I have long been a huge fan of Supernatural, and I decided to write something.
This was set after 'The Man Who Would Be King' since that's when it was written.
Enjoy :)
Playlist: Coldplay – Fix You
Disclaimer – I sadly to not own Supernatural, or any of these characters. If I did I wouldn't have screwed up the storyline as royally as they did.
"Am I on the right path?" Castiel cried out into the heavens, "You have to tell me, you have to give me a sign. Give me a sign." He plead, losing his faith as each second passed. "Because if you don't I'm gonna ch-… I'm gonna do whatever I… whatever I must." He stared into the sky, his eyes pleading with the faceless god that he has always trusted in.
He let his head fall.
He let the tears go, and they cascaded slowly, one by one, down his face. Then he heard a noise. Like the wind mad by an Angel's wings. His head snapped up and he was on his feet in a second.
Though Cas couldn't see anything, he knew that someone was there.
"I know you're there, there's no use hiding." He said, hesitantly. No one responded.
He kept turning, around and around, trying to pinpoint where this phantom presence was. Then he saw a light, a small, glittery, light, floating through the air at the edge of the forest. It was the consistency of smoke, but instead of dissipating, it just kept elegantly flowing through the air.
Castiel started to move towards it. Then he heard a voice. But not a voice really, as much as an idea. He knew was foreign – it wasn't his own, but he felt that it had superiority over him.
The idea was to not move. It said that this was the sign. And he could choose to believe it or to resign it to some Angel playing tricks on him. But either way, he had to make things right.
Castiel sat down, and the voice didn't stop. It told him that he wouldn't be able to survive this war without the Winchesters. It told him that they would be there for him. He'd been there so many times for them before, as long as he explained his situation, everything would be alright.
And then it was gone.
Castiel felt empty now that it was gone, but he also felt wiser, and more faithful than he had in a very long while. And with that Cas was gone.
When Cas left Dead went back to sleep. Exactly where he was before, same defensive pose.
And, when Castiel landed there he noticed that Dean hadn't even cared enough to fix the sigils on the windows, it was like he wanted Castiel to come back.
As soon as Cas entered the room, Dean knew, and again he awoke, and sat up on the couch.
"Hello Dean." Castiel said.
"You really need to stop doing this. You need to leave." Dean insisted.
"No. You still don't understand. "
"Yes. Castiel. I do." Cas didn't try to cover the pain that he felt. Dean never never called him Castiel.
"Then you would understand why I did it. You wouldn't be trying to lock me out of the house."
"Then maybe I don't understand. Because in my book, we would never work with demons."
"It's not like that Dean, you don't see the bigger picture."
"Oh, I see the bigger picture all right. All I see is the bigger picture. I wish I could look at the little picture for once, instead of having the whole damned world riding on my shoulders!"
"That's my point, Dean" Castiel said, pleading. "I don't want you to habe to save the world every other day. I did this so that you could be free. So you could live your life." Cas just stared at him, and it seemed his eyes could see through him, which they probably could.
"Okay." Dean said, hesitantly, "I understand that, but why did you have to work with Crowley to do it?"
Castiel sighed. He knew that this was the part that Dean probably wouldn't forgive him for. "You know that souls hold an extreme amount of power. That's why Crowley is so powerful; because hell contains a lot of souls." Cas paused. He couldn't seem to bring himself to say what he had done – he was having trouble admitting it, even to himself. And, now he could almost hear everything clicking together for Dean. "Heaven is the same way. The more souls, the more power. Souls, which would – have helped me in this war, and all I had to do was help him find purgatory."
Dean sprung up from the couch. Cas could see that what he'd said had made Dean defensive. "Souls?" Dean asked, harshly, "You mean people, Cas. People who died! They had families and lives, you can't just shuffle them around whenever you want. They deserve at least some respect! Don't forget Cas, I was one of those souls once."
"Dean I will never forget that you were one of those souls, but you have to remember, you're special. Also, it's not like doing this is going to be detrimental to them. Would you rather they waste away in hell, or exist happily in Heaven, even if it's only for a little while?" Cas stepped toward Dean, but Dean took a step back and crossed his arms, blatantly showing that he was getting defensive. Castiel closed his eyes in order to hold back the tears that he knew were coming. He'd never cried before, but he could finally understand why humans did it.
Dean sighed, "Okay then, big-shot, what's your plan for after you find purgatory?"
"I don't know yet." Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean.
Misty blues met emerald greens, and Dean dropped his arms to his sides. He could tell that the angel was torn up about what he'd done, and how Dean had reacted. Dean wasn't going to change his opinion, but he wasn't so hard-headed as to not be accepting. Hell – he'd gotten over Sam's drinking of demon blood, he could surely get over this.
Dean stepped forward and put his hands on Cas's shoulders. They just stared at each other, and finally one tear fell down the Angel's cheek. "Hey, man, don't cry. It'll be okay." Dean didn't know what to do. He hadn't ever made and Angel cry before. Dean tried to putting his arms around Cas, to comfort him. At first it was a bit awkward because Castiel didn't know what to do with his arms, but finally he embraced Dean, and sighed.
His tears kept falling, leaving saltwater stains on Dean's shirt. They finally separated, reluctantly for Cas, and just looked into each other's eyes.
Dean turned quickly on his heel, away from Castiel, and sat down on the couch. His head in his hands, he stared at the ground. "So, now what?" Dean asked, incredulously.
"Concerning what?" asked Cas, walking to the couch and sitting gracefully next to Dean.
He lifted his head. "Concerning the fact that you've pretty much made a deal with the devil – even if he's not the literal one - and you plan on opening the floodgates to who knows what." Dean stood up and assumed the defensive position of crossed arms.
"Why do you keep walking away from me?" Cas asked, looking at him with his head tilted, quizzical.
"I'm not, I'm just… I don't know." Dean plopped carelessly onto the couch. "I just don't know what I'm going to do."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, look at you. Look what I turned you into. When I first met you, you were this straight-shooting, righteous Angel of the Lord, who looked at everything in black and white, and now you're working with a demon!"
"Dean. Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doing, and where my faith lies."
"I'm not saying you're going to go crazy and turn evil, I'm saying that you're not the same person – Angel – you were before. And, as chick-flick-y as this may be, I feel entirely responsible for that." Dean let his grief and turmoil show on his face as he looked at Cas.
"Why can't you understand? Don't feel responsible for me doing this. I made my own decisions, and no matter how you may have influenced me, I am responsible for my actions – the good and the bad." Castiel looked into Dean's eyes. In addition to beaing abou to see the grief that Dean felt, he could feel everything that Dean felt. He could feel the betrayal, that he felt towards Cas, but he could also feel the relief, because he knew that everything was going to work out in the end.
And Castiel felt something else inside of Dean. Something he couldn't name, couldn't place. But, somehow, it was familiar to him. It was something that he was feeling as well.
Without even realizing it, their faces had migrated closer and closer. Then, with enthusiasm that he didn't know he had, Cas closed the gap between them.
Their lips moved together in a symphony of motion. It was like for the first time, a masterpiece was complete.
Castiel's hands were clutching the sides of Dean's face, and Dean's hands were clawing at the trenchcoat around Cas's waist. They could feel the longing in the other's touch.
They ended their kiss, lingering with their foreheads pressed together for a moment. Then the realization of what had just happened dawned on them both, and in an instant, Cas has vanished, and Dean felt terribly alone in the cold room.
Dean sighed. This was a first for him. First time kissing a guy. First time kissing a full blown Angel. But, it was not the first time that someone he'd kissed had gotten a little bit nervous. He had had multitudes of experience with that. But, this wasn't like all of those other times so, he proceeded with the utmost caution. "Cas, I know… This is confusing. I'm not mad, I… Cas, just come down here. We aren't finished talking."
Castiel appeared just as he was before, sitting next to him, looking a bit disheveled and pink in the face. Dean could tell that he was nervous – apprehensive. "I…" Cas didn't know what was appropriate to say in a situation like this, because, obviously, he'd never been in a situation like this. "I'm sorry."
"Cas, why are you sorry?"
Cas cocked his head slightly to the side. "I…" Again, Castiel, Angel of the Lord, was at a loss for words. He sighed. "I kissed you, Dean."
Dean chuckled. Cas felt a bit of relief flow through him. "We kissed. There's a difference."
"I don't see how."
"Saying that you kissed me means that it was your decision. Saying that we kissed means that it was a mutual decision."
Dean could almost hear the gears clicking away in Cas's brain as he was pondering what Dean had just said. Then his eyes lit up, and his whole body relaxed.
"You mean…" Cas left the sentence open for interpretation, still not sure of himself.
"I mean, it surprised me, that's for sure. But, I'm glad it happened." Dean looked at Cas, straight in the eye. "This whole thing has made me realize how much you mean to me, and how much it would hurt to lose you." He then put his hand lightly on Cas's cheek, caressing it. He then slowly leaned in, gauging Cas's reaction. Cas closed his eyes, and Dean followed suit. Their lips touched, and they savored the intimacy of it. It wasn't about passion this time. It was just about showing how much they cared. This tiny kiss held so much bottled up emotion.
Dean broke the kiss, laughing quietly to himself.
"Did I do something wrong?" Cas asked, looking worried.
Dean quickly softened his expression, making sure that Castiel was comfortable. "No, Cas, everything's great. It's just… You're an Angel. And I'm a man. Not to mention the fact that you're a man too." Dean smiled.
"Technically I'm neither a man nor a woman; I just have a male vessel."
"I know that. It's just really weird to think about. Besides, I love you just the way you are."
"You… love me?" The room was completely silent.
"I… didn't mean for it to come out that way. But, yeah, I guess I do." Dean smiled at Castiel and gently kissed him once again.
As their foreheads rested together Cas said, "I think I love you too." And then he smiled.
When Cas smiled it was like he was a literal kid in a candy shop. It lit up his whole face. The fact that he didn't smile much meant that when Dean saw his smile, it was like laying eyes on one of the 7 wonders of the world.
"You're so cute, you know that?" Dean chuckled, and then kissed Cas.
Castiel hadn't known that. And it made him feel special, in a new and exciting way.
And they proceeded to create a make-shift bed on the ground of Bobby's study, where they slept that night. Just slept, holding each other.
So, what'd you think?
Please Review!
Also, I have no intention of continuing this… I just wanted to write a little bit of Destiel fluff. :)