AUTHOR'S NOTE: SO I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT THIS IS. HAHA. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. IT TAKES PLACE AFTER THE SERIES FINALE.

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL SEASON TWO WOULD HAVE ENDED THAT WAY.

CHAPTER ONE: FUCKING JESSE ST. JAMES

He was pretty sure his legs were going to give out on him. It didn't matter that he had been running this far every day since he got back from New York three weeks ago. It was like his legs refused to believe that they could handle the 10 mile run he continued to put them through first thing every morning. His heart was pounding so hard in his ears that he almost couldn't hear his music over it. Still it was a shit ton better than thinking about Rachel Berry and her perfect tits and legs that despite the fact that she was practically a midget went on for forever. Fuck how is it he always thought about her? No matter what the fuck he did he couldn't help but think about her except for miles 6 to 9 where he was so damn tired all he could think about is how the fuck Forrest Gump could have run across the country. Still as soon as he finished up mile 9 and was looping past their synagogue he of course started thinking about her again.

The shift in their relationship had started way before the New York trip. In fact it started over a year ago. That day when she washed the slushy out of his hair, he knew that he would never be able to get past her because when she looked at him it was like she didn't see him as the Lima Loser that Quinn proclaimed him to be. That didn't seem to last long though and so that day in the stands he pretended that their breakup was fine by him. After all he was a fucking man and men didn't cry when bite sized loudmouths picked Finn Hudson because after all everybody in Lima fucking Ohio would pick Finn. And so he resolved to do something completely out of character and be a good friend to Rachel. She sat with him and his mother at synagogue. He cleaned out her pool and watched the Ohio State game with her fathers, who actually seemed to like him. Every once in a while when no one from New Directions was around he even actually called her Rachel instead of Berry and he stopped shooting her looks when she called him Noah. It worked. It would have been more fun to make out and try to convince her to let him under her shirt but still it was almost fun being friends with her.

Still Finn was jealous. He didn't trust that Puck could just be friends with Rachel. So he took it one step further and for the most part stopped hanging with Berry. Hell he even told Finn how to fucking get Rachel back. And then he saw them making out on the stage like they weren't in the middle of trying to win fucking Nationals. It hurt. It probably hurt more than when Berry picked the fucking tall bastard the first time around. That last week of school he succeeded at avoiding them like the fucking plague. Since then he'd found himself running every morning because it was the only activity that distracted him. If this had been two years ago he would have coaxed one of his favorite cougars into the sack and that would have been enough. At this rate an orgy couldn't keep him from imaging what it would feel like to have Berry's legs wrapped around his waist and her hands worshipping his abs.

He took a deep breath as he rounded the corner that signaled the last half mile to his house. He pretended not to notice Mrs. Jennings beckoning him in what he could only guess was an attempt to coax him into her bed. Instead he waved quickly and sped up a little. By the time he reached his yard he was drenched in sweat and thought he might have died at least twice. Plus he couldn't stop fucking thinking about Rachel Berry. Why couldn't the universe just cut him a break for once in his fucking life? Why couldn't he have fallen for a girl who wasn't madly in love with his gentle giant of a best friend?

"Noah!" His mother called from the kitchen.

"Not now Ma," he hollered as he raced up the stairs. He knew she was going to ask why he didn't go synagogue. He also eventually knew she'd end up bringing up Rachel and the last thing he felt like was talking about this shit with her. In fact he would probably be more comfortable talking about why his father fucking walked out on them. He threw open the door to his room and was in the middle of pulling off his shirt when he suddenly realized that he was not alone. "Holy shit!"

"Hello to you too," Jesse greeted. He was kneeling in front of Puck's bookshelf checking out his impressive vinyl collection. "Your collection is impressive."

"What the fuck are you doing in my room dude?" Apparently his mother wasn't trying to ask him about synagogue. "And how the fuck did you know where I live?"

Jesse smiled that condescending smirk that only Rachel and Shelby found particularly endearing. "My aunt is Pepper Wallace."

Puck's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "No shit."

Jesse was used to this reaction when he talked about his mother's youngest sister. While her good looks hadn't been enough to get her a career in Hollywood it had been enough to score her a mansion and a husband that made millions. It also was enough to ensure that she was featured in at least one issue of the Lima Ledger every week.

"Your aunt is fucking hot. She taught me a lot." Puck wouldn't even call Pepper a cougar. She was more than that. Until Rachel she was probably the hottest fucking woman he'd ever laid eyes on. She was seasoned enough that she didn't mind telling him just how she liked it which in turn made him better in the sack than any high school kid should ever be.

"I bet she did," Jesse remarked in a tone that suggested he knew why exactly his aunt's face lit up when he mentioned Puck's name. "Anyway I didn't come here to discuss Pepper. I know it was you."

"For once St. James I can guarantee that whatever shit you think I did it wasn't actually me."

"Oh but you did," Jesse declared. "You are the one who told Finn how to win back Rachel."

For weeks it had been driving Jesse crazy. He just knew that Finn wasn't smart enough to come up with such a romantic plan himself. If there was one thing Jesse knew it was that Finn was actually as dumb as he looked. Then the other day he was talking with Rachel about Bette Midler when she suddenly remarked that she hadn't talked to Puck recently and then for some reason it all just clicked. He'd never been particularly quick at solving puzzles but after years of watching musicals he could recognize when someone was desperately in love with someone despite trying to hide it. He saw through Puckerman.

Puck tensed and stared at the record in Jesse's hands. Of course it was fucking Barbara Streisand. The first time Rachel convinced him to let her in his room she'd found that album. She'd stared at him in awe. He'd mumbled that it used to be his mom's and that being Jewish practically legally required you to be a fan of Babs. She didn't tease him like anyone else he knew would have. Instead all she did was ask where his record player was. "Why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No, it isn't."

"I care about Rachel. I know that my actions haven't always suggested that, but I do. She's passionate, beautiful, and talented. I want her to be happy even if it isn't with me." The fact that he felt this way terrified Jesse. He'd never been good at thinking about anyone other than himself. He was impossibly selfish and until he met Rachel Berry he thought that that just meant he had what it took to be a star. Once he got over his anger, sadness, and dismay that she picked Finn he realized that it wasn't because she hadn't picked him, but really just that he knew Finn would drag her down like an anchor.

Puck did his best to hide his surprise. While he still wasn't a fan of St. James he had learned to actually stand the dudes presence. He knew that there had to be something Rachel saw in him. She wasn't nearly as naïve as the rest of the group declared she was. Maybe he actually wasn't as bad as Finn constantly swore up and down he was.

"She misses you Puck. When we first went to dinner and caught up she spent half of the meal talking about you. I was surprised when she actually admitted that she was still pining for Finn because it definitely didn't sound that way. She told me about her nose and how you convinced her that it gave her character. She told me everything."

"He's my best friend."

"Listen I've been as kind as I can physically be in one day and I need to judge Britney's cat so I'm going to be blunt. Finn Hudson is a moron who'll never leave the state of Ohio for more than two weeks. You and Rachel are two good looking Jews who have this whole cliché connection going on. People say I'm an asshole because I put my wants and needs first. I see it as me just having the confidence to go after what I want. Go after Rachel. Letting Finn win is going to lead you to being a miserable womanizer whose closest friend is someone he can barely stand. Even I the guy with no legitimate friends recognizes how unhealthy of a situation that is."

"Dude I'm just trying to be a better man. I've already played the role of douchebag who steals his best friend's girl. I took it a step further and knocked her up too. I'm tired of playing that role."

"You already are the better man Puck. Take it from me. You should know that I'm not exactly forthcoming with the compliments unless I actually mean them or I've got something to gain from them." Jesse replaced the record before standing. "So this was nearly a worthwhile way to spend an hour. I'll tell Pepper you said hi."

Puck watched as Jesse left his room in such dramatic fashion he thought maybe Jesse would have been better off trying to go out with Kurt instead of Rachel. He shook his head and sighed before stripping off his clothes and climbing into the shower. He tried to do what he usually enjoyed doing in the shower especially since it had been months since the last time he'd gotten any. He thought about Pepper Wallace and her fake tits that she barely fit in the impossibly small bikinis that she strutted around in whenever he cleaned out the pool. Somehow though in the middle of thinking about Pepper's tits he found himself imaging Rachel's legs and the next thing he knew it was Rachel's voice moaning his name. He sighed and cursed Jesse St. James for showing up and complicating his already irritating fucking life.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: SO WHAT DID YOU THINK? I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE TO SAY. SHOULD I CONTINUE? PART OF ME WANTS TO LEAVE IT AND ANOTHER PART OF ME THINKS I SHOULD ADD ONE MORE CHAPTER. LET ME KNOW. ALSO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FINALE? SIIIIIGH! – KRISTINE.