Disclaimer: I do not, nor did I ever own Resident Evil. If I did, I would probably throw the zombies a party and give them prosthetic human organs and limbs to munch on. Blood makes pretty good punch too, if you know what I mean.

Note: This is a spoof based off of an inside joke between me and my friend… If you have a –problem- with spoofed horror… :stares at the easily offended people: … then I suggest that you quickly turn away and refrain from reading this—you'll just be wasting a few minutes of you life over something that you're just going to get upset at.

Setting: Mansion—duh. Night—duh… Time—I haven't gotten through the entire game—so this is set a little after you get the armor key, methinks, for all of you that –have- played this game before.

Jill breathed heavily as she cautiously lowered her handgun, watching the grimy being writhe, groaning on the ground before her. The hallway had been dark—much too dark to see and she had been ferociously attacked from behind.

"…Stay down… ugly thing…" she muttered, her voice quivering in fear. She was quickly beginning to run out of bullets and a lone dagger was all that she had left to defend herself with. A few moments later, the monster made no movements at all, obviously momentarily down, quite likely to return later in a larger fit of fury. She couldn't allow that to happen again. Being careless in this mansion meant certain death—of which she had almost experienced several times now.

She would have to incinerate it now… Might as well—if she really wanted to feel semi-safe just walking into the room, if in the event she had to return for some reason. After another moments pause, she held her breath and bit her trembling lower lip, slowly kneeling down to spread a bit of kerosene over the rotting body. As brave as she was to actually be traveling through a mansion, alone no less, she could hardly stand to look over the features of the horrendous monsters.

Flipping the cap of her lighter over to produce a steady flame, she slowly lowered it down onto the lifeless being, glancing at it one more time to see it's yellow-brimmed red eyes staring right at her. Gasping softly, she quickly pulled the lighter away and closed it, scrambling to her feet. Taking a deep breath, she watched the body burn, those red eyes oozing out onto the floor, the skin seeming to melt in on itself and the tattered clothes burning away. She took another step back as a sickly colored bodily fluid leaked from the being's chest. She finally turned away, deciding that she was going to be rather sick if she watched anymore. It was dead—and it was never coming back.

Now I just have to find Barry again…I could really use some ammo. Jill thought to herself as she hurriedly made her way around the U-shaped hallway and down the stairs. A light thud could be heard nearby, causing the woman to stop in her tracks, midway down the stairs. Slowly looking up towards the ramshackle window, she took a few moments to stare up at it her thoughts racing. "…A… dog?" she whispered aloud, taking a step lower. All was silent after that.

Jill sighed in slight relief, though she still had her suspicions. "… Just the wind…" she told herself as she started down the stairs again and began down the hallway. Pulling one of the mansion keys from the pouch on her belt, she stopped at the last door in the hallway and slipped the key inside the keyhole, holding her breath as she turned the knob and opened it slowly.

"Barry… Wesker…anyone… Please be nearby." She whispered pleadingly under his trembling breath as she peeked into the hallway on the other side. All was dark—but nothing could be seen. Nothing lethal. Wow… that's a first. She thought with a raised eyebrow. Not a disgusting dribbling being in sight, but a sudden rather loud tapping sound changed her mind, and within one single movement, her gun was out in front of her aimed directly down the dark hallway towards the supposed source of the sound.

"Who's there!" Jill absently shouted her voice much louder than she meant for it to be as she took a step forward. There was no response, no sound; not a moan, nor the loud footsteps of a stumbling living dead, but Jill not once let her guard down. Something was nearby and she knew it.

More tapping could be heard and the vivid shadow of a figure was cast upon the wall, lit by the dim moonlight through the pouring rain. Noticing this, Jill pressed up against the opposite wall, her eyes locked upon the shadow, watching it's hand tap repetitively against the window.

"Not today, buddy…" Jill muttered as she cocked her gun upwards, her finger tightening on the trigger as she leaped out into the windows light and aimed her gun at the source of the tapping shadow. She was just about to pull the trigger when a voice from outside stopped her, causing her to throw it a nervous, yet inquiring look.

"What…?" she whispered aloud, her gun still aimed at the figure as she squinted her eyes to inspect this thing closer. "...C…Chris!" she exclaimed, surprised and slightly perturbed at her sudden discovery.

And sure enough, there was Chris, his body pressed up against the window, the side of his face looking rather distorted and his lips overly puffed out to the side. His arms now looked as if they had been flailed up against the window. He grinned at her, more than likely wanting to get inside, so why not do it in a way to scare Jill—who was more than likely working much harder than he had been.

"Idiot…" Jill muttered as she continued down the hall, completely ignoring Chris's sudden calls to her. The last thing she heard was a resounding yelp from Chris before she entered another room.

Blood was splattered against the window. . .

The End.

Erm… Alright. That was pretty weird, and originally, I was going to use Barry instead of Chris, since he was the one that mainly contributed to the joke. We don't like Barry very much. :snickers: But Chris is just a coward.