Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. Unfortunately. Also, this fic deals with mature content and viewer discretion is advised. Some events may not have actually occurred on the show, and the things you don't remember happening are things that I implied and have written down. Don't sue me for it ;) Plot:
I and the public know / What all schoolchildren learn / Those to whom evil is done / Do evil in return.
Alex Nuñez stared hard at herself in the cracked mirror of her broken home. Piercing dark eyes stared back at her, unblinking, for two minutes. A single tear dripped poetically down her face and she walked out of the bathroom, slamming the door angrily. No matter what she did, she always did it wrong. She was tired of looking in the mirror and hating what she saw. It was not her looks that tormented, no. She was shallow, but not that shallow. But what she saw in the mirror was a look of torment and pure hatred. She knew deep down that hurting others because she had been hurt so many times was wrong, but she could not stop it.
The dark-eyed beauty had hurt so many people. Her mother, her friends, her lover. Paige. Condescending, bitchy, wonderful Paige. Who would have thought the over-achiever and under-achiever would have become friends, let alone lesbian lovers. She walked into the room towards her bed and flopped down on her back, staring at the cracked ceiling. It mirrored her mirror. She even saw herself in it, and rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in her pillow. Alex had done a lot of stupid things. She had cut class, been high, stoned, and drunk all in one night. Gotten an STD from her ex-boyfriend, turned said ex-boyfriend into a confidant, turned into a lesbian, and became a stripper. This all happened in the course of a year or so.
But this, this mistake really took the cake. Not only had she stripped to keep the cracked apartment, but her mother - her own mother - had used it to bail out that son of a bitch. She had seen what he did to her. Alex remembered bandaging her mother up after her and Chad had gotten into a fight. She remembered holding her mom while she cried because Chad had left her again. She remembered feeling bad for her mom and doing everything she could to please her.
But then she remembered other nights. Nights where Chad had come back to them and hit her. Nights where she had to bandage her own cuts. Nights where she had cried herself to sleep because she had been hurt - mentally and physically - so badly. Where had her mother been when she needed her? She remembered her mother saying she was the only thing she had ever gotten right, and lately Alex was very indifferent to that statement. Her mother had fucked up a lot. Like mother, like daughter. Alex, at least, was trying to change, but her mother and Chad had taught her what pain was. Some called it tough love, but to Alex, it was life.
She was harder now, though the tough girl exterior was diminishing a bit. The feeling of hatred to others and herself was rooted into her so deeply she didn't think it'd ever fade. It was tied into her tendons and looped around her bones. Everywhere she went, everyone she met, she hurt. And it was usually unintentional. And hurting Paige, well, that was different. Paige had hurt her so Alex had to return the favor. Every word that she had said, every glare she had given her had just happened. She couldn't help it. She had tried to stop though, tried to stop hurting the only person who she cared about. But like everyone else in her life, she hurt her. And she hurt her so badly, that she had left.
Alex blinked and turned onto her side, clutching the pillow to her chest. Stripping had been dumb but hurting Paige had been even worse. Hurting people had been a way of defense, a way of gaining power, some say. But she had never really wanted it. Fucking over others wasn't her main goal in life. Not that she had goals. And without Paige, she didn't see herself having a future, either.
She recalled telling this to Paige once, why she thought she hurt people. And the blonde-haired wonder had just smiled and said, "I like you just the way you are." If only she could like herself now, but as Paige said, or rather, didn't say, it was just the way she was.
So what do you think? A review would be amazing. More to come! If you guys like where this is heading, please tell me. The next chapter will be Ellie's.