The Inquisitor Likes Pink

"Stuffo'nonsense."

Vivienne looked behind her. Sera sneered as she went through her new "official" Inquisition armor. She looked back at the Knight Enchanter, glaring. "Was this your idea? Course it was, you great tyrant."

Vivienne chuckled. "My dear, I had little to do with this." She held her hand up into a beam of sunlight coming through the curtains and wiggled her fingers, watching the tiny gems glued all over her fingernails twinkle. "I did not choose which materials were used, I merely arranged the design schematics."

"Yeah, well, whatsit. Blackwall's gonna flip," Sera spat. "Bees, arrows. I'm picturing them all over you."

"The design is what matters, yes?"

The blacksmith Harritt passed them by, hauling up another load of finished product. He and Dagna customized each piece of armor with the metal, leather and cloth the Inquisitor approved.

Sera eyed him. "How could you let this happen?"

Harritt dropped the gear onto a table. "Nope, nope, don't even think about blaming this on me. I do as I'm instructed and I was instructed to do this." He was shaking his head with a sadness that drooped his features. "Nope, nope, nope..." he muttered as he trailed off, back to the Undercroft.

Sera growled at Vivienne. "Look what you done to him, Vivi!" She started to stomp off, stopped, turned back, grabbed her armor without looking.

Vivienne leaned in, narrowing her eyes and smiled. "Thank your lucky stars I didn't demand titscicles."

"Yeah, right? Don't want to bring them back in style. Whatever, knew it was you."

"I swear, I did not choose the color!" Vivienne shouted as Sera huffed out of the throne room. She pressed her fingertips to her mouth. If was suddenly important to her that everyone knew. There would be arguments, perhaps fist throwing. Magic would definitely be involved. Yes, she would inform everyone that the color pink was not her idea.

The Iron Bull and Dorian entered the throne room shortly after. The moment their eyes caught sight of glimmering dawn stone plate mail Bull would be attired in, his blood began to race. His eye lit up. "I approve," he said, horns nodding.

"Well I don't!" Dorian replied, looking troubled.

"I didn't have anything to do with the color," Vivienne injected, making absolutely sure they heard her. "Just so you know, it was the Inquisitor."

Bull looked at her. "You still here, ma'am? I thought you were supposed to be giving a demonstration on barriers in the mage tower right about now."

Vivienne crossed her arms. "I'm not going anywhere."

"This is a joke. It has to be," cried Dorian, holding up the Imperial vestment cotton and nugskin robe. "It's all frilly. It's got baubles."

"Eh, that skirt'll look good on you," Bull remarked, leeringly.

"It's not a skirt," he snapped back, then took another look at the ornate garment. "Wait, is it? What were you thinking, Vivienne?"

"Try it on," Bull urged. He held the rosy boots up. "We'll look good together. I'm not ripping that one off you."

"I did not recommend these materials!" Vivienne retorted. "Honestly, nugskin? What are we going up against, jelly demons?"

"Jelly demons don't sound scary at all," Bull added, nodding. "We need more of those, less arcane horrors."

Dorian had a troubled look as he returned his attention to the garment. "There are no such things as jelly demons! We're going to be torn to shreds. I'm going to get marred. I could get facial scarring like the rest of you blundering barbarians."

Varric entered the room with a chuckle. "Oh, this is great. We're going to be laughed off of Thedas." He rummaged around through the things on his table. He held up the stitched tunic to his chest. "You can't make this shit up. We're going to be a band of pink nightmares."

Vivienne held up a finger. "I did not pick the color, Varric, okay? You got that, right?"

Varric looked back suspiciously. "We could turn this into a game: who can last the longest before punching someone in the face for teasing us."

Dorian agreed. "People will be dropping dead from laughter, no doubt."

"If this gets back to Kirkwall I might as well go into hiding with Hawke."

Blackwall stumbled in, looking tired and confused. He rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands, shook his head several times then looked back down at the tables in front of him. The Iron Bull stifled a smirk.

Dorian grabbed up his armor and walked out, saying, "I'm leaving, I can't bear the thought of watching a burly warrior burst into tears in front of me."

"It was you or you, right?" Blackwall accused, pointing to both The Iron Bull and Vivienne. "Clearly this is some way to sabotage us. You Qunari are secretly siding with Corypheus. Or you, Vivienne, I've never trusted you. What are you on about with this?"

"Wasn't me." Vivienne retorted.

"I'm Tal-Vashoth, remember?" Bull reminded. "But yeah, this stuff will keep us sharp. On our toes. We've got to really hope nothing hits us."

Solas, Cassandra and Cole were shoved into throne room. Sera used her shoulder, nudging them closer. "See it? Told you. Vivienne did it."

"No!" Vivienne shouted, as the group gathered round to face their fate. "Please believe me. I told the Inquisitor these materials wouldn't work but she insisted!"

"I'll need more paint," Solas commented, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, and flicking his fingers into the material of his new vestments. "I'll have to mark this new event of us being run out of the village by the locals with pitchforks and torches on my mural."

"I doubt we'll make it that far, Solas," Cassandra replied, "we'll look like great nugskin targets. We'll glow brighter than the Inquisitor's hand. Even nugs might attack us now."

"Nug demons," Bull murmured. "Damn, I never should have trusted those little monsters. We need to kill every nug we see."

"That will just give Vivienne more material to work with," Varric pointed out, giving Vivienne a look.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Vivienne grumbled.

"Vivi's got a potty mouth!" Sera sang.

"Heads hanging low, slumping, shuffled steps, cheeks blushing as we enter. Villagers laughing and clapping, mirth filling their void. We'll help them," Cole whispered and eagerly grabbed up his leathers. "We'll help them with their sadness. I like helping people. Thank you, Vivienne, what a wonderful gift you've given us."

Vivienne reached for the door behind her. "Maker take all of you, I'm leaving."

"No, no, don't go, Vivienne!" The Inquisitor entered the throne room, followed closely by an angry, chastising Dorian. "We're all here. We should try all this one. Maybe have someone paint our portrait."

"This was really your doing, Boss? You know me."

"Inquisitor arrowhead."

"Glowing, singing in her head. She loves the color pink and wants to make everyone else as happy as she feels when she wears it."

"You should have left me in jail, Inquisitor."

"Perhaps you could open a rift so it can swallow me up and I can live in the Fade instead of dreaming about it."

"I will write a rule against using pink materials when I rebuild the Seekers."

"You'd better pray I don't become Divine."

"This is going to make a great story."

"Where's my staff? I could set this all on fire."

The Inquisitor laughed, listening to them whine. She walked around to face them and tapped her finger on the table waiting for them to quiet down. "Are you all quite finished?" she asked, eying them all. Many dejected heads bobbled back at her. Over their heads she waved, signaling someone. "Bring them in."

Everyone turned around, seeing several men and women haul in wheel barrels of new and very fine looking gear. Every head snapped back, mouths agape.

"A prank?" Sera shouted through a laugh. "You stiff? Good one!"

"Of course it's a prank, I'm not an idiot."

The companions eagerly sorted through their new gear with smiles and laughter. They clapped each other on their backs and nudged each other with their shoulders.

"You did good, Boss." Bull said through a grin.

The Inquisitor's eyebrow shot up and she smirked. "Yeah, I know. We all needed to take the edge off after The Arbor Wilds. That line about the portrait, though? Real. Everyone get dressed in your pretty pink gear and meet me in the courtyard. That's an order. Teach you for making me Inquisitor."

End