Every group, be it a fraternity, sorority, club, association, loosely defined society, or plain old cluster of people, has its own requirements for membership. Some are not obvious; a candidate must only be interested in a certain thing. Others are the most harrowing experiences that the candidate will have faced in his or her life until that moment. That is the tradition of many units of men in the Amestrisian Army. They would never endanger a man's life, but they would certainly make him think he was about to die.
The women only subconsciously require that any woman joining their ranks not tarnish their reputation. Most are mature enough not to be concerned with juvenile rites of passage. This is not the case with the men.
The men's rites of passages change due to the circumstances of their base. At one time there was no one base that was known for the most terrifying rite. These days, there is no fixed base to be feared, but fixed is the operative word there. The consensus is that the rite of passage used in whichever base the famed Flame Alchemist, Colonel Roy Mustang is working is the one to avoid for first assignments.
Civilians and the newest of soldiers might think that this was because the Colonel has an explosive temper or something of the sort. They would be surprised and horrified to find that that was only part of the terror in store for the unfortunate young man beginning his service in the army on the Colonel's assigned base.
This is the story of one of those unfortunates. His name is Robert Thompson. He is still stationed at the same base, and takes the same guilty pleasure as the other men at inducting the new recruits. He also takes special care to avoid the Colonel's unit's office.
The older men in Robert's unit brought him to one of the popular bars near Headquarters on his first Friday. They were met there by three men from the famous Colonel's unit.
The youngest one greeted him warmly, if with a trace of sympathy, before going back to nervously watching the door. He had obviously taken it upon himself to make sure the wrong people didn't walk in on the discussions that evening.
His companions sat at the bar, the shorter one grinning evilly from under his red hair. The other one lit a cigarette as he greeted the newcomers.
"So Paulsen, this the new kid?" He spoke around the cigarette, jerking his head in Robert's direction.
"Yeah." Robert's Second Lieutenant had started his service on a base Mustang had been stationed at just after the establishment of the current rite. "Falman decide not to get involved again?"
"Nah, he's too smart. You know what'll happen if she finds out." The veterans around Robert shivered at the prospect. "So, Thompson. I'm Havoc, this is Breda, and our twitchy friend over there is Furey." He introduced them quickly before addressing the nervous Furey. "Furey, calm down. She's not going to show up. You'll have to excuse him, he almost passed out trying to do this."
"I'm sorry sir, what is 'this'? Paulsen told me there was a sort of task that all of the men did, but he didn't tell me what it was." The young man was beginning to get irritated. That's when Breda came into the conversation.
"You've had a week here. Had enough time to check out our limited supply of women in the building?" Thompson raised an eyebrow at the seemingly off-topic question.
"Yes, I think so."
"Good. Then here's the task:" Breda jerked a thumb to Havoc, who took the honor of issuing the challenge to the young man.
"Do you know Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, soldier?" He asked, the utmost seriousness in his tone and demeanor.
"That blonde Lieutenant of the Colonel's? Yeah. I know her." Thompson couldn't see exactly where this was headed, but if involved the Lieutenant it couldn't be that bad. It might actually be fun. Or so he thought.
"Your task is to take Hawkeye out on a date. You must have asked by next Friday." Havoc pronounced. The atmosphere around them was reminiscent of the atmosphere when a death sentence was issued. Except for the knowing grins flitting between the veterans.
"That's all? No problem, I'll ask her out Monday morning." Thompson replied, with all confidence and arrogance. Downing the last bit of his drink, he strode out of the bar.
"Another on for the 'Ice Queen's Gauntlet', Havoc?" The bartender leaned over to consult with the Second Lieutenant.
"Yeah, and with that attitude, he'll wind up going through 'Trial by Fire' too." The other men nodded, finished their drinks, and strolled off into the night, eagerly waiting for the next Monday.
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Monday morning found Riza Hawkeye sorting through documents behind the Colonel's desk. The men were already working diligently and the Colonel was late. The only part of that that was suspicious to Riza was the men's work. Something was going on.
"Something" walked through the door as Riza finished sorting the papers and turned to the window as she rose from the Colonel's seat. The men that had been working so diligently quickly ran out of the room to watch from the hall or hid under desks to observe. Thompson made it to the center of the room before Riza saw fit to turn to face him.
"May I help you?" She asked blandly, waiting for a salute.
"Well, you see, last week I was walking by and I noticed you. I asked around, and all of the guys said you were single." He explained casually, wearing what he clearly believed to be a winning smile as he came around the desk. "And I was wondering if you might-" Riza had had enough of his arrogance.
"Sergeant Major, I think you are forgetting your place. You need to go back around the desk and salute. Then you may address any official business you might have or leave." She barked at him, causing him to recoil slightly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I come on too strong? It's just that you caught my eye and I thought I had to act before someone else did." The young man simpered, trying to charm his way into her good graces.
Outside the door, Havoc and Furey stifled their laughter at the Sergeant Major's hapless attempts. They were surprised when they heard a familiar whisper from right behind them.
"Well, this one has some nerve. He's not taking no for an answer." Their Colonel growled quietly. He'd arrived just after the other two had scrambled out of the room. The first few seconds had been as amusing as they normally were, but this guy was quickly joining the ranks of the men he could not stand. "She doesn't need my help to get rid of him, but she's going to get it." With that, the once amused Colonel slipped quietly into the room, ready to help make an impression on this jerk, should he get too irritating.
"Do you have any official business, soldier?" Riza asked her visitor sharply, brushing the hand he was extending toward her away.
"No, but I really don't believe you don't want to go on a date with me." He smiled again. Riza was growing very tired of this. In response, the sniper reached to her hip and pulled out one of her guns.
"Really?" She asked, making a great show of inspecting the gun in the space he had left between them.
"Yeah, just like I don't believe you'll shoot at me." He advanced another step and Riza aimed her gun just above his head. Thompson's eyes grew wide and he leapt away from the irate young woman. Unfortunately for him he bumped into another irate officer when he backed up. He had not seen the Colonel enter the room and stand behind him.
"Hello, Hawkeye." The Colonel spoke levelly over Thompson's head, but Thompson almost flew away from the Colonel and to the other side of the desk despite his apparent calm. He hastily snapped a salute to the Colonel.
"Sergeant Major Thompson, sir. It is an honor to meet you. I was just speaking to Lieutenant Hawkeye while I was waiting for y…" The lower officer trailed off at the glare he was receiving.
"Sergeant Major, I have no doubt that Hawkeye could have sent you running away with your tail between your legs, but I think I can make both of our points perfectly clear right now." Thompson gulped audibly. He had no doubt that the Lieutenant could have sent him running either, and he didn't think that the Colonel would prove to be any different. He was right.
"I make a point of telling everyone who considers harassing my officers to avoid doing so. Each of them is formidable enough on his or her own and they will all come to each other's aid. That includes me. And you will find that I am rather formidable too." With this eloquent warning, Mustang snapped. The flames flew until Thompson could feel the heat on his paralyzed face. He was certain that he had narrowly avoided death a moment before only to be burned to a crisp then. The flames dissipated just before him.
"Understood, sir." The young man threw a hasty salute to both officers before running out of the room, almost bumping into his audience. Their laughter followed him down the hall. Roy was snickering quietly too, but Riza wasn't laughing.
"That is enough." She strode over to the door and began speaking directly to the small crowd outside the door. "Havoc, Furey, get back in here. Tell Breda and Falman to come out of hiding too. The rest of you, get back to your offices before I report you to your superiors." The threat was for the most part hollow. She would have had to report a number of the superior officers themselves. When she was certain that the crowd had dispersed, she turned back into the room, where Roy was giving the normal lecture. He seemed ready to go on and on. Thompson had really irritated him, but he'd laugh next time it happened too.
"Thank you, Colonel. We have a lot of work to do today, so you should all get started now if you want to get home at a decent hour." They all hurried to work. That was the safest thing to do when Hawkeye was that mad.
That evening, the men hurried out as soon as they had finished their work. They would much rather be sitting at the bar telling the bartender stories of the latest "Gauntlet" and "Trial" than sit in the same room as a still irritated Hawkeye. Roy was soon the only one left, acutely aware that skipping out on the last bit of his paperwork would be tantamount to something close to suicide. At long last he finished. Showing an unusual amount of courtesy, he walked over to where the Lieutenant sat, reading at her desk.
"Are you almost done, Hawkeye?" He asked, shrugging on his coat.
"I've been done for an hour sir, I was just waiting to make sure you finished." She smiled as she stood up, slipping the book into her bag. "I'll lock up." She assured him as she began packing up everything she would need to bring home. Roy shook his head at her before walking to the door. He stopped in the doorway when he heard her call again. "Sir, thank you for helping this morning." She was in the middle of the room, pulling on her coat when he looked back.
"My pleasure." He replied as Riza walked out the door and locked it behind her. "What kind of Fuhrer would I make if I didn't watch out for my advisor?" Riza would normally have warned him not to say anything foolish, but it was late enough and his sentiment was kind enough that she found that she truly didn't care as they walked out of the building.
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Yay! That whole scenario just popped into my head the other day. It was a really hard oneshot to end though. The natural end is as Thomson runs out of the room, but that didn't work. Oh well, not my best writing, but I like it anyway!