Today's lesson: I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. But of course you already knew that! And you know that this silly little fic is fun and pointless right? Well if you didn't now you know.
Brotherhood School
"Okay people listen up!" Pietro walked into the living room. "As of today we are going to increase our training!"
"Considering most of our training includes us running around like a bunch of idiots that's not exactly a major announcement," Lance grumbled. "Is Magneto finally going to send someone decent to train us?"
"No," Pietro glared at him and folded his arms. "I mean the main problem we have in this group isn't that we don't know how to use our powers, we just don't know how to strategize! We need to do something to seriously increase our collective intelligence! It's brains that win the battle! Not brawn!"
"And how are you going to increase the intelligence of this group?" Wanda asked pointing around her. "Brain transplants?"
"No I am going to teach you how to be smart!" Pietro zipped out and ran back in with a professor's outfit complete with a cap and gown.
"You have got to be kidding me?" Lance raised an eyebrow.
"I've got it all set up in the basement," Pietro whipped out a bell and rang it. "It's time for the first session of Brotherhood School!"
"Yay! School!" Todd jumped up excitedly.
"All right!" Fred said happily. "This is gonna be fun!"
"What are you saying?" Lance asked. "You guys hated going to the real school! Now you're all excited about playing pretend?"
"Pretend school is more fun than real school," Todd said.
"It's not pretend school!" Pietro snapped. "I'm actually gonna teach a class!"
"Yeah right Pietro," Wanda snorted. "Very funny."
"I'm serious," Pietro said.
"That's what's so funny," Wanda smirked.
"Look just come down to the basement for class huh?" Pietro ordered.
"Should we?" Wanda looked at Lance.
"Might as well," Lance sighed as he got up and followed the others downstairs. "Nothing else to do around here."
Pietro had set up several desks and chairs as well as a large desk and a chalkboard. "Where'd you get all this stuff?" Fred asked.
"I stole it last night from the high school, duh," Pietro told him. "Now everybody take your seats! Class is about to begin!"
"Okay Pietro," Lance sat back in his seat and folded his arms. "I gotta know, what could you possibly teach us?"
"Besides how to be a lying cowardly weasel?" Wanda added.
"Good one Wanda!" Fred laughed as Pietro fumed.
"How about the theory of Relativity?" Lance contributed. "He could teach us all on how being related to a big mutant hotshot can make your life easier!"
"Oooh! Oooh!" Todd raised his hand. "I know! He could teach us all how to make time with the babes yo! How to be a player! I know Lance could certainly learn a thing or two!"
"Shut up Toad!" Lance snapped. "You just want to find some more ways to annoy Wanda! Yeah like Pietro's actually gonna teach you how to put the moves on his sister!"
"Yeah well at least I got some taste in women," Todd snapped. "Unlike some people I know who keep making a fool outta themselves over an X-Geek!"
"Quit it!" Lance hissed. "I'm warning you!"
"Oh my life is so miserable because Kitty the Queen of the Valley Girl Rejects don't love me no more," Todd mocked, putting the back of his wrist to his forehead in dramatic fashion. "Whatever shall I do? My life is so meaningless! Bleach!"
"You want your teeth knocked out, Frog Face?" Lance shouted as he made a fist.
"Knock it off!" Pietro thwacked a ruler on Lance's desk. "The both of you!"
"Yeah save the fight for after class!" Fred told them. "Although for the record Toad I agree with you. Wanda is cooler than Kitty."
"Oh brother," Wanda groaned.
"Lance I hate to admit it but Toad does have a point," Pietro sighed. "Not that I'm crazy about the situation or anything but you gotta admit when it comes to picking girls he is a bit smarter than you in that department!"
"Am I ever going to be allowed to forget Kitty?" Lance asked. "Just curious."
"Nope," Pietro shook his head.
"Figures," Lance grumbled.
"So what are you going to teach us?" Wanda asked.
"Yes what could the great Pietro Maximoff possibly teach us?" Lance said sarcastically.
"Since I don't have fifty hours to spare in order to explain that, I'll just go right ahead and distribute the textbooks," Pietro zipped around with some books.
"The Action Hero's Handbook?" Lance looked at the title. "Oh man not this again! I'm telling you right now Pietro, you are not stealing my jeep again!"
"Actually I thought we'd start with something more basic," Pietro grinned. "I want you all to read through this book and do a report on a topic you like."
"You gotta be kidding?" Lance groaned.
"No problem!" Todd piped up as he flipped through it. "I wanna do this chapter on Love Skills!"
"Oh god…." Wanda groaned.
"Hmmm, pickup lines you should never use," Todd read. "Hmm. That's good to know. I almost used that one."
"Somebody shoot me," Wanda muttered. "On second thought…shoot him! No wait, shoot Pietro first, then Toad!"
"Hey this shows how to check if a person's dead or not!" Fred pointed to a chapter.
"We could use my brother as a visual aide," Wanda grinned.
"You know this might be fun after all," Lance snickered.
"On second thought Lance maybe you have a point," Pietro gulped. "This really was a stupid idea."
"No, no…" Lance smiled. "We really do need to learn to smarten ourselves up."
"Hey this shows you how to do the Vulcan Neck Pinch!" Todd pointed. "That'll be perfect! We just sneak up behind the X-Geeks and thwack! Got 'em!"
"Toad the Vulcan Neck Pinch does not work," Lance rolled his eyes.
"Does too!" Todd said.
"Does not!" Lance snapped.
"Does too!" Todd tried to apply it to Lance.
Lance looked at him with a bored expression. "As I was saying it does not work."
"Maybe you're just doing it wrong," Fred suggested to Todd.
"Why don't you try the Jedi Mind Trick while you're at it?" Lance asked sarcastically. "Oh wait none of you have any minds. There's no one to try it out on."
"You are doing it wrong," Wanda said. "You've got your hand much too high. It's supposed to be where the shoulder meets the neck, like this!" She proceeded to pinch Lance.
"For the last time the Vulcan Neck Pinch does not really…" Lance started to say. Then he fell unconscious.
"Great job Wanda!" Todd said happily. Then he grinned at the unconscious Lance "Told ya it works!"
"Now let's try it on Pietro!" Fred said happily.
"Yeah!" Todd grinned.
"I'm game!" Wanda grinned. "I'm ready to do my report now Teach!"
"CLASS DISMISSED!" Pietro screamed and ran away at full speed.
"Let's get him!" Wanda ran after him.
"Oh I gotta see this!" Fred laughed and started to follow her. "You coming Toad?"
"In a minute," Todd told him. He took out some elastics and started to put Lance's hair in pigtails. "I just wanna play with Lance here a little."
"Suit yourself," Fred shrugged.
"YEOW! WANDAAAAAAAA!" Pietro yelled from upstairs.
"Hey let's bring him upstairs and we can all play with the both of them!" Fred suggested as he picked Lance up.
"Great idea!" Todd hopped ahead of him. "I'll get the whipped cream and makeup!"