Surprise!
Rated: PG
Category: Mal/Kaylee Friendship, Crew, Humor, General.
Spoilers: BDM.
Summary: I was bothered by the Serenity's BDM insignia. Didn't make sense to me that illegal types would do that. This little story attempts to explain how that might have come about.
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They'd found out from Zoe.
She was usually tight-lipped about the captain, but every now and then things slipped out.
A few bottles of rice wine, easy camaraderie, and a late night while Mal and Jayne were off bartering for supplies left everyone in possession of knowledge they'd never have gleaned elsewhere.
It was filed away and mostly forgotten by the time it was needed, but a certain mechanic had written it down just in case she forgot.
Not like she would.
Kaylee loved her captain, and she loved any reason to celebrate, so she was as likely to forget his birthday as he was to forget his gun as he dressed every morning.
Kaylee'd been on the ship long enough to know that Mal didn't really care much for parties and holidays, especially any involving himself, but she really didn't care this time. Serenity hadn't seen a decent job in near a month, and folks were getting tetchy.
She'd come up with her idea long ago, and she'd saved enough to get what she needed to pull it off, but she needed help. Everyone would have to be involved, but none more so that the ship's resident companion. If Kaylee couldn't get Inara in on the act, it was doomed to failure before it began.
XXX
Inara answered the gentle chime at her door politely.
"Come in."
The doors to her shuttle opened to reveal a grimy-faced Kaylee, and Inara smiled. She ushered the younger girl inside and greeted her with open arms.
"Hey, you. What brings you here today?"
Kaylee swallowed nervously and wrung her fingers, instantly putting Inara on guard.
"What's wrong, Kaylee?"
Kaylee took a deep breath and swallowed again. "Well, see, Nara… I need a favor."
Inara smiled, relieved that this didn't sound too serious. "Name it."
"I wanna paint Serenity."
Inara stared at Kaylee as if the girl had lost her mind. The matter of fact way that the mechanic had stated her request didn't at all jive with the request itself. Asking to do anything to Mal's beloved Serenity was like asking to turn black white and the rim into civilization. Inara was blown away by Kaylee's presumption that such a thing even be contemplated, so she said nothing in response.
Kaylee wrung her hands more and tried again.
"Not all of her, see. Just a little bit. Thought it'd be a nice birthday gift for the Cap'n."
"Kaylee, you know he won't like us even knowing his birthday, much less using it as a reason to celebrate."
"I know, Nara, but… we have to do something for 'im. And I think it'll look real nice."
Inara sighed, knowing that there was no arguing with Kaylee once she'd made up her mind about something. She could at least here the girl out. "Alright. What do you have in mind?"
Kaylee beamed at Inara and rummaged around in her jumpsuit for a moment before pulling out a folded piece of paper. She spread the paper out on Inara's tea table and looked at the companion expectantly.
"Well, what do you think?"
Inara was puzzled. She was looking at a beautiful Chinese character design, filled with reds and yellows, with an overlapping text of the word 'Serenity' across it. It was gorgeous, but Inara didn't know exactly what Kaylee had in mind for it.
"It's beautiful, Kaylee. What's it for?"
"The ship."
Kaylee bounced and nodded as she answered. She was so full of glee that Inara almost didn't want to spoil her fun by asking more, but she had to.
"Where on the ship, Kaylee?"
"The hull, silly. You know, like those ancient ocean ships. Had their names right on the ship. Real pretty like."
Inara pressed her lips together. "I don't know that that's such a good idea, Kaylee."
Kaylee waved one hand in a dismissive gesture. "Oh, don't you worry none about us staying under the Alliance radar and all that. Got that part all figured out."
Inara raised her eyebrows in silent question.
Kaylee giggled. "Took all my savings to get it, but I figure it's best to live day to day out here in the black anyway. Never know what's gonna happen next."
"And?" prompted Inara.
"Special paint. Real shiny. Put a current to it and it matches whatever's underneath it."
"So, this could disappear at any time?"
Kaylee nodded, the picture of pride.
Inara gave the mechanic an impressed look. "This just might work."
"Yep, that's what I figured, too. It's a nice thing to do for the Cap'n, cuz you know he loves this ship more'n anything else in the 'verse, and if we play it right it makes us look like two different ships, and you never know when that might come in right handy."
"Ok, I'm interested," Inara admitted. After all, she was leaving the ship soon anyway. If this little adventure turned into a nightmare, she wouldn't be around to deal with the consequences, anyway. "What do you need from me?"
"I can't paint, least not somethin' like this."
Inara chewed on her upper lip for a moment. "Ah."
"You're the only one on board who can, Nara."
"So you want me to actually do the deed?"
Kaylee nodded, a bit anxiously.
Inara was silent for a long minute, then an wicked grin slid over her face and her eyes narrowed. Oh, she'd do it. If only to see Malcolm Reynold's face when he saw what she'd done. She thought of every time he'd barged into her shuttle unannounced or done a myriad of other things just to annoy her, and her grin grew.
"I'm in."
XXX
Two days later, Malcolm Reynolds was drunk, and not just a little.
He was at least two sheets to the wind and loving every bit of it. Jayne, Wash, and Zoe were with him, and while they really had no right to be celebrating, they were at it just the same. If Mal had thought about it, he might have made the connection between his crew's insistence on a few drinks in some backwater moon bar and the date, but as it was he was in no shape for thinking. He was as tetchy as everyone else on his boat and when Zoe had suggested a little time dirtside, he hadn't complained one bit.
Another round of drinks was served, and Mal raised a toast. "To Serenity!"
His friends mirrored his move and downed their drinks. All in all, it was a lovely night.
But back on the ship, things were not so merry. They were busy.
Simon monitored the gang lines on a makeshift scaffolding to make sure it didn't slip or fall as Book kept watch for the return of the crew. River wandered around aimlessly and smiled a lot. Kaylee and Inara sat upon Simon's scaffold and drew and painted. As Kaylee traced the large outline of her design onto Serenity's hull, Inara came behind her and added red, yellow, orange, brown, and white paint where needed to create the final image.
"I can't believe you got them all to go along with this," muttered Inara.
"Me neither," answered Kaylee. "But I think it was the tactical advantage angle that hooked 'em."
Inara laughed. "I suppose so. Still… Well, let's just say that Mal's response will be interesting, to say the least."
"Yep, that's my plan. How long you think this will take you, anyway, Inara?"
"I don't need long. You picked a good design, Kaylee. Simple."
Kaylee beamed. "Thanks. Just saw it in a shop on Persephone. Thought it was shiny."
Inara merely smiled back at Kaylee and continued to paint.
They were done long before Mal returned with his officers, and although she was still nervous about Mal's reaction, Inara thought her work didn't look half bad. The others agreed, and they settled in to wait for their captain's return with anticipation.
XXX
Mal left the bar that night in his usual way.
He was thrown out.
His crew was similarly treated, and as they started the long walk back to Serenity, the quartet loudly recalled the evening with great pleasure.
Mal's body was slowing degrading the liquor in his system, and he was feeling much more like his usual moody self than he had earlier, but he joined in the conversation as much as any of the others.
"I can't believe that it was Wash who started all the trouble!" groused Jayne.
Mal agreed. "Yeah, I even kept my cool when that Alliance patsy was spoutin' off about the war, too! And then Wash here has to go and ruin everything just by ogling the wrong girl at the party!"
"I wasn't ogling!" protested Wash.
"You were, too," teased Zoe.
"No, I wasn't! Honest!" Wash was floundering, and he knew it.
"You were and you know it," remarked Jayne. "And I don't blame you none. That girl was the hottest thing this side of the central planets. I had half a mind to…"
Mal sighed. "Jayne, could you be any more crude?"
Zoe laughed, and Wash re-joined the conversation. "I wasn't. I've got Zoe, and…"
Zoe laughed harder. "Baby, you're married. You ain't dead. Lookin's alright. Touchin' ain't, is all."
Wash's eyebrows rose at this remark. Zoe wasn't the overly jealous type, but neither was she the overly permissive type, either. Wash decided that the liquor must be talking a bit, but that didn't matter. He wasn't in the dog house, and that was enough for him.
"Thanks, honey."
Zoe smiled. "Anytime, love. Besides, what's a night dirtside without a good bar fight?"
"Here, here!" roared Jayne.
Mal laughed and agreed, too. "Indeed. We ain't had us a skirmish in a while. Nobody's hurt, and you got to be in on the fun for once, Wash. Not a bad night, if I do say so myself."
Jayne and Zoe nodded in agreement, but Wash protested. "Nobody's hurt? What do you call the blood coming out your nose or the bruises we've all got?"
Mal didn't answer.
The group had reached Serenity, and Mal stood stock still and stone cold sober as he stared at his ship. The logo emblazoned on her side stood out to him like a beacon, even in the semi-darkness of industrialized night.
Mal's expression was one of pure disbelief and shock.
Inside the ship's cargo bay, the civilian population of Serenity peeked out a small crack in the doors and observed their captain's reaction. Inara secretly gloated that she'd had a part in something that surprised the usually unflappable Malcolm Reynolds. Kaylee beamed and nearly bounced with gleeful anticipation. But Simon and Book were having second thoughts about their parts in this. They suddenly feared that Mal might turn his gun on every single one of his crew.
For outside, Mal's expression slowly changed. The shock and disbelief faded to a pure anger. Someone had messed with his ship, without his permission, and he was livid.
He stayed silent for a moment, with Jayne, Wash, and Zoe slightly behind him, but when he found his voice, it roared into the night like a train.
"Kaylee!!!"
No one moved for half a second. Mal roared again.
"Kaylee! What have you done to my ship?"
Inside, Kaylee swallowed once and slid open the bay doors. She knew this was her idea, and thus any fallout from it was hers to take. She slunk out of the cargo bay like a dog, but once she was outside, she stood erect and strode over to Mal as casually as she might if she were asking him what was for chow.
"You called, Cap'n?"
Mal didn't take his eyes off the handiwork on his hull. "What have you done to my ship?"
"Gave her a nametag, Cap'n. Happy birthday."
Mal still didn't move, but something clicked in his brain. "Birthday?"
"Yep. Thought you might like a nice shiny present."
"This is not shiny, Kaylee. This is a nightmare. Besides, it ain't my birthday."
"It is tomorrow. And it's no nightmare."
"Kaylee, has it escaped your attention that we ain't exactly legal-like?"
"Nope, Cap'n. I'm very aware of that. Be hard not to be."
"Then why in the name of all that is holy did you emblazon my ship with a gorram nametag?"
"Got my reasons."
"Little Kaylee," growled Mal, "I'm really not in the mood for your little word games right now. You tell me right now what those reasons are and how you got the crew in on this or I swear I'll… well… I do something really unpleasant-like."
Kaylee began to sense that her idea might not be the huge success she'd thought it would be, so she tried to protect the others as much as she could.
"Ain't nobody else in on this, Cap'n. Just me." Kaylee giggled a little as she spoke, but Mal didn't need the tell to know she was lying.
Mal sighed and shook his head, finally breaking eye contact with the emblem on his ship's hull. He looked directly at Kaylee as he spoke his next words.
"It was your idea, that's plain as day. But Inara painted it. The stowaways rigged something to get you up there. And these guys got me out of the way." Mal jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Jayne, Wash, and Zoe at this last part, and all Kaylee could do was nod in agreement.
"Well, yeah, Cap'n, but…"
"No, little Kaylee. No buts. How'd you get them in on this? I might have expected it from most, but Zoe? Jayne? What's goin' on, Kaylee?"
Kaylee looked like she was about to cry, but she squared her shoulders and looked her captain in the eye.
"I told you before, it's a birthday gift. I thought it was real pretty and that our girl deserved to have a nice nametag, just like the new ships. As for how I got the others to go along with it, well, this is how I did that little trick."
Kaylee held up a small device that looked like a hand-held radio, and Mal's eyebrows furrowed at it.
The young mechanic pushed a button on the box, then crossed her arms as she grinned triumphantly at the angry man in front of her. Mal returned her glare for a moment, then followed Kaylee's gaze to Serenity.
The emblem was gone.
In its place was Serenity's usual simple grey hull.
Mal blinked. "How'd you do that? This some sort of joke?"
Kaylee shook her head. "No joke, Captain."
She pushed the button on her device again, and the nameplate reappeared plain as day.
Mal shook his head again.
Kaylee laughed. "It's chameleon paint, Cap'n. Put a current to it and it only shows what's underneath. Rigged it so as we can change it real easy like."
Mal was quiet for several long heartbeats. Then he finally uttered the only thing he could.
"Huh."
That single syllable broke the tension in the air like a knife slipping through butter, but it wasn't until a soft smile began to spread over Mal's lips that a collective sigh of relief was breathed out into the night air by eight anxious souls.
After a moment, Mal pulled Kaylee into a one-armed hug, and ruffled her hair with his other hand. He spoke again, and his single word conveyed all anyone needed to know.
"Shiny."
As Mal and Kaylee stood arm in arm looking lovingly at their ship, Jayne, Wash, and Zoe stepped up behind them. Inara, Book, Simon, and River crept slowly out of the cargo bay.
The nine souls that called Serenity home stood as one and admired her.
No one knew how long this went on, but it was Mal who finally broke the moment.
"Well, seeing as this little bit of graffiti is apparently removable at will, I don't see no crime in it. But seeing as all of you folks did something to my ship without askin', it seems I have a choice to make."
The entire group stared at Mal as he seemed to think something over.
"I could shoot the lot of ya for insubordination, or I could join ya in a drink to toast my upcoming anniversary and forget all about this little incident. Now, shootin's fun, but it means cleanin' up after, and I ain't never much liked cleanin', so I propose a whole lotta drinkin' before I change my mind."
No one argued.
Malcolm Reynolds woke on his birthday with one hell of a hangover, but misery loves company, and there was plenty of both on Serenity that day.