got kudos for taunting the newly Prefect-ed Hermione with the experiments right in front of her.
Fred: 6, 699
George: 6, 898
Who Can Piss Umbridge off the Most? (Age Sixteen)
Through combined efforts, they'd managed to supremely help Harry in angering Umbridge.
The last trick with the fireworks was ingenious, though. Points to Fred.
Credit to George for the idea of using Accio to retrieve their brooms as another foot in the rather remarkably large butt of Umbridge.
Fred: 123, 998
George: 124, 009
Who can Loose an Appendage in the War Faster? (Age Seventeen)
Though George lost his ear, Fred dodged a killing curse that shaved off a lock of his hair moments before.
George's was more serious, but Fred's had happened first.
Fred earned two points, but George got one as consolation.
Fred: 1, 134, 546
George: 1, 134, 546
How much Time Percy—the Prat—would Take Until eventually Coming to His Senses and Apologize? (Age Eighteen)
Fred had said never but really meant that Percy, the prat, would come to his senses after Bill and Fleur announced they were expecting a baby.
George had said sometime during the War.
But since both things happened around the same time, it put the identical Weasley twins in another tie.
But they wouldn't mind.
They preferred things between them the same.
(Though it was nice that George's lack of ear made it easier to distinguish who was who—as long as George didn't cover it with hair. Then even their mother couldn't tell who was who.)
End.
End Author's Note (added June 24, 2008): Thank you all for such wonderful reviews! And for pointing out the "constellation/consolation" mistake. I apologize, as this was unbeta'd. Thanks again for reviewing, and I hoped you enjoyed reading!