Moe's Problems
Disclaimer i own nothing
Chapter 1
Monday
Homer walked into an empty Moe's only the owner himself was in the room. He thought about it but then quickly forgot. He walked over to the bar and sat on his favorite stool.
"Moe beer now" he said.
"Sorry Homer, bars closed" Moe said, "The health inspector shut me down after he discovered my bug problem".
"Bug problem?" Homer asked, "What happened to the rat problem?"
"Bug ate all the rats" Moe replied, wiping the counter off.
"How can - " He began, but the bathroom door burst open and Barney Gumble burst through and slammed it shut as a large insectoid leg came through.
"Moe it ate the broom!" Barney shouted, pushing on the door with all his might, "Bug spray only makes it mad!" the bug slammed against the door, launching Barney through the air, out the door. The large cockroach scurried out the bathroom door, Moe and Homer ran out the door..
"The dirty bastard !" Moe shouted, looking through the window, "Now there's more of em, he's giving out free booze!" Homer watched as Moe glared at the bug through the stained window. He thought about something to say but due to the years of drinking, over eating and hours of mind numbing TV he couldn't really process the words. Luckily for him Barney chimed in.
"Why not call an exterminator?" he asked, Moe turned around and slapped the back of the drunk's head.
"Bug spray only makes it mad!" Moe shouted.
"Yeah but they got this new super bug killer" Barney said, "It kills bugs and hobo's, Mr. Burns said so".
"Really, that's great… except the homeless thing" Homer said, "What else have ya got to lose Moe?"
"Nothin really" he replied, "Lets do it".
Five minutes later the exterminator arrived, he pulled a tank out of the back of his truck and strapped it on his back.
"In there?" he asked, the three men nodded. He walked through the door, seconds later they heard the sounds of fighting, the door opened and the bugs tossed the exterminator, minus the tank out the door.
"Where's the tank?" Moe asked, his question was answered by Barney.
"There passin it around like a big bong" he said, looking through the window again. Moe gritted his teeth and kicked the exterminator in the gut as he tried to stand up.
"Any other bright ideas?" Moe asked, glaring at the other two.
"Uh maybe Apu has something we can use" homer suggested, Moe sighed in defeat.
"Okay let go see" he said, and began walking down the sidewalk with Homer and Barney. They arrived at the Kwik-E-Mart. They enter and the Indian clerks greets them.
"Greetings gentlemen, how may I help you?" he asks.
"Well my bar's full of giant roaches" Moe said, "We called an exterminator, but the bugs took his tank and usin it as a bong. Do ya have any bug killer that good?"
"Yes" Apu replied, "Follow me" he led them into the backroom, back against the wall was a rocket launcher, beside a pile of rockets.
"These rockets are packed with twelve different bug killers mixed together" Apu said, "Enough to kill a bull elephant" Moe gave him a skeptical look.
"How much?".
"I only ask that you give me the carcasses" Apu replied, "I need the meat for Kwik-E-dogs". the three men loaded up the rockets and launcher in Homer's car before driving back to Moe's. along the way Homer spoke.
"We should test one of the rockets" he said, pulling the car over beside a herd of cattle in a field. They loaded the launcher before firing, the cows were engulfed in a cloud of green gas. When it cleared there was only skeletons standing where living bovine were seconds before.
"Uh oh" they said together and leaped into the car and sped off. Arriving at the bar they loaded the launcher again and kicked in the door.
"Reach for the - hey their gone" Homer said, looking around the room.
"Yeah and they took everything!" Moe shouted, they heard a noise outside. They went to see the bugs loading the stolen things in the back of a truck.
"There they are!" Moe shouted and grabbed the launcher, "Gimme that!" he fired the rocket, and hit the building behind it. It collapsed, the bugs looked shocked and climbed into the truck, driving away.
"Their getting away!" Homer shouted, "To my car!" they climbed in and gave chase. They followed the bugs onto the freeway, Barney sat on the windowsill, firing rocket after rocket at the moving truck, which kept swerving.
"Faster Homer faster!" Moe shouted, "Their gettin' away go faster!".
"It's called the speed limit Moe - " he was cut off as Moe switched seats and slammed on the gas pedal. Barney was shook from his seat, he placed the launcher on the roof and began to steady himself. But the sudden gain of speed knocked him from the car, he rolled down the highway.
"Barney!" Homer shouted, leaning out the window, "Moe we lost -".
"Yeah I know Homer!" he replied, "Take over the launcher!" Homer sat on the windowsill and grabbed the launcher and fired, the rocket struck the rear tires and axel. The truck fell back on the ground, dragging behind it. The bug driving lost control and leaped from the cab of the truck. As it flew through the air another truck drove up and splattered it on the windshield. The truck slid to a stop, the remaining bugs crawled out and scurried off. Moe pulled the car over and ran over to the truck and lifted up the door.
"Everything's here!" he shouted happily, "lets get this stuff back to the bar".
Two hours later found all the stuff back at the bar, and Barney stumbled in, covered in skid marks. He walked into the bathroom. Moe poured Homer a glass of beer.
"Here Homer on the house" Moe said, "You deserve it".
"Wow Moe thanks" Homer relied, drinking slowly to savor the taste, "Free beer" he began drooling when Barney burst through the bathroom door and shut it as a giant rodent claw came though.
"Moe the rat's are back!" Barney shouted, "The traps don't work!".
END CHAPTER 1
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