I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
Rated M for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.
I don't have a beta or someone to edit so please excuse any stupid mistakes.
I do not own Twilight and I'm not making money from this etc etc.
AN: I have an outline for around 30 chapters so far so this will be a looonnnng fic, if you guys dig it, that is.
I figure I might as well lay all my shit out for you right at the get go, that way you don't expect me to go falling in love or being a hero. I think people should be honest with each other. My parents aren't with me so I'm trying to be better than them, you dig? Most of the time we scream at each other and sometimes my mother likes to throw things, especially when she is having one of her episodes. We're not rich like the Cullens so my dad works at the plant and as a truck driver sometimes when the bill collectors start banging on the door. He likes to run off to some bar to meet up with his buddies and since I can barely handle my mother I end up staying with my Aunt and Uncle (I swear to God they never seem to get older).
Okay, they aren't really related to me but I like to pretend they are so there is a shred of decency attached to our family name. Esme is my mother's best friend and I think my aunt is the only reason she hasn't offed herself. They're always taking in these foster kids. There's Alice who's a year younger than Bells and who is a major bitch to me and Emmett who's a year older. Uncle Carlisle is the head surgeon at the hospital and his wife works as an interior designer when she isn't reading to blind kids or some shit like that. They are like the poster people for saints but they never judge me, which I am grateful for. Not even after Emmett and I got sent to jail for breaking into the hospital to lift some pills. Which, I might add, is not really breaking in when you have a key that you stole from your uncle's desk, don't you think? Don't worry, that argument didn't work on Charlie either.
Today was like any other day. I was bored, I hated school and I was terrified for my life. Bella was driving because my mother insisted I could not walk today, like I usually do (not like she'd care if I froze to death anyway). So I actually obeyed and went to Bella's house because I wanted to avoid dealing with her screaming. I hate Bella's fucking crappy piece of ugly ass stringy-haired dog shit truck. The breaks are shoddy and the seatbelts are flimsy and it makes this scary grinding noise when she starts the engine. I swear, whenever Bella drives she hits every hidden patch of ice on purpose just to get a rise out of me. I need to start wearing diapers if this is gonna be a regular thing because one of these days she's gonna scare me so much I'm gonna piss my pants.
I have this thing about cars. I hate them. I hate moving. I hate turning. I hate highways. I hate when someone else is driving and I hate when the car goes more than ten miles per hour. So you can imagine my fear when Bella is in the driver's seat, holding my life in her hands. It usually starts with her laughing evilly while swerving the car to hit a pothole and me screaming like a pussy for her to fucking stop it while trying not to cry like a wuss. And that, my friends, is how I get to school.
'Sides, getting rides from Bella meant actually going to school and school was not a part of my plans. My goal in life was to find a nice hot girl to fuck every night, have enough barbecue potato chips to last me until the end of the world and to always have Bella as my friend.
Honestly, why she puts up with me is a mystery. Actually, I am not even sure how I am allowed in her house or allowed to even talk to her since Charlie and I aren't really buddy-buddy. We're kinda like Bin Laden and Bush - don't really get along. He wants to hunt me down and kill me for God's sake! Anyways, I am like an automatic boy repellent so I think that's why he lets me hang around. No kid dares to even breathe around Bella in a semi-sexual way when I'm in the vicinity since I've taken it upon myself to make sure her heart never gets broken. And I am hella good at it. I spend my time at school warding off the drooling masses when she gives me the signal. I, on the other hand, go through girls like you're supposed to go through underwear. But I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I wear my favorite boxers a few days in a row... I'm a bonified ladies man, I will admit it proudly, and I like breaking da hearts when I can. And I am always the heart breaker, never the heart broken. It happened to me once, when I was a newbish freshman in love with smokin' Marcy Cinclaire but we are not going back to my days of zit cream and velcro shoes. No...just....no.
Bella parked the car (I was pretty sure I had whiplash now) and Mike and his minions (Eric and Jessica) instantly pounced on us.
"Having a good morning, Bella?" Mike the bastard drawled in an attempt to sound suave.
"It's fine, Mike. Actually it's perfect. And you know what?"
"What?" He seemed especially eager, as if she was going to profess her love for him right there.
"Jasper and I fucked in the back of my truck before we came here and I think that just made this morning the best morning of my life."
It was extremely difficult to keep a straight face as Mike's expression fell from one of adoration to simmering hate. He glared at his shoes before a sly smile slowly formed.
"You and I could try that after school," he suggested. "I'd be more than happy to fill up your slots for best afternoon and evening and lunch break...and sunrise...and dinnertime...." he finished, raising his eyebrows. That little prick. Though, it does explain some things. I always knew Mike was a sex addict. I rolled my eyes and held back a growl as that parasite draped his arm around her shoulder and force a smile at Jessica who has had a crush on me since before I hit puberty. I'll admit that she was a nice fuck every once and a while but she was annoying as hell when she was not moaning under me. Tyler and I do our customary fist bump and he pulls me into a hug. A manly hug, mind you.
I know you're probably thinking that I put up this confident front when really I'm a pathetic overprotective bully with a hot girl who wont fuck me as practically a best friend and lame parents. Well ha! I have other friends. Well....friend. Tyler is my best best friend. Yes, I know, I have been going on and on about Bella this and Bella that and I might come off as a jerk by not mentioning the guy that I grew up with but it wasn't intentional. See, all of this is new to you and you don't know any of us. Tyler was just always there and I never had to think about it which is why I didn't think to actually say Tyler is the reason I haven't run off to New York or mexico or offed myself or killed someone and got my ass sent upstate till I'm an ugly old geezer. This was usually the time I break away with Ty and go hide in the bathroom or the back of the library since sitting in a room listening to some old person tell us what we should know about life did not appeal to either of us.
I liked doing my own thing. I write. I know, surprising, right? Do I seem eloquent? Probably not. I like to shoot the shit and slap down some rhymes every once and a while and would slit my mother's throat for the chance to perform some slam poetry. But I didn't like how Mike was glued to Bella and the fact that she obviously was disgusted by it kept me rooted on the dreaded path to class. She gave me the signal, a finger to the nose, and I disengaged Jessica from my arm. In five seconds I had shoved Newton the fag away, wrapped my arm around my Bells and started walking her the rest of the way to class with Tyler jabbering away about a new rap album next to me. Mike didn't protest. I think he learned a little something from that time my fist took his face out on a date.
"Thank you. You're my knight in shining armor, you know that?" She said, ruffling my hair as we entered Biology. I snorted and patted down my curls, which were never fixed right.
"Remember, I am only coming to class because you need to be protected. Don't get any ideas and decide we are going to start studying or anything."
"I swear, on my life," she held up her hand seriously, "that I will never invite you to a study group. Though, I'll have you know," she said, grinning mischievously, "It would make a nice front for an orgy, don't you think?"
"Oh hell yes," I hear Tyler say from our seats in the back.
She kissed me on the cheek and had successfully stunned me into silence. Bella never talked about sex unless she was a) trying to get Mike to go away or b) lecturing me about the number of girls I had slept with that weekend (my record is seven). It was a ploy for then she tried to drag me down into the seat next to her but I would risk my favorite shirt getting ripped off my body before I sit in the front of the room. I escaped unscathed and slunk to my usually seat in the back with the chipped table and microscope with an infinitely dim light. Mike Newton had the balls to actually stare at her as soon as he sat down and I knew it was just some innocent puppy love but as soon as he glanced my way I glared and he didn't look at her again the rest of the class period.
"Hey, you wanna come with me to Seattle next Friday? There's this big poetry gig goin' on at Twilight." Tyler said from my right, mentioning our favorite joint for beat and slam poetry readings. It was a long ass drive but so worth it. We'd skip class, get there just in time for the show, crash at Tyler's older brother's apartment and head back on Sunday. Bella wouldn't be invited. It was our thing. Just the two of us.
"Fuck yes." My excitement left as soon as it arrived and I frowned and picked at the desk, "Well...I have to ask my mom, though. She's having a rough week. The episodes are getting worse." I hated talking about my mother and her freak outs and Tyler knew better than to push it.
As long as I can remember my mom has been screwed up in the head. Our insurance, when we have it that is, wouldn't cover the treatment I know she needs. To be honest, she should be in a loony bin but every few years there would be a long stretch of sanity and I'd think she was finally better. Before she did something stupid again and the cops threaten to take me away if she doesn't see some state appointed shrink for a few weeks and pretend she isn't a psycho before they let her loose. I'm sure that's why my dad took that truck driving gig. He would be gone for weeks at a time to get away from her. Of course that left me to deal with it. Alone.
Unbeknownst to me, the teacher had assigned some stupid project and we were supposed to be partnered up. I didn't even realize it but Tyler had totally ditched me while I was dancing around alone at my own mental pity party and was sitting next to angela, his arm draped casually over her shoulder. I could tell that he had switched on what we called his Sexy Man mode and was flirting with her. Angela was a nice girl and she was super shy but she'd poke her head out of her shell every once and a while when Tyler came around. Bella was motioning to me to come sit up in the front with her and she wouldn't stop until I stood up and dragged my ass across the room.
"Angela, honey. How many times do I have to say that you look beautiful with your glasses?"
I heard Tyler as I walked by, shaking my head. What a player.
Next to Bella, I felt exposed up in the front. I was cold. It was too bright here. But hey, the table was nice, there was actual equipment and the microscope worked.
"Hello, Swan."
"Good morning, Whitlock. Have you been behaving yourself back there?"
"Yes ma'am. No masturbating today. I swear."
She snorted just as the door opened and I suddenly become interested in cells and start poking at a slide. It was always best to not initiate eye contact when some goody two shoes hall monitor brought a note from the head honcho. Ten out of ten times its for me. Principal Graves hated me. Probably because I was always getting into fights. And not to forget the fact that I know a thing or two about what happened to Grave's missing pet hamster. I bet last Thursday's school meatloaf jamboree surprise was insanely delicious since I can assure you there was real meat in it this time, if you get what I mean.
"Guys," Mrs. Ademson started, in an attempt to be cool and 'relate to us'. If you ask me, teachers would relate better if they stopped using slang and converted back to practices from the olden days. Starting with paddling us again if we got out of line. I mean, can you imagine how awesome it would be to get spanked by Mrs. Amazing Boobs Ademson in front of everyone? Well I can, and I usually do, but I don't think you wanna know what I do when I'm bored in the shower. "We have a new student. His name is...."
"Edward...."
My eyes snap up. Well damn. Silky smooth voice, no nervousness. Hmmm. Interrupted the teacher. He had done this before. Kinda arrogant. He was definitely going to be a threat. It was also strange that he was staring at me. Not just staring at me but staring at me. I mean, I like to think I'm good looking but I dont think I'm that hot. Besides, he looked like he screwed girls; definitely a straight arrow. After his first name I stopped listening. New kid at Forks High usually meant lots of fun for me but this one was different. This one kinda scared me and baby, I don't scare easy.
"Go ahead, sit anywhere you want. I'm sorry, everyone's already partnered up so it'll be a little cramped."
"It's no problem," the new jail-bait said politely, his eyes still glued to my face. Made my skin crawl. I could see his jaw working and I wonder if I had screwed his sister and knocked her up or something.
Bella was all google eyed and practically shoved me over to make room for the new Fork's eye candy. This month we have a nice sweet Edward. He comes in three flavors: sour, bitter and white chocolate. He also is packaged with pheromones and smoldering eyes that make girls have auto orgasms from just one tiny glance. But wait! There's more! If you order now we'll add a special surprise: crack open his chest and there's marshmallow!
He dragged over a stool from against the wall and sat down between us. Damn, I hated when nut jobs got crushes on Bella. Or by the looks of it, when Bella got crushes on nutjobs. I pretended I was blind, deaf and invisible as Bella rambled on to him for the rest of the class period, leaving me to muddle through the assignment (yes, I was actually trying school work. I know what you are thinking and shut the fuck up). Seriously, does the guy need to know her father's a cop and her favorite color is purple after knowing her for less than thirty minutes? He looked like a total creeper and he seemed really uptight. Its Forks, man, the chances of anything exciting happening or someone trying to cap your ass is slim to none, I should know, I've lived here for seventeen fucking years so this dude needed to chill out. Edward just sat there and took it, which was surprising.
"You should hang out with us sometime. I moved here a couple of years ago and it was hard to make friends at first," finally, she looked at me. "Oh, and this is Jasper. He is unfortunately my friend. Jasper, this is Edward Cullen."
My eyebrows shot up at the mention of my Aunt and Uncle's last name. God another one? Seriously? I still was recovering from meeting Emmett for the first time. My ribs never healed right after that. I chuckle at the way her voice changes when she says his name. She's just screaming: Oh Edward, fuck me please. Fuck me on this lab table while I scream the phases of cell reproduction (in order). Ohhh Edward. I shake my head disapprovingly and look him up and down. brown hair, dark eyes, face pale as my ass (my mom doesn't like when I sunbathe naked in the front yard).
"Nice to meet you," he said. No, excuse me, he snarled.
I grunted in response and shifted on the stool (my ass was going numb). It disturbed me that he was angry at me and I hadn't even said anything yet. And I mean he was pissed, angry, ticked. I'll be honest, my heart kinda skipped a beat since despite my bad ass persona I don't like getting the shit beat out of me and especially for no reason. Maybe he would be harder to keep away from Bella than I thought. I grinned as he just glared at me and could see Bella rolling her eyes and most likely silently praying I wasn't going to be a douche. We'll, praying never got me that threesome with Angelena Jolie and Natalie Portman so it sure as hell wasn't gonna control me.
"Oh. Hot. Damn," I purred, wiggling my eyebrows.
I choked back a laugh as Bella slapped her hand on her forehead, face red as a tomato. I ignored him completely and the chills down my spine from his creepy murderer glare. My heartbreaker vendetta "Operation Destroy Douchebag Players" (all players minus Ty and I, of course) usually worked better if I don't have personal contact with the victims.
"New fuck toy walks in and you forget all about your best friend. You should tell him I'm fucking pyscho and if he tries to get into your pants I will kick his ass."
I stood up and would have gathered my books it I had them and walked out, the bell ringing annoyingly along with an irritated teacher's voice crying "Mr. Whitlock" just as the door closed behind me.
Welcome to forks, Eddie boy; home of rain and epic failure. It's fan-fucking-tastic so please enjoy your stay.
AN: want morrrre? review please! =]
how else will i know if you love it or hate it?
are they vampire or are they human? hmmm who knows? mwhahaha.