A/N: This is Part II in the series. Written for toobeauty.
When the world was created – full of magnificent mountains, babbling brooks, breathtaking sunrises and sunsets – the last thing that was created was grape vines. At least Hephaestion felt it had to have been that way. With all those miracles in a row, one mistake would hardly be noticed.
Today Hephaestion noticed.
Boy, did he notice.
Those crappy little grape vines, if ripened and squeezed, could produce a drink straight from Hades. Oh, how he wishes he had one of those vines in his shaky little hands right now. He wondered how long it would take to hang oneself with them. Fixing a plan in his head on how to accomplish this deed, it suddenly occurred to him that to be able to do this, he would need a stool of some kind.
Stool ... by the Gods.
Now some drinkers are lucky enough to not have memories of previous binges and misadventures that may have happened under the influnence of the above mentioned wine. Unfortunately, Hephaestion was not one of them.
Stool ... ugh.
Where had it all gone wrong? He was in complete control over the situation until...
... well, maybe he hadn't been in control. And where in Hades was Alexander through all of the evening's adventures? Ah, yes, now he remembered: Alexander was laughing and enjoying the show Hephaestion gave, along with everyone else. But Alexander did come to the rescue, after all, so maybe I will let him live!
Stool ... that horrible stool.
Someone had to have put it there on purpose just to get in his way. His goal today was to find that person and give them a piece of his mind – quietly, but firmly.
Hephaestion also decided, on this thought-provoking morning, that the human head had no right to hurt as much as his did today. Not wanting to be alone in its misery, it also invited his stomach to the party his body seemed to be having. Something had to give soon and he hoped that everyone at the party hadn't decided to leave at the same time.
Stool ... wonder if I took it out and burned it if Alexander would notice?
Well, what happened is done and there is no way to undo it now. He couldn't magically erase the night from all the Generals' minds either. Might as well face the fact that he was going to be teased endlessly, made fun of for many days to come and be reminded of it all, over and over again. They had better watch out though – after all, he was the one who ordered the food for their bellies and he could make life miserable for them too. So there!
Now all he had to do is pick himself up off of the floor, put on his clothes, straighten his shoulders (as much as his aching tummy would allow), hold his head high (not as fast as that, though), and go get it over with.
If he could make it through lunch... oh, my... then he could make it through anything.
I'll be fine, how bad can it be? They will get tired after awhile, even Cleitus has to...
With that last thought, the party in Hephaestion's body came to a screeching halt and everyone decided to all depart together.