Warnings - Wincest (subtle but there)
Pairings - Dean/Sam
Rating - MA (just in case)
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Thanks to BlazeorFade for being the beta for this. All mistakes are mine...
I do not own the boys they belong to the CW.
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In Quiet Times
I lay here some nights wondering how I could let this happen. Yes I've always wanted it but damn if I ever would've said anything much less acted on it.
It was never suppose to go any further than my own warped thoughts, my deepest most private dreams. A desire to be taken out and examined when
noone else could see. I've always been judge, jury and executioner to my wants and desires. Its the only way I've survived this long. Better to kill it yourself than
have someone else do it for you less pain that way.
Sometimes laying here, watching Sam sleep, I can't breath afraid that if I blink it will all be taken away from me or worse yet be a dream and I never
had it in the first place. Sam says that we deserve to be happy, that we have been through all the fucked up shit in the universe and this is our reward. I tell him
that sentencing your brother to the pits of hell isn't a reward. He just laughs and tells me he was headed that way long before this. I know I was, but Sam, I'm not too sure about.
We don't even bother with the two queens anymore, its just us now. Dad won't be showing up unexpectedly and noone knows us. So why go to the trouble?
Sam's idea, he tells me he loves me and he's not ashamed of being with me, so who gives a shit what some hole in the wall motel owner thinks? He knows I never really gave
a fuck in the first place about what anyone else thinks but I always leave it up to him how things play out. I don't tell him enough that I love him, not that he complains. When I do finally
break and let it out, he just gives me that Sammy smile and says "I know, I love you too". For all my cocky bullshit he's always been more confident in this area than me. Course, just look
at my track record; one night stands and a relationship that lasted all of a month and the girl telling me to get out cause she wasn't going to listen to my lying shit anymore.
Sam told me after that first time, that he knew I thought he was going to leave again. He swears he never will, that not even death will separate us. I wish I could
believe him, but I know if I let that sink into my head and my heart that when he walks next time it will break me. Hell, I'm pretty damn sure it will anyway. He's starting to wake up
now, then his brain will take over and it'll be what's wrong... are you okay... is something to matter? Sam thinks if he studies a problem long enough he can come up with the answer, but you
can't put a puzzle together that has missing pieces and expect to come up with a whole picture.
I wrap my arms around him and tell him to go to sleep, everything is fine. Maybe if I say it enough, I'll believe it too. I won't survive losing Sam, it's something I've known
since I was four.
" I love you Sammy." Whispers into the dark.
" I love you too Dean." Whispers back.