Foolish Immortals

Sometimes I wonder how much my body can stand
My mind I don't worry about
I kinda think I lost that long ago
But my body…

I depend on my strength
And it makes me wonder
How many times can I be thrown against walls
And floors, and pillars, and yeah, the occasional ceiling

I wonder if my back will ever really break
Imagine
Them looking down on my body
No puncture wounds or gashes
Just a snapped spine
Ouch

I think I might be near that point
Then, suddenly
There you are
As if you never left

But you did
You left me to fight and die on my own
To struggle and ache and bleed and really,
Could anything be sweeter than hearing your voice?

That smile
You've come back
And right now, it doesn't matter that it's too late
We were always good at pretending

I forgot how easy it was
How you read my mind
The way it feels so right
Just to have you here

I forgot about him

I forgot that he never left me
I forgot that he never gave up on me
I forgot that he loved me without a soul
What a funny thing memory is

I think I was right about losing my mind

Last night, he was my anchor
And he chased away my nightmares
Like you used to do

Neither of us knew what to say
So we didn't
I couldn't seem to tell him
Just how much it meant
How much it still means

Slayers are such a fickle lot
I loved you once
I know that, with everything in me
I love you still
But it's not the same

So why does it feel so right?
And yet so wrong….

Once upon a time
I'd have my best friends to talk to
My mother and sister to talk to
About my hopeless love life

But, of course, back then
Things were so much simpler
I wasn't in the fight of my life
Wasn't living so close to the edge that I could
Taste sweet death, blessed release

We will fight, and we may die
It's what I was born for
Chosen for

In the meantime
My body aches, but will heal
My mind is crazy, but strong
My heart is falling off a cliff into a rocky ravine
And two men stand ready to catch it

But one is looking behind him
To the new life he's built
And the other is too scared to move
Afraid my heart would rather fall
Than be in his hands

Ah, my foolish immortals
How I love them
How I hate them
How they have shaped me

If they survive
And I die
I wonder if they will remember me
Ten, Fifty, Two hundred years from now

Will it be with a pang of love lost?
Or bitter resentment, or anger?

Does it matter?
What matters is fighting
Strength and power and pain
Love has too many shades of gray

I wonder if I'll even survive to love anyone

Maybe after…
What frail hope I leave him
All the words I couldn't say
The kiss I couldn't give
The one I give to you

I don't think I'll ever understand
The choices I make and don't make
It's all instinct, what keeps me alive
But maybe, I'm starting to think

Matters of the heart should be more carefully decided