- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:06 –
TA: hey 2up.
TG: oh god not you
TA: you don't even know me wtf.
TG: well
TG: i do know youre one of those annoying trolls
TG: am i right
TA: not all of u2 are annoyiing.
TA: you don't have two be 2o rude.
TG: well sorry
TA: jegu2 what ii2 iit wiith you human2.
TA: maybe all ii wanted two do wa2 make conver2atiion wiith you.
TA: and here you are wiith your "oh god not you".
TG: dude chill
TA: 2hut up. ii'm not done.
TA: ju2t becau2e ii'm a troll doe2n't mean you have the riight two be a fuckiing a22hole.
TA: the 2ame goe2 two all your friiend2.
TA: troll2 have feeliing2 two. and we don't appreciiate beiing iin2ulted wiith thiing2 liike "oh god not you".
TA: you dii2gu2t me. whiich ii2 2ad. cau2e ii thought maybe we could be friiend2.
TA: but no.
TG: i think
TG: youre overreacting
TG: but anyway
TG: im sorry
TG: i didnt mean to come off as a dick
TA: ...your apology ii2 accepted. for now.
TG: so does this mean were like
TG: friends now
TA: dude. not 2o fa2t. ii don't even know your name.
TG: dave strider
TA: well dave 2triider. iit'2 niice two meet you, ii gue22.
TA: ii'm 2ollux.
TG: likewise man
TG: oh wait
TG: are you even a guy
TA: of cour2e ii'm a guy. do ii 2ound liike a chiick two you.
TG: not really
TA: yeah that'2 what ii thought.
TA: 2o dave 2triider.
TA: tell me about your2elf.
TG: im a penguin and i live on the moon
TG: i was raised by a pod of space dolphins
TG: that taught me to rap like a pro
TG: theyre pretty much the reason im so cool
TA: ...
TA: okay. ii have no fuckiing iidea what any of that mean2.
TG: i was joking dunkass
TG: in all honesty there isnt much to say about me
TG: just that im the most ironic and cool guy out there
TA: your maturiity level ii2 that of a grub.
TG: what
TA: you're obviiou2ly not that cool.
TA: no one can be the coole2t per2on out there.
TA: and ii'm pretty 2ure you can't be iironiic and cool at the 2ame tiime.
TA: how old are you anyway.
TG: 13
TA: holy 2hiit.
TA: you are 2o not that old.
TG: well how old are you
TA: 6.
TG: something tells me youre not 6 years old
TA: ii'm 6 2weep2 old. iidiiot.
TG: what
TG: what is that
TG: sweep like a vacuum
TA: um. no.
TA: liike. 2olar 2weep2.
TG: jesus what planet are you from
TA: alterniia.
TG: that was a joke
TA: how wa2 that a joke.
TA: you a2ked me what planet ii'm from.
TG: so youre saying youre an alien
TA: well two you.
TA: ii am a troll after all.
TA: la2t tiime ii checked there were no troll2 on your planet.
TG: i think were on two different wavelengths here
TG: so let me get this straight
TG: youre a troll from a totally different planet
TG: not just an annoying internet troll in montana that has no life
TA: what'2 a montana.
TG: thats not important
TA: waiit. are you 2ayiing you don't beliieve me.
TG: yes
TA: ii'll 2end you a fuckiing piicture of my2elf iif that make2 you feel any better.
TG: i don't want your troll nudes
TA: that'2 dii2gu2tiing.
TA: ...hold on one 2econd.
TA: /429xz3n
TA: that'2 me.
TG: nice glasses
TA: thank2.
TG: wait are those horns
TA: um. ye2.
TA: do you not have horn2.
TG: hell no
TA: ii wanna 2ee what you look liike.
TG: /448qjcz
TG: i might be too cool for your eyes
TA: are you 2ure that'2 you.
TG: yeah
TA: well then dave 2triider.
TA: you're 2exiier than ii thought you'd be.
TG: what
TA: ju2t 2ayiing. you're really attractiive.
TG: okay then
TA: ii2 there a problem.
TG: i guess not
TG: i just
TG: well i thought you said
TA: 2aiid what.
TG: that you were a guy
TA: ii am.
TG: so youre like
TG: gay
TA: what.
TG: dude its fine if you are
TG: my best friends gay
TG: not that big of a deal or anything i guess
TA: what ii2 that.
TG: what is what
TA: gay. what doe2 that mean.
TG: wait really
TA: ye2.
TG: its when a dude likes another dude
TG: like romantically or something
TA: um.
TA: okay.
TG: so im guessing you arent
TA: …pretty 2ure.
TG: wow sorry man
TG: uhh anyway thanks for the compliment
TA: no problem.
TG: oh hey i gotta go
TG: i guess ill talk to you later
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] –
TA: okay. bye.
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 19:00–
TG: hey sollux
TG: youre idling but i figured id try to talk to you
TG: no one else is online
TG: sorry if im bothering you or anything
TG: im just kinda bored
TG: okay i think ill just go
TG: see you later
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] –
TA: oh hey 2orry.
TA: are you 2tiill there.
TA: dave.
TA: damniit.
- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] at 19:47 –
TA: ff. can ii talk two you.
CC: )(ey sollux! of course you can talk to me. W)(at's up? 38)
TA: okay. thii2 ii2 goiing two 2ound really 2tupiid.
TA: but ii ju2t kiinda met thii2 aliien guy over trolliian.
TA: and for 2ome rea2on ii thiink ii feel.
TA: uh.
TA: red for hiim.
CC: Awww Sollux t)(at's so cute! 38) Glub Glub
CC: W)(o cares if you just met )(im?
CC: T)(ere is suc)( t)(ing as red at first sig)(t! Glub!
TA: yeah but we haven't even met iin per2on.
TA: iit'2 weiird.
TA: plu2 he'2 an aliien.
CC: )(e can't )(elp t)(at.
TA: ii gue22 you're riight.
TA: 2o.
TA: what 2hould ii do.
CC: Talk to )(im more! Get on )(is good side! Befriend )(im! 38)
TA: ii gue22 ii can do that.
TA: thank2 ff.
CC: No problem!
- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] –
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 23:00–
TG: hey sorry i missed you earlier
TA: iit'2 fiine.
TG: what are you up to
TA: ii wa2 talkiing two my friiend earliier.
TA: but now ii'm ju2t kiind of hangiing around.
TG: sounds pretty exciting
TA: you have no iidea.
TA: …oh hey dave. ii have a que2tiion.
TG: yeah
TA: do you beliieve iin liike.
TA: long dii2tance relatiion2hiip2.
TG: i wouldnt know
TG: never had one
TG: but i mean
TG: i guess they can work out
TG: why do you ask
TG: does my troll friend fancy someone far far away in a distant land
TA: yeah ii do, actually.
TG: ooh do tell
TA: ii can't.
TG: how come
TG: is it some kind of forbidden love
TG: i wont tell anyone
TA: no, iit'2 not.
TA: iit'2 ju2t a 2tupiid iinfatuatiion.
TA: forget ii 2aiid anythiing.
TG: come on
TA: ii 2aiid forget iit.
TG: im never going to
TA: damniit.
TA: you're annoyiing.
TA: ii hope you know that.
TG: oh sollux
TG: you wound me
TA: a22hole.
- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] –
TG: dude sorry
TG: i didnt mean to piss you off
TG: fuck
TG: sollux
TG: answer me
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist at 1:00 [EB] –
TG: hey
EB: oh hi dave!
TG: im surprised youre awake
EB: haha, i just couldnt sleep.
EB: what's up?
TG: nothing just
TG: well i feel like i just got kicked in the heart
TG: or something
TG: cause my chest hurts
EB: what why? are you okay?
TG: okay egbert im going to tell you something
TG: and i swear to god if you tell rose ill tell everyone your biggest secret
EB: dave don't joke about that!
TG: sorry man i just need you to understand that this is serious
TG: okay
TG: so you know the trolls right
EB: yeah.
TG: okay well somehow ive managed to befriend one
TG: and i think i
TG: have a
TG: crush on him
TG: i guess
EB: woah dave, you like a guy?
TG: laugh all you want
EB: no, i'm just surprised!
EB: you don't seem like the kind of guy that...well, likes guys.
TG: im not
TG: or at least i thought i wasn't
TG: its just that
TG: me and this guy
TG: we connect really well
TG: if that makes any sense
EB: i know what you mean.
EB: so what's the problem with this crush of yours?
TG: well i just met him
TG: i think thats the problem
TG: that and hes an alien
EB: dave…i'm dating an alien. there's nothing bad about it.
TG: how do you deal with the long distance thing
TG: like you guys cant even make out
EB: um
EB: well
EB: there's more to a relationship than making out.
TG: i know I was just using that as an example
EB: the long distance thing…isn't really that big of a deal.
EB: skype calls are awesome, it's almost like being face to face!
TG: oh yeah I forgot about skype
TG: still though
TG: what if he doesnt like me like that
EB: why wouldn't he? you're dave strider.
EB: the coolest kid ever. :)
TG: haha thanks egbert
TG: i guess then
TG: maybe i should talk to him about it
TG: but
TG: the thing is i kinda made him mad
EB: oh no, what happened?
TG: well
TG: he asked me about long distance relationships and it led to us talking about some person he likes that lives far away
TG: and i kept bothering him about it and he got pissed
EB: hehe!
TG: what
EB: maybe he was talking about you.
TG: wait do you really think so
EB: why not?
TG: oh man
TG: wouldnt that be ironic if we both liked eachother
EB: that would be awesome!
TG: yeah youre right
TG: thanks egbert im gonna go talk to him now
TG: or try to
TG: ill let you know how it goes
EB: okay! good luck dave! :)
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 10:00–
TG: hey morning sollux
TG: listen im sorry for being so pushy last night
TG: i guess i was interested in hearing about your problems because i actually care about you
TG: i know that probably doesnt sound right cause we just met but yeah
TG: you dont have to forgive me
TG: we can stop being friends and pretend we never even met
TG: if thats what you want
TG: although if that happens then that would suck
TG: cause honestly
TG: ...
TG: okay dont freak out
TG: but i think i like you
TG: its stupid
TG: but i feel like we get eachother
TG: maybe were soulmates or something
TA: woah.
TG: oh shit i didnt actually think you were reading this
TG: shit
TG: shit shit shit
TA: dude.
TA: ii forgiive you.
TA: ii wa2 ju2t a liittle on edge la2t niight ii2 all.
TA: ii ju2t...
TA: la2t niight when ii told you ii had a cru2h on 2omeone, ii wa2 talkiing about you.
TA: but ii couldn't 2ay iit cau2e ii diidn't want two me22 up our friiend2hiip.
TG: wait youre joking
TG: you seriously like me too?
TA: not jokiing.
TA: ii liike you.
TA: dave are you there.
TA: dave.
TG: shit sorry
TG: im really happy right now
TG: im losing my cool here
TA: hehe.
TA: good two know that ii have the abiiliity two make the coole2t kiid ever lo2e hii2 cool.
TG: yeah
TA: 2o dave.
TA: do you wanna be my mate2priit.
TG: wait what is that
TA: oh damn your human2 and your weiird romantiic way2.
TG: hahaha
TA: what'2 iit called when you're fond of 2omeone 2o you have 2loppy makeout2 and 2tuff wiith them.
TG: dating i guess
TA: okay. 2o do you want to do that.
TG: that would be fantastic
TA: awe2ome.
TG: hey do you have a skype
TA: yeah.
TG: we should like
TG: video chat
TA: ooh. what'2 your 2kype name.
TG: same as pesterchum
TG: you
TA: haha 2ame here.
TA: ii'll add you now.
TG: sweet
TA: okay diid you get my iinviitatiion thiing.
TG: yeah already accepted it
TA: okay. do you ju2t wanna talk on 2kype then.
TG: sure
TG: just give me a second to fix my hair
TA: haha. okay.
- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] –
You pull your hands away from the keyboard, cracking your knuckles and leaning back in your chair. You quietly wonder to yourself, what does Sollux sound like? What does he act like? You're very curious. You've never talked face to face with a troll before (in person or on webcam).
"Sollux Captor is calling you" flashes onto the screen, and you quickly click "answer with video". You push some hair out of your face as the video loads.
Sollux appears, wearing a black hoodie over his shirt with the Gemini symbol on it. He's wearing his weird 3D glasses. "Hey," he smiles sweetly and waves.
"Hey," you respond, smiling (probably dorkily) back at him, even though you told yourself you were going to keep a cool demeanor.
"It'th fucking dark in your room. Can't hardly thee you."
Before getting up to open the curtains, you smirk and raise an eyebrow. "Is that a lisp I detect, Mr. Captor?"
"Yeah. Ith that a problem?"
You shake your head. "No, it's cute."
You can hear his head slam down onto his keyboard as you stand to draw the curtains. The nearly blinding Texas sun pours in and you're glad you have your shades on.
You sit back down at your desk. "So Sollux," you start, propping yourself up with your elbows, "What do you wanna talk about?"
"Oh God, anything. You thould jutht talk tho I can hear your voithe. It's fucking thek-" He tries to force the word out. "Thhhhekthhhy."
"Thekthy. " You repeat with a grin.
"Thhut up."
"Well if you want me to talk, I can. What do you want me to say?"
"Mnn, tell me your life thtory."
You think for a moment and take a deep breath.
"Alright. My name is Dave Strider. I'm thirteen years old, and I live in this shitty place called Texas. I was created ectobiologically by some something, and my super cool paradox clone guardian guy whom I know as Bro raised me. I have this best friend named John Egderp, and he's a fucking nerd but I love him to death. He's the one that got me these kickass shades." You pause to flaunt your sunglasses.
"I like to start sick fires; I'm pretty much the king of rap. I have my own turntables, and I mix amazing music. I draw this cool webcomic called Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, it's an inspiration to everyone around here. Oh and, I'm dating this kickass guy who's seriously awesome and sexy and all that."
You take another breath.
"That's really it. When it comes down to it, I'm not all that interesting."
Sollux smiles, and you see his fucking sharp teeth.
"You theem really interethting."
"I doubt I'm as interesting as you are."
"Nah. I jutht hack computerth and keep beeth."
"You're a beekeeper? That's different."
"Yeah, it'th a bit of a burden thometimes, but it'th fun. I'll thhow you my beeth one day. If we ever meet in perthon."
"Or, when we meet in person."
"I hope we do."
He stares at you dreamily, and you can actually feel yourself blush.
"Am I making you lothe your cool again?"
"Maybe a little."
After a few moments of just staring at eachother, which didn't feel awkward at all for some reason, Sollux asked, "What color are your eyeth?"
"What color are yours?" You ask in return.
"You tell me firtht."
"They're red."
"Okay, mine are blue and red."
"So do you see in 3-" You pause, realizing how stupid that sounds.
He chuckles. "I think I thee jutht like you do. Thethe glathhheth are jutht for thhow."
"So you'll take them off?"
He shrugs and removes his glasses, setting them next to him.
You stare at his eyes, noticing how different they are from yours, or any other pair of eyes you've ever seen. The left one is a deep blue, and the right is bright red. He has no pupils, no sclera. Each eye is only one color.
"Gorgeous." You tell him, and he blushes an odd yellow color.
"Th-thow me yourth."
You remove your shades slowly. "You should feel pretty special by the way. I don't let many people see my eyes."
"Yeah okay."
When they come off, you actually feel somewhat... insecure. The only people that have ever seen you without your shades are John and Bro. You've always been self-conscious about your eyes, probably because they were an odd color. Your stomach does a flip and you blush.
"Hey, what'th wrong?"
"Nothing. Sorry. I'm just not used to-"
"Your eyeth are beautiful, if that'th what you're wondering. Jutht becauthe it'th not a normal color for eyeth to be, doethn't mean they're any lethh attractive."
You blush scarlet and slam your head on your desk.
No one has ever said anything like that about your eyes before.