Author's note: Hello! We're Dyare and Megan, aka Squishy and the Bubble Gang, and we will be your story tellers today. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: We don't own Cardcaptor Sakura... sniffle You can try to sue us, but you won't get much.
Friends... With Benefits...: Introducing the Monkey
Hello viewers! My name is Tomoyo Daidouji. I am a Health teacher at Seijou High School. And this is my beloved boyfriend, Eriol Hirigazawa. He's the Band teacher at the same high school that I work at. But that's not how we met... We met because of my loving best friends, Sakura Kinomoto and Syaoran Li (Who are by far the most DENSE people I have ever and WILL ever meet!) who live in a really nice apartment, together, but are not together, if you know what I mean. Hence, the denseness. It's so obvious that they're in love with each other, they just won't admit it, and I'm the only one who knows! COUGH. Anyways, as I was saying... Sakura has a VERY hot brother, Touya, who is getting married to our friend, Meiling, who is NOT related to Syaoran. Confused? So am I. I just say what Sakura's flash cards tell me... Except for the whole... Sakura loving Syaoran... Thing... She's actually glaring at me about that right now! Well, I think you know enough, let's go on with the show, shall we?
Tomoyo was standing in front of her classroom with a ruler in her left hand and a Venti Cafe Vanilla in the right. Her hand is slightly shaking from the caffine intake and she occassionally twitched from time to time. She's also standing in front of a chart expressing the male anatomy. "And the last part of the penis we'll be talking about is the foreskin. It can be removed in a surgery called circumcision. If it isn't removed there can be a build called smegma." At that moment, Eriol walked in right before she said smegma. Hearing the word, he sat down to listen. "Hear something that interests you, Mr. Hirigazawa?"
"Proceed." He let his hand stick out as a gesture to move on. The class giggled from his non-chalant way of approaching their hyper-active teacher.
Tomoyo coughed angrily and proceeded, like he said to do. "Anyways... If this build occurs, it needs to be cleaned... Care to show us how it's done, Mr. Hirigazawa?"
"No thanks, I'm good. No build up here."
One student, hearing this, spoke up and remarked, "Ew..."
Tomoyo rolled her eyes. Why must she live with such imbaciles? "Typical male... " At that moment, the bell rang, excusing the students. "Okay, well, study your flash cards! I'll see you all after Spring Break! Quiz first thing Monday morning!" All she was met with were the groans of the students. "Thanks for wishing me a happy one too!" She sighed and walked up to Eriol, smirking. "So... Enjoying your prep are you?"
"Oh yes. I so want to learn about smegma. When are you going over Sex Ed?" Eriol's voice was so full of sarcasm Sakura could have mistaken him for being serious.
"Not until April." Tomoyo replied. Eriol pouted as she laughed and walked behind him to her desk so that she could set her coffee down.
"Damn."
"Yea, then I bet you'd LOVE to be an example wouldn't you?"
"I'm on the waiting list..."
Tomoyo laughed at this remark. "Yeah, behind my other five boyfriends. We're going in the order of size."
"Mine being the biggest?"
"Pfft. In your wet dreams!"
"How mean." He pecked her on the lips. "So, what're you doing for the next two hours?"
"I'm going to eat lunch at Sakura and Syaoran's."
"Let's hope you're cooking..."
Tomoyo giggled. "Oh, we've already gone over that, we're ordering out."
"Nice." Eriol stood up next to her and held out his arm. "Shall we?"
"We shall."
Syaoran Li was a tall man. Very tall. With brown hair that was not too long and not too short that made him look dark and mysterious. Much different from his personality because he was like an open book, especially when it came to his gorgeous roomate, Sakura. At least, he thought she was gorgeous. He walked through the door, whistling.
"Sakura? Are you home?" All he was met with was silence. Then he heard it. The shower. To peak or not to peak. THAT IS THE QUESTION... He thought about it... For a millisecond. PEAK. He smugly grinned as he proceeded to the bathroom. He quietly opened the door and looked inside. "How you doin?"
"Syaoran!" Many objects aflew in that moment. But there was one object that he could not mistake... A (Dyare and Megan Note: NON-USED... Sick, twisted perverts.) tampon. In his hair.
"OH MY GOD!!! GROSS!!!" He threw it out of his hair and slammed the door shut and backed away from it. Three minutes later a pissed off Sakura came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her. What a shame, she might as well not have that on...I know what she looks like without it anyways... Syaoran thought.
"What the HELL is your problem?!" Sakura yelled, although it didn't even faze him and the same smirk stayed on his face. "Hello? Did you not hear me? What the HEEELLLLLLL is. your prob-lem?"
"What are you talking about? I don't have a problem." He leaned closer to her. "I have. No. prob-lem." Sakura groaned, frustrated and stomped into her bedroom. At that moment Tomoyo and Eriol walked in to hear the loud and infamous words fly out of Sakura's mouth... Which will be bleeped.
"BLEEPing BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPER!!!" Slam went the door.
Tomoyo looked from Sakura's room to Syaoran a few times before yelling at him. "Syaoran! How many times do I have to tell you? If you want to see Sakura naked I have pictures! You don't have to walk in on her in the shower!"
Eriol's eyebrows raised. "Do you have naked pictures of you?"
"You see me naked every night Eriol, that's enough."
"But I don't get to see you naked all the TIME!"
"Then what would you do with them?"
"Jack off to them, naturally."
"Aw, that's so sweet! ... But no."
Syaoran coughed at that moment. This conversation was getting a little too personal. "Could you two please stop talking about spanking the monkey?"
"What are you talking about Syaoran? We're talking about masterbation, not spanking a monkey. There's no monkey in this conversa-" Eriol then leaned over and whispered in her ear about the saying. "Oh! I didn't know they called it that!"
At that moment, Sakura emerged out of her bedroom. "Hey Tomoyo, hey Eriol." She looked at Syaoran. "YOU."
"Aw, love you too sweety."
Tomoyo jumped. "I KNEW IT!!"
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Lunch should be here soon. I'm sure you guys can wait, unless he wants to catch the pizza delivery girl in the shower!"
Syaoran grinned. "Aw, Sak, you know you're the only one I'll happen to catch in the shower."
Tomoyo began to reminice. "That's not true! There was this one time..."
Syaoran cut in. "SO, what time's the wedding?"
"At five o' clock. DON'T BE LATE!!!"
"I won't... I won't..." Syaoran sighed. "God, you're two hours late for dinner once and after that it's like 'don't forget!' and 'your always late!'"
Tomoyo reminiced again. "That's not true... That one time..."
Sakura pitched in. "At band camp?"
"Yeah!"
"With the flute?"
"Yes! And then..."
"Yeah! I remember! That was SO fun!"
Syaoran and Eriol sat down and said in unison. "What happened?"
Tomoyo smiled. "Oh... Just a little incident with a flute."
Sakura grinned back. "Well, it wasn't LITTLE. Man... Did that HURT!"
The boys sat there, agape.
Syaoran stood up. "I'll be back..." He ran into his bedroom, covering a certain area in his pants, and slammed the door.
"Me too!" Erioll ran into the bathroom.
Tomoyo rolled her eyes. "God, just one little thing that can be taken as lesbianism and they're off to spank the monkey..."
Sakura looked at Tomoyo, confused. "What could be taken as lesbianism? And... WHAT MONKEY? ...Poor monkey..."
No, I think the "monkey's" pretty happy...
Sakura, Tomoyo, and Meiling were looking into the mirror in front of them. It was the day of the wedding, and they were all done getting ready. They were entranced by the view and were smiling.
"It's so pretty..." Sakura sighed.
"I know..." Meiling said, then reached over and pulled out the boquet that contained all red roses, with the occasional white. " ...Who knew that a boquet could be this beautiful!"
"I know!" Sakura exclaimed. She actually sounded a bit like Monica Geller from Friends at that moment.
At that moment, Syaoran walked in and said "Ladies... I just wanted to let you know... WOW... Meiling..." Syaoran stared. "Yo! Eriol! Come here!" Eriol ran in to see what the commotion was about. "Look at Meiling...'s Boquet..."
"Oh my god..." Eriol began. "It's so... Beautiful! That's the best boquet ever!"
"Sweety..." Tomoyo began.
"Yeah yeah, you're boquet's pretty too dear..."
"No, honey..."
"Yes, Tomoyo, I'm sincere..."
"No, the ceremony's about to start in one minute... You need to get out there..."
"HOLY SHIT!" They both exclaimed, then ran out. Leaving the Bride and Bride's maids in the room, ready to go.
"Ready?" Tomoyo asked.
"A little..."
"A little? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TALK IS THAT LI? YOU GO OUT THERE, AND MARRY MY BROTHER GOD DAMNIT!!!" Sakura covered her mouth. "Oh my god... I was just bossy... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it..."
Meiling stared at Sakura, scared. "Yes ma'am..."
"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOUNG LADY!" Sakura covered her mouth again. "Oh my god, I'm sorry. Go, leave before it happens again..." Meiling just stood there. "MOVE!!!" Meiling hurriedly rushed out.
"Wow Sakura... Nice. Maybe if you do that to Syaoran you'll get him into bed."
"Shut up, Tomoyo."
Tomoyo winked at her then rushed out. Sakura sighed and walked out, rolling her eyes. Tomoyo began to walk down the aisle, boquet in hand, to the beat of the music. She past by Touya and winked at him, giving him a thumbs up. Eriol glared at her at that moment, but she just blew him a kiss and he stopped. Then Sakura began her voyage down the aisle, being the maid of honor and all, to the alter to meet up with Tomoyo. Syaoran stared at Sakura as she walked down. He couldn't notice how the candles glowed around her like a halo (Dyare's Note: How cheesy... ' Did I really write that?). Sakura finally reached the end of the alter and smiled at Touya happily and got into position.
That is when the wedding march began. Meiling came into view and everyone gasped. She began to walk down the aisle slowly, smiling happily as she made her way to her love. Everyone stared at her in awe, or more like SOMETHING in awe.
"Oh my god, that is such a beautiful boquet!" Nadeshiko, Sakura and Touya's mother, remarked happily.
Meiling made it up to the alter and looked at Touya. He stared at her and smiled at her, taking her hand in his, then led her to the top of the aisle. He was the only one who did not notice the beauty of the boquet, but the beauty of his bride-to-be.
The reception was just as beautiful and wonderful as the ceremony. Whites, reds, and violet colors filled the room, lit with candles, giving a very romantic glow. The bride, groom, bride's maids and groom's men all sat at a very long table covered in red satin with candles spaced and bottles of champagne. The party talked amongst themselves as the rest of the guests chatted away, chomping on their food.
"Too bad Chiharu couldn't be here... She'll just have to see the pictures of the boquet when she gets back..." Tomoyo sighed sadly.
"I should get it like... Chryogetically frozen so that it can't die..." Meiling said, trying to preserve her gorgeous boquet. "So, when does she get back from Mexico?"
"You mean..." Tomoyo moved her hands as if it were a sign. "Sexico."
"I think in a few days... I haven't really talked to her..."
"Now ladie's and gentlemen, I would like to ask for the Bride and Groom to step out on the dance floor for their first dance as husband and wife." Touya grabbed Meiling's hand and led her to the dance floor. He twirled her around as the music began playing.
..."Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado...
Everyone cheered as the song ended and the couple posed.
"Only THEY would pick that song." Sakura commented. Tomoyo nodded her head in agreement.
"Alright everyone! Now get on your dancing shoes and dance!" The DJ started "Bumblebee" by Aqua. Tomoyo and Sakura squealed, hopped out of their chairs, and started an interperative dance. Such as: When they sang "I go boom boom boom" Sakura did a thrusting move with her chest, then when they said "You go zoom zoom zoom" Tomoyo slid across the floor. Then when the words were "You go bye bye bye" Sakura waved good-bye, then at "I go why why why?" Tomoyo made a Why? pose. Oh, and let's not forget when they sang "Sweet little bumblebee" Sakura and Tomoyo interpreted wings with their hands... What a couple of crazy people. (Dyare and Megan's note: Doing the dance)
Eriol and Syaoran sat in silence... HORRIFIED. They could not believe that they were in love with these girls! As soon as the song ended they quickly stood up and seperated the girls before they could do anymore damage. Too late boys.
"Okay, is there anywhere else you girls can move to... Like... An institution?" Syaoran asked. Sakura hit him as he grinned and pulled her in his arms, dancing with her. That always relaxed her.
"I always wondered what it would be like in there... I think it would be fun to bounce off the padded walls ." Tomoyo said matter-of-factly... Eriol looked at Syaoran and did the only thing he could think of... He kissed her. (Dyare's note: Michael and Megan, not Matthew and Dyare! ... Yet.) Then he pulled her in and began dancing to the slow song, "I Can Love You Like That" by Blackstreet.
Tomoyo looked at Meiling and touched her forehead, ear, and then her nose.
"Steal second? Don't mind if I do..." Eriol said as he groped Tomoyo's chest. Tomoyo squealed and batted him away, but soon dragged him back into the dance. Slowly, the two couples just "happened" to move their way towards Sakura and Syaoran, Tomoyo and Eriol behind Sakura, Meiling and Touya moving behind Syaoran. Then, suddenly, the two couples squashed Sakura and Syaoran together. After they moved away, Sakura lost her balance, thanks to her silver two inch heals, and Syaoran had to catch her, leaving them in a dipping position, his face a mere few inches away from hers. Their eyes widened suddenly, then began to close as he leaned forward. But, alas, good things must NEVER happen. (Megan/Tomoyo note: FOILED!) The song ended and went into "I'm too Sexy". Their eyes snapped suddenly, in shock, then... Syaoran dropped Sakura.
"Eep!" CLUNK!
Then, before Syaoran could react, a silver, 2 inch heel shoe flew at his head. "Ow! Geez! It was an accident! You didn't have to throw a shoe at me!"
"I didn't throw that shoe! Mine is so much cuter!" Which didn't make sense because... Well, all the bride's maids had the same shoe...
Syaoran turned around to find a steaming Tomoyo behind him... Was there flames?
"You idiot! How could you drop my precious Sakura-chan!" She picked up the shoe and pointed the heel at him. "And you're also a BLEEPing idiot because... Because... Well, YOU JUST ARE!!!" She then turned on one heel, seeming as one was in her hand, and stomped off... Well, more like a limp.
"Wow... She's moody..."
"Hellooooo? I'm still kinda down here!"
"Oh shit!" Syaoran took Sakura's hand and helped her up.
Twenty minutes later Sakura and Eriol managed to finally get Tomoyo out of the bathroom and back to the wedding. There were three more attempts at the "bumping", each one being more and more closer to success because Sakura and Syaoran got more and more drunk. By the end of the night, everyone left as drunk as a... Monkey? Poor monkey...
Author's note: Well, hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Review if you'd like!