"Okay, okay" Aaron Hotchner said, gazing at his eldest children, Emily and Derek, in near desperation. "Let's go over this again. And, this time, lets get it right."
"Not going to happen" chirped 7-year-old Penelope.
"No, no, I got this" Emily assured her father. "So, Mr. Gideon comes and knocks on the door - and then I go and answer the door -"
"No, no" Aaron shook his head, and closed his eyes. "Derek opens the door, Emily. You take his coat."
"What if he doesn't have a coat?" Penelope asked. "Then what does Emily take? I don't think he would like it very much if she took his shirt."
Derek let out a snort of laughter.
"Whats so funny?" Penelope looked confused. "He wouldn't like it, would he? I think he'd like it even less if you took his pants..."
"No ones taking anyones pants" Aaron said, shooting the snickering Derek a stern look.
"What about underwear?" he chuckled.
"Alright, alright" Aaron berated. "Be serious, please. This dinner is the only barrier between me and that premotion at the BAU - and I really need that premotion."
"'Need' and 'want' are two very different things" Penelope chirped.
"I know that, Pen" Aaron said, gently. "But I very much, want this job. And my want is so strong that it transforms into need."
"That's not how it works!" Penelope protested. "Spencer explained it all to me!"
"Where is Spencer?" Aaron wondered. "Spencer? SPENCER?" he called out. There was no answer.
"Oh for God's sake..." he groaned.
"Don't use God's name in vain, Daddy" Penelope chided. Derek smirked and shot her a thumbs up. Emily smiled ever-so-slightly.
"Emily, would you go and see what your brother is up to?" Aaron asked.
"Sure" she said, exiting the room. Aaron sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Alright then, Derek" he said, turning to his eldest son. "Let's go over this again. So - you open the door..."
"Spencer's not in his room, dad" Emily called, from upstairs.
"What do you mean he's not upstairs?" he demanded. "Of course he is!"
"Actually, he's in your study. On the computer" Penelope interjected. Aaron turned to stare at her.
"What's he doing there? I told him he wasn't allowed to go on the computer after he went and looked up women's lingerie on the internet last week."
"I told you it wasn't for me" said a voice, from the doorway. The family turned to see a small boy with scruffy brown hair and dark doe-eyes standing in the doorway. "It was for my friend, Adam. Or 'Amanda' as he sometimes calls himself. Or herself, I suppose, seeing as 'Amanda' is a girl. But not really a girl because he still has male genitals, and in order to be a girl you need female genitals. But he sometimes thinks he's a girl, so we just let him believe it. It's better for everyone, that way."
"Oh Spencer, there you are" Emily exclaimed, appearing in the doorway.
"Spencer" Aaron said, blinking as he tried to take in everything his son had just said. Spencer had a habit of being a bit overwhelming for a person with a normal-sized-brain (everyone) to bear, at times. "The fact remains that I told you, no going on the internet. What you did was inappropriate -"
"So your saying, that helping a friend in need is inappropriate?" Spencer argued.
"Well, no" Aaron said, shaking his head. "That's not what I said -"
"Adams father isn't supportive of his feminine needs" Spencer said, narrowing his eyes. "I was trying to be the pillar of support he so desperately longs for. I thought you of all people would understand that Daddy. I guess I was wrong."
"Spencer" Aaron groaned. "What I am trying to say is - and would you please stop interrupting me - that I am not comfortable with my six-year-old son looking up pictures of women's lingerie, whether for a friend or not."
Aaron was so entranced in what he was saying that he didn't notice both Derek and Emily leave the room. He also didn't notice the front door opening, or the sound of Emily's voice saying "would you like me to take your coat?"
"Are you judging me Daddy?" Spencer asked, narrowing his eyes. "Or are you judging Adam?"
"Spencer. No one is judging anyone" Aaron ground out. "All I am saying is, I don't want you doing anything like that again. You hear me?"
"But what if Adam asks me to?" Spencer argued. "Do you want me to say no and watch him slip into a blanket of despair?"
"Spence, in all honesty, I don't care what you do as long as it leads to you saying no - for crying out loud, how does Adam even know about lingerie?"
"I told him" Spencer said, blinking innocently.
"You -" Aaron spluttered. "How do you -"
" - How do I know?" Spencer cut him off. "I'm a genius, Daddy. I just know these things."
"...And this is the living room..."
Aaron's head snapped up at the sound of Emily's voice. His face paled when he saw who accompanied her.
"Jason!" he exclaimed, hurrying over. "What a pleasant surprise - I mean not a surprise, since I invited you here but...well you know..."
"It's nice to see you too, Aaron" Gideon interjected, smiling warmly.
"Wow" Penelope said, gazing at him with wide eyes. "He doesn't look scary at all. He's like a big kitty-cat. I don't know what you were so afraid of, Dad."
Aaron shot her a wide-eyed look, and then turned back to face Gideon.
"Kids" he laughed. "Gotta love 'em, right?" he smiled nervously.
"Daddy loves kids a lot" Spencer said, matter-of-factly. "And not just because he adopted so many. Actually, the adoption has nothing to do with it. It's a funny story really, how the adoptions all started - you see, Mommy had an ovulatory disorder."
"Spencer" Aaron warned, his eyes narrowing.
"This can be caused by a number of things" Spencer continued, ignoring his father. "A common, and rather boring one is 'hormonal problems.' I feel sorry for the women who experience this. No fun story to tell, you know?" he shook his head sadly. "The women with these next problems are much more fortunate. There could be a malfunction of the hypothalamus, or of the pituitary gland. Those are fun words to say - Emily used to teach me 'fun words' but then they weren't fun anymore, so I learned some on my own" Spencer beamed, proudly.
"Spencer" Aaron repeated. "I think that's enough."
"But I haven't finished!" he protested. "I've to tell you about premature menopause - no this is not what Mommy had. She was one of the more unfortunate ones, with a simple case of hormonal problems."
"Kid" Derek leaned forward and whispered in Spencer's ear. "Heres another fun word - myocardial infarction. Which is what Dad's going to get if you don't shut up."
However he reached out to ruffle Spencer's hair, which took out any bite in his words.
"Myocardial infarction" Spencer repeated. "A heart attack brought on by stress. Interesting."
"How about we go sit down?" Aaron suggested, a hint of desperation in is tone. "Dinner's ready and -" He paused as he saw Emily's head jerk upward. His brow furrowed in confusion.
Behind Gideon's turned back, Emily shook her head and made a furious slashing motion with her hand.
"Oooh" Penelope murmured. "Are we playing charades?"
Gideon turned to look at her in confusion, and Emily stopped abruptly.
"We aren't playing charades, Pen" Derek said, giving his little sister an amused look, before shooting a brief look of confusion at Emily.
"Oh, but can we?" pleaded Penelope. "I love that game! I want to be Princess Leia again!"
"You can't be Princess Leia" Spencer argued. "You just told us. That would defeat the purpose of the game!"
"But I want to be Princess Leia!" Penelope protested. "She's pretty."
"You can be Princess Leia" Aaron interjected. "Another time. Right now, it's dinner-time."
"Actually" Emily hedged. "...I think a game of charades would be an excellent idea. Don't you, Mr. Gideon?"
Gideon looked baffled.
"I...well...its been a while..."
"You haven't been missing anything" Spencer cut in. "It's sucks. They never guess what I am. It's infuriating."
"Kid, the last time we played, you pretended to be an atom. How do you except us to guess that?" Derek sighed.
"An atom?" Spencer exclaimed, incredulously. "I was a nucleus, thank you very much!"
"So can we play?" Penelope pleaded.
"Pen" Aaron said, sternly. "Now is not the time."
"But Emily said -"
"I know what Emily said" Aaron said, cutting her off. He eyed his eldest daughter. "But dinner will get cold -"
"It won't" Emily said, quickly. Spencer's head snapped towards his older sister, and his eyes narrowed suspiciously. Emily made a quick throat-slitting gesture with her hand, and quickly put it down when she saw her father turn his head back towards her. "I mean, theres still a bit I have to do."
"But Em" Aaron said, frowning slightly. "I sent you to work on dinner at least a good few hours ago..."
"Just a bit more time" Emily said, desperately. Aaron looked like he was going to say something, but paused when he noticed his daughters distressed tone.
"Em...is everything alright?" he asked, his brow furrowing in concern.
"Of course!" Emily exclaimed. "Everything's fine, everything's perfect, everything's dandy!"
Spencer tugged on Gideon's trouser leg.
"She always rambles when she's nervous" he stage-whispered.
"I just need a little more time" Emily continued. She smiled widely at her father. "Is that alright?"
Aaron stared a his daughter scrutinizingly for a few moments. Emily wilted ever-so-slightly under his gaze.
"Well" he said, slowly. "I guess a game of charades wouldn't be so bad..."
"No" Spencer almost wailed.
"Well then, Jason? Why don't I allow you to experience a classic Hotchner Game Night" Aaron said, smiling widely (and nervously).
"I'm sure it'll be a blast" Gideon said, smiling politely.
As the rest of the family were occupied with the thought of a game night, Emily snuck away to the kitchen. Derek glanced at her momentarily, and couldn't hide his curiosity.
"Em?" he called out, walking to the kitchen and standing outside. "Everything alright?"
"Fine, fine." Emily stepped out and Derek couldn't help but noticed the flustered expression on her face.
"...You forgot to cook dinner, didn't you?"
"On the contrary" Emily said, after a moment of hesitation. "It's quite the opposite. I, uh...didn't even notice the smoke until Dad mentioned dinner..."
"The smoke?" Derek repeated, incredulously. "What smoke?"
"...The smoke coming out from under the door?" Emily said, meekly. "It stopped, as of five minutes ago. I turned off the oven...unfortunately it was too late to save the turkey..."
Derek pushed past her and headed into the kitchen, immediately groaning when he noticed the blackened mess on the kitchen table.
"Dad is going to kill you..."