Engaged

Present Day -

The clouds gathered right on time in the autumn-lit sky and lightning flashed in all windows of the house, clattering glasses together with each crack of thunder. Before, the day had been cast in a dome of plasma blue, but as it came to a close, clouds appeared. Rain poured through the December skylight, pattering on the roof so loud the creaky house shook like a tent in a hurricane. The sound bounced from wall to wall and echoed the night skies' anger. The dining room was dimly lit by fading electricity. It was the only room in the house to flood with light.

Chloe and Beca both stood on the outside of the dining room door frame and down the hall. The radiance leaked just close enough to reach their faces while lightning brightened the living room on the other end. Beca was standing two feet from her fiancee, scratching at her hands with short nails, knowing what she wanted to say, but having no ability to force it from her already dry throat. Chloe saw concern in the piercing lake eyes before her. She wanted to ask why they were standing in the hall, unmoved, but the wider the pit in her stomach grew, the less she wanted to speak up.

"I love you." Beca inquired for a response, tears not yet breaking the surface of pale skin.

Her voice left Chloe's stomach turning upside down with a false sense of hope. The feeling was impassioned, cracked with the contradiction of affection and self loathing. Chloe's glassy eyes finally looked up from the blurry floor and met the other pair. It was a stare that held hands with despondency and distance, yet battled with the familiar feeling they once called home. Chloe gripped the hall table ends with her nails sliding on the oak wood. She winced at the old groves, splintering their way into her palm. "I-I love you too.. Is everything okay?" Chloe felt her hip carve into the end table.

Beca twisted the ring on her finger and Chloe's breath staggered. She studied the look on her Fiancee's face and felt her lungs collapse. Chloe sighed and her gut exploded in her body just staring at the uncertainty in Beca's eyes. Every hair on her body stood up and every inch of her skin began to tremble.

"Of course." Beca's voice was brittle, words failing her once again. One hand grasped the hem of Chloe's shirt, with tears sliding down her freckled cheek. Her fractured, coffee eyes drifted down her girlfriend's body and fell to the creaking hardwood floor under their bare feet. She shook her head and fastened her eyes shut, as her ginger bun came undone. Her grip loosened and she let go.

Six Months Prior -

Ginger bangs fastened to Chloe's forehead and her ponytail infused with the rainfall. Beca ran steps in front of her girlfriend, splashing the flooded water on the ends of Chloe's jeans. The couple stumbled their way through the parking lot in sweatshirts and swept up feelings. Their smiles were crystalline festivals of bliss, yearning to be only in that moment. Dashing to the air conditioned movie theater and shivering in dampened clothes - it was all Chloe ever wanted.

The two slowed at the entrance to the theater, feeling the frigid air seeping out the doorways. They paused to catch their breath. Beca drew her hood down, revealing her already rouge face. Chloe grinned between deep breaths and they laughed at their own antics. It was in those moments that Chloe knew she had more than a girlfriend but the best friend she could ever wish for. Someone who was everything she'd ever looked for. Beca eagerly smiled at Chloe, admiring how beautiful her girlfriend was no matter what she wore. Chloe gave Beca a dorky smirk and Beca filled with butterflies. The day was perfect.

Chloe fiddled her hands in her hooded pocket, but her eyes turned from spooked to terror in a whiplash. She checked all of her pockets twice, then triple checked them. Beca looked at her girlfriend, bewildered by Chloe's actions. Chloe turned abruptly back toward the car and shuffled her way in the rain, staring at the concrete as she went. Beca followed her, "Babe, What're you doing?"

"I dropped something." Chloe mumbled, staring into puddles and making her way closer to their car.

Beca walked behind Chloe with her hood up, checking the spaces Chloe had just checked herself. "What is it? Did you leave it in the car?"

"No." The panic on Chloe's face grew rapidly.

"What am I looking for?" Beca yelled over a crack of thunder. Chloe didn't answer, but continued to retrace her steps. They made it all the way back to the car before Beca lifted Chloe's chin and repeated her question, "What am I looking for?"

Chloe looked back down, against Beca's grip and sure enough, a felt covered ring box was between their feet and right next to the car door. Chloe eyes glinted and she dove down, right into a puddle, to retrieve the item. Beca watched her girlfriend, soaked in a summer rain shower, her eyebrows suddenly rising to the event at hand. Chloe was barely on one knee, one leg submerged in water, holding as high as she could, a ring box dripping from its felt like a wet dog. Chloe glistened an endearing smile through thin lips once more, as water slipped down her face. She opened up the box with her top hand, revealing a beautiful engagement ring - a cushion cut diamond surrounded by sparkling blue stones. "I wanted to make it perfect, I mean - uhm. I've kind of just - had it for weeks, waiting for the time to ask.." Her hands were shaking, her voice stuttered. She swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled at Beca. "Will you marry me?"

Beca put her hands over her mouth like the cliche she always said she would never be, with tears streaming down her face that only she knew were there. At first she stood there, frozen in time with the girl of her dreams waiting on a response. The caption was picture perfect, but Beca's heart was standstill. She shook her head yes, wishing the fear in her stomach wasn't there. Chloe stood with the biggest smile in her eyes and slipped the ring on her now fiancee's finger, then pulled her into the happiest and the biggest, sopping wet kiss of all time.

Present Day -

Chloe disappeared into the shadows of the staircase, which in the night looked like the darkness engulfed her. She went up, but not to anywhere exact - just up. Beca watched her go until she couldn't see her fiancee anymore and then she watched some more, leaning on the living room wall with tears in her eyes. She tried to think about how much of a fuss they used to make if the other tried to go to bed alone. Then she realized she couldn't remember the last time they slept in the same bed. She stared at the ring on her finger for hours now, remembering how happy they made each other once.

She wondered how she could mess up the best thing that ever happened to her and rubbed her puffy eyes once more to remove the tears. Around the room, picture frames surrounded her with happy memories and she gripped the ends of her tee shirt as she claustrophobia washed over. No matter where she looked she fond reminders of what once was and the most joyful moments made her choke up. She covered her mouth and her body convulsed as she burst into tears again, slipping down the wall and hiding in her own shell. She hated crying. But even more, she hated seeing Chloe's eyes break under the surface. She felt like she couldn't breath.

Chloe got to the top of the steps and took a deep breath of fear, which settled her huffing lungs. She turned to the spare bedroom and gently rested her hand on the knob, but stared into the room behind her back - the room they used to call theirs. The one Beca now slept in alone. She couldn't remember the last time she got to hold her fiancee. Feeling the tears boil to the surface, Chloe entered the spare bedroom and closed the door, sinking to the floor against it. Tears streamed down her face and she buried her head into her sleeve. She hated feeling so broken. It was the worst emotion she had ever experienced. She was losing her best friend and the love her life all in one go. How could everything change like this?

Five Months Prior -

The girls sat at a booth with three cake samples in front of them, on the day after their engagement party. Both were dressed in the clothes they'd woken up in, sweatpants and oversized tee shirts. Beca's chocolate brown strands were tied in a messy bun and Chloe's shorter hair was pulled back by her sunglasses. They had to have been at the bakery for a half hour and they'd already tried a million different cakes to find the right one. They had even considered going to a different bakery, but the manager insisted on a lower price if they found one they liked.

"What about this one?" Beca fed Chloe a piece of chocolate cake with vanilla icing, who made a strange thinking face as she swallowed.

"Hm, I don't know, babe." Chloe took the fork from Beca's hand and picked up another piece of it. "I think I need to see what it looks like.." Before Beca could asked what Chloe meant, Chloe wiped the cake all over Beca's nose.

Beca rolled her eyes, smiled at her soon to be wife, and cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, it's on." Beca picked up a full piece of cake from another plate and smashed it in her fiancee's face. Chloe smiled and pulled Beca in for a kiss. Beca tried to push her away but eventually the two were covered in different kinds of cake, all at the same time entangled in one another.

"Did you find one you both like?" The bakery's manager dulled their moods with his snicker, as he stood a careful distance away from the mess.

Chloe looked over at her fiancee, wiped icing out off her cheek, and laughed. "I think we both like this one."

"Should I mark it down then?" The girls could tell he was bothered by their lengthened presence.

Beca got out of their booth and pulled Chloe up behind her. "I actually think we'll come back again. We haven't even picked a day yet."

Chloe's eyes pondered the floor, her smile slowly undoing itself.

Present Day -

Chloe tossed and turned on the spare bed, watching Beca's shadow pass back and forth over the flooding light under the door. She wondered what Beca was up to on the other side, but ultimately rathered not find out. If it meant starting another fight, Chloe would avoid it. Instead, she watched the door with haunted eyes bruised by sleeplessness and wonder.

Three Months Prior

In the calm of night, the house was all but still. From down the street, neighbors could hear the fight. They'd been going at it for hours, nonstop, slamming doors and reopening them to keep the fight going. Neither side would let it go or swallow their pride. "Seriously, why can't we get through one night without fighting?" Chloe threw her hands down then pulled them up to rub her eyes. It was getting late.

Beca sat at the dining room table, pulling her hands through her hair, feeling a migraine set in. "I don't know, Chloe." She rubbed her temples to settle the pain. "Maybe because you can't let it go?" Beca's voice strained and hands distanced farther from each other with every accusation. She didn't actually mean that.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Chloe gave her the look that always meant trouble. Beca could see it from across the room and out of the corner of her eye. It was the look that Chloe had only given her a handful of times in their life together, but one she'd gotten more since they started fighting. "Just because I want to talk?"

"Are you really serious right now? When do we ever talk Chloe? We fight, constantly! Don't you ever get sick of it? You come home, we fight. I come home, we fight. Can't we have one night that I come home and relax after work?" Beca's tongue was far from saving face after months of hiding her feelings. She was tired of the fights and tired of getting nowhere. She took a deep sigh of frustration and poured herself a glass of Absolut. "You know what, maybe I should just go."

"Oh, there it is. Leave like you always do, right?" Chloe earned herself the death glare.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Beca's eyes tore a hole in Chloe's soul.

Chloe let out a breath that reminded her not to say things she didn't mean. "It means," Chloe's eyes fixated on Beca's as if she didn't notice her girlfriend's glare. She took a deep breath. "It means I'm tired of fighting too. Can you just - talk to me?" Chloe was practically begging the fights to stop.

Beca leaned her chair back, stared at the ceiling, and mockingly smiled. "Talk to you? About what Chloe? I thought I WAS talking to you."

"Just tell me what's really going on, Beca." Chloe approached her fiancee with concern written across her face.

Beca took a sip of her drink and winced at the burn in her throat. Chloe shook her head and scoffed, staring at Beca. She couldn't stand watching Beca act like she didn't care.

"Go ahead Chloe. Tell me. Tell me what the hell the REAL problem is, Chloe."

"Do you even really care?" Chloe bit her nails, anticipating what deep down she wasn't ready to say.

"Of course I fucking care." Beca scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me? After everything? I'm the one who doesn't fucking care? Go ahead Chloe! Just fucking say it! Stop fucking around with me and just -" Beca stood up and her chair fell to the ground, putting two dents in the mahogany wood.

Chloe's voice finally howled over Beca's bickering. "You don't want to get married!" She screamed. Her breath staggered. "Or you're fucking scared, as always." She mumbled afterward.

Beca finally shut her trap, speechless.

There was no going back.

Chloe looked her fiancee in the eye, her fear finally becoming true. She rolled her eyes, feeling the tears boil over the surface. Her voice cracked and she was practically whispering. She tried to stay strong. "Stop making up fucking excuses and just tell me the damn truth for once. You don't want to marry me. You're too fucking scared of commitment and you're looking for an excuse to leave." Her voice rose to the height of the situation. "If you're looking for your out, then here it is Beca. I'm sick of not deciding on a wedding date. I'm sick of pushing everything back because you can't tell me the truth. If you want out, Just leave!"

That would be the only night Beca didn't leave after they fought.

One Month Prior -

Chloe pulled her car in the driveway, headlights flashing in the garage. She looked up to their room and saw the light was on. Chloe sighed and looked down at the clock on her dashboard. It was past one in the morning. Chloe shook her head and put the car in reverse, backing out of the driveway.

One Night Prior -

"You're home really late." Beca's voice was distinct, soft, casual, unsure. Her words were at the same time a bold center between assertive and timid - conscientious. A somehow overly casual greeting considering the amount of damage unsaid words had already caused their relationship. All at once ecstasy and elation set in beneath Chloe's skin, but similarly it boiled with pain and torment. "Have you been drinking?"

Chloe hated that Beca acted like nothing was going on. "Does it matter?" Chloe shuffled her messenger bag to the floor and beelined for the stairs.

"Yes? You didn't even bother to tell me where you were. We have to talk about this." Beca's words slid off her tongue like she had any control of the situation at large.

"Oh, now you want to talk? When I drink you're ready to talk?" Chloe's words slurred, but she got her point across.

Beca folded her hands. "Are you kidding? If you were ever home at night you'd know I want to talk! Then again if you were ever sober!" Beca's arms were folded, her eyes were red with tears.

Chloe stared at Beca with her nostrils flared and her fists clenched. "How many times have I asked you to talk to me?" Chloe threw her arms out. She always talked with her hands when she was mad. "Tell me what's going on! Don't shut down on me! And what did you do? You left me out! I stopped asking because you shut me out Beca. You can't blame this on me." Chloe stormed up the stairs as fast as she could without tripping over her own stumbling feet.

Present Day -

Beca crumbled another piece of paper on the coffee table and threw it into a small pile in the trash can. She shook her head and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. It was passed three o'clock in the morning and she was still dressed for the previous day's work. Her eyes were full of tears. Her hair was tied into a messy bun that had practically come out. She was a disaster.

Without another word she grabbed the suitcase she packed an hour prior and crept through the door, careful not to make a sound. She took one last look at the darkness in the window of the spare bedroom. Somewhere deep inside she wanted Chloe to hear her leaving and try to chase after, but even deeper she knew that life wasn't a movie. Without another word she pushed the suitcase in the back seat and started the car, driving off to a destination she didn't even know.