I haven't been here for a while, reading yes, but no writing. I wrote this story after the show where Patrick loses his memory. Hope that it isn't to soapy.

I of course do not own the show, or the characters, I just use them and return them well and happy.

DRL

Jane stood at the open door, his eyes still focused on the smiley face on the wall of the room. How could he have forgotten his family and the part he played in their death? As though from a long distance away, he hears Lisbon from behind him.

"I'm sorry Jane" Lisbon said not knowing what else to say. She knew the doctor said that it would all come back to Jane, it would just take time. The team and she needed the Jane that had become a part of their family. She prayed that she had not made a huge mistake. She walked over to the man standing in the doorway and put her hand on his arm. She felt him tense up as he still looked at the Smiley face.

In a quiet voice, but filled with ice "Lisbon go away" he voice broke as he spoke to her. "Let me have some time alone."

Lisbon's heart broke at that; remembering what he had said at the hospital. "Why can't you let me just be happy?" "So you want me to wait in the car?" she says quietly.

He removes her hand from his arm and still not looking at her "No, I'm going to stay here for a while." He says in almost a whisper surprised that he was able to even talk, his throat not wanting to work, his body almost willing to fall to his knees.

He hears Lisbon walking away from him, but he didn't turn to watch her. Hearing her steps he listens as she went down the stairs slowly, and he hears the door close behind her as she leaves the house.

There was no sound in the house, only his breathing was all he could hear. He looks at the drawing on the wall and slowly sinks to the floor, tears coming down his face, he doesn't bother to wipe them away.

This house was once filled with light, laughter and love. A place he always looked forward to coming home in the evening. His wife and daughter were also there smiling and happy to see him. Now the house was always a dark place to come back to. There was no sound from the family he once had, and it was rare that he even came here. He had the motel room, and it was a long trip from Sacramento to the house of the dead.

When he came "home" it was as though the ghost of his family called to him, and driving him down in a dark depression. The motel bleak as it was kept him from the darkness, but he still had the dreams that woke him screaming.

Not bothering to stand up, he crawls over to the mattress on the floor and rolls over on it. He was tired, but he knew sleep would not come to him tonight.

He thought about what Van Pelt kept telling, to let God help him, to let some of the sorrow fade away. She was trying so hard to make him into a better man than he would ever be. How many times has he told her there was no God. She would smile and turn back to her computer to work. Again tears came down his face, and he cried about the family he once had, for the guilt he felt every day, how for the last few days he was happy. How could he just forget his wife and child?

"Okay God, if you are really there, make me understand why my family and not me. Why leave me alone without them beside me." He yells out in a loud voice. He quietly laid there waiting for an answer he knew would never come until a voice near him said. "It is not for you to understand, their journey was not for you."

Jane sits up quickly and looks around the dark room. The voice was still clear as it echoed in his head. No person was in the room with him. He felt his heart beating quickly and a cold sweat on his body.

"Patrick I know what you feel, the pain and darkness. But you must trust in me that soon the pain will be not as bad as it is now, and will start to fade away."

"Oh that story that Van Pelt always tells me, that we will all be together." He laughs at that. "I don't even believe in you, this is just part of a dream I am having." Jane looks around at the empty dark room.

A few minutes pass and Jane lies back down on the bed. He sighs and starts to close his eyes, when he feels suddenly warm, like a blanket had fallen on top of him.

"That is alright son, I still believe in you." The voice fades away and Jane closes his eyes and for a long time he went to sleep and did not wake up from a bad dream.

A week later Lisbon is in her office, again working on reports that never seem to go away. The last week passed quickly and there was no communication between her and Jane. She hoped that soon she would hear from him, at least to let her know that he was alright. She kept hearing the words in her mind that he told her in the hospital "I'm happy, why you can't just let me be happy." There some mornings this week that she awoke wondering why she hadn't just let him go. A knock on the door stopped he thinking.

"Come in" she says, the door opens and Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby came into the room. Cho is carrying some envelopes.

"These came in the mail this morning, one for each of us." Cho says fanning out the envelopes for here to see. "They are from Jane."

Lisbon's heart almost stopped beating, was this the way he was going to say goodbye to her and the team, with a letter.

Rigsby takes one of the letters and looks at her as he opens the letter and reads it to her. "Rigby sorry for taking some money from your wallet. I have told you before that you need to put your wallet in a safer pocket." Rigsby looks up at Lisbon and smiles. "He returned the sixty three dollars he took" He puts the letter down on the desk.

Cho opens his letter and looks uncomfortable as he reads it out loud. "Cho, sorry about leaving you in that house after you let me have time alone in the bedroom. You were so kind and I took advantage of it."

Cho puts the letter down "I should have known better, after all I was dealing with Jane."

Lisbon smiles at that.

Van Pelt opens her letter "Have a great day my dear Grace. I have enjoyed some of our talks"

She folds the letter and puts it on the desk, not saying anything. Lisbon takes the last letter from Cho's hand and opens it and takes out the paper inside and reads it out loud. "Thank you for not giving up on me and not letting me stay as I was in my other life. The check in the envelope is for the amount of the bracelet I bought for the young lady I brought to the office. I'm not sure how you want to handle it to give back to the right people. I let the young lady keep the bracelet since it made her so happy." Jane.

"So how are you going to return the money" Cho says with a slight smile.

"I'm not sure how yet, just another problem Jane has left me with." Lisbon sighs

The three of them start to leave the room, when Van Pelt stops and looks back at Lisbon. "Do you think that he is going to come back?"

If she only knew the answer to that question. "I'll give him a couple more days and give him a call again."

Van Pelt nods at the answer and leave the office.

After a weekend off, Lisbon returns to the office early in the morning refreshed from have some time off. She walks into the office and stops. Smiling she sees Jane sitting on the couch with his cup of tea. He looks rested, and he gives her that smile he saves for her.

The End