Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, or its characters, I am just borrowing them. I'll give them back… someday, maybe, if you're lucky.

(Meryl's POV)

He left again. Simple as that, he just got up, in the middle of the fucking night, and left me. Again. It's not even like this is the first time either, oh no, the Human Typhoon has done this to me over three times this past month alone. And I am so damn sick of it. I'd like to say I'm sick of him, but in all honesty, I'm not. If I really wanted to tell the truth, I'd have to say I love him. I am in love with Vash the Stampede.

But love has nothing to do with this, after all, he certainly doesn't love me. He can't, I'm not even sure the man knows what love is, not real, man to woman love. After all, he's still got the mind of a child, a hurt child. After all, he was barely shown love at all in his life. The only person to ever really love him unconditionally was Rem, his makeshift mother. God bless the woman. Without her, who knows what Vash would be like today. Just think, there could have been two Knives instead of one.

Just thinking of that man makes me shudder. An involuntary spasm, a tingly sensation inching its way up my spine, and I have no way to control it. Being out of control kills me, that's why I hate drinking. That's why I could never watch Millie and Vash, and Wolfwood, when he was with us… that's why I couldn't just stand back and watch as they got themselves so hammered they didn't even know their own names. They reminded me so much of my father. My father...

I couldn't stand it, watching him waste away; I couldn't watch as he killed himself with whiskey and beer, drowning his sorrows in alcohol, it killed me too. That's why I can't even stand the smell of beer; why even the sight of a whiskey bottle makes my stomach turn. I watched as my father slowly killed himself, and my whole damn family, with alcohol.

And of course, that spiky haired idiot had to be a bar fly. Of course, growing up with an alcoholic wasn't enough, oh no, I had to fall in love with one too. Isn't that just my shitty luck? To be constantly surrounded by booze hounds. To have to always be the voice of reason, the designated driver, the spoil sport. Do they think I actually enjoy being such a control freak? Do they think I like being their mothers? Being the little voice in the back of their minds saying "Put the damn beer down, you drunken fool! Nine is enough!" I hate it! I absolutely hate it!

I hate it, and yet I find myself doing it more and more. It's like these people, my friends, it's as if they have no conscious thoughts in their brains besides "Let's get piss-ass drunk!" I wish they would grow up already! I'm sick of being the only responsible one in this group! I want to cut loose sometimes too! I want to relax and have fun too! But if I take a break, nothing will ever get done. Why me?

But, as I was saying, Vash has left me again. I can't believe him, no wait, I take that back completely. I can believe him, after all, he's the man who blew a gigantic hole into the fifth moon and ran away from me and hid for two years. Those were the most horrible years of my life. Not knowing if he was alive or dead, lying bleeding in the street somewhere… I nearly went insane.

But I won't let him escape, not this time. Oh no, I have a job to do, and damn it, I plan on doing it! After all, if I have to be the mother and the responsible one and all that, then I sure as hell won't let some drunkard ruin my pristine track record. Oh hell no, I've worked too damn hard to let Vash the Stampede ruin my reputation. I'll find him and drag his narrow ass back here if it's the last thing I do!

The end! Of chapter one that is. More to come later, when I feel inspired. Next chapter to come will have Vash's POV… By the way, this is set after Wolfwood dies, but before the last episode… Somehow. Don't ask how, just trust me. An actual plot might be coming next chapter, I hope. Review if you like it. I REFUSE TO BEG FOR REVIEWS!