Taking Control

Disclaimer: don't own these characters

iWillow, Oz and Xander are starting to feel as if they are excess baggage in Buffy's eyes; after being told to sit on the sidelines one too many times the three friends come to an agreement.

Buffy-bashing- kind of, it depends how you look at it. It's more on what Buffy had done wrong and what the others think of her decisions. It's sorta Buffy-bashing and sorta NOT./i

Set after the 'Fear, itself' episode in season 4

bPart 1; nightly thoughts/b

Dream

iWillow: "You're telling me? You're telling me?!"
Buffy: "I can't do my job if I have to worry about each of your safety."
Willow: "It's not your decision!"
Buffy: "Got to disagree with you there."
Willow: "Oh, of course you do."
Xander: "Let's all take a breath. Buffy, maybe..."
Willow: "Being the Slayer doesn't automatically make you boss. You're as lost as the rest of us."
Oz: "What are we talking about?"
Willow: "It's a simple incantation, a guiding spell for travelers when they become lost or disoriented."
Buffy: "And how does it work?"
Willow: "It conjures an emissary from the beyond that – lights the way."
Buffy: "Conjuring. Will, let's be realistic here. Okay, your basic spells are usually only fifty-fifty."
Willow upset: "Oh yeah? Well, - so is your face!"
Willow walks off while Buffy tries to figure out what that meant: "What?! (Walks after Willow) What does that mean?"
Willow turns around: "I'm not your sidekick!"/i

end dream

Willow opened her eyes blearily, then she looked at the digital clock. It read 4:34am. The redhead sighed and rolled over, pushing her face into the cool side of the pillow, "Stupid dream," she mumbled into the pillow.

Ever since that fight with Buffy she'd been going over what was said ever since, she probably shouldn't; but she was a thinker, she thought too much which unfortunately led to getting all angry and stuff.

It was moments like this, with only the darkness and rustling of the trees outside to keep her company, that lead to these thought-fests. She sighed and rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling as Buffy's words washed over her, she scowled slightly.

"If I can't help Buffy fight what's the point of me being here?" she asked quietly to no one in particular. "I stayed in this heck-hole to help her, but she won't let me. So, why am I here?"

No answer came, "Well, of course you wouldn't answer," she said looking up. "You're just a stupid wall, you can't talk." Then she faltered. "A-at least I hope you can't, but this is the Hellmouth and all…please don't talk."

As strange as things do get, Rosenberg, I don't think the wall's gonna talk back!

Hey, this is Sunnydale. Anything could happen.

"Exactly, I'm putting myself in danger for Buffy; and so are Xander and Oz," said Willow furiously. "And she so obviously doesn't want us here; are we just for Buffy's ego, just her sidekicks!?

She HATED being thought of as a sidekick, she hated the thought of her boyfriend and her best-friend-since-birth being only Buffy's mangy lapdogs; they were worth more than that, right?

Xander, while he doesn't have any powers, makes up for it with his heart and his loyalty; and although maybe she didn't quite express it enough, she'd always trusted Xander more than Buffy. He had been her best friend since the age of three, they'd gone through all of life's adversity together. Bad parents, dangerous town; dying classmates…dying Jesse.

Most of the reason why they'd signed up for this job in the first place was because Jesse had died, it would have been an insult to his memory if they'd just walked away from the fight.

Willow sighed as a sudden thought hit her, Xander must have felt more left-out than her; he was left out of most things, even before they'd entered college. Now she knew how it felt…and she hated it.

As soon as day broke she was going over to Xander's, she needed to apologize to him for not letting him be more involved in everything. Buffy had kept him out of the fights for whatever reasons; she hadn't disagreed with the Slayer because, quite frankly, she didn't want to see her best friend killed.

He was so courageous, so darn loyal, that he would jump into the fray to save his friends regardless of his own welfare; she'd just wanted to see him grow up so she had agreed with Buffy.

Maybe in some ways that had been a good thing to do, but in others maybe not so much; sometimes the easiest way to get killed is have your friends crush your sense of self-worth.

She definitely needed to apologize.

And then what?

Stay here where they weren't even wanted? Did they really want to die doing something for someone that wasn't going to ever be appreciated? Heck no!

Did she want her best friend and her boyfriend to, someday, get killed in some fight for someone that didn't want them to fight for them anyway?

At the moment she couldn't think of anything worse. She wasn't going to let her loved ones die for no reason, they weren't even helping.

They were just kept around for Buffy morale, nothing more. Maybe not even that anymore considering that Buffy seemed to want to push them all away; Willow didn't like being pushed away…it reminded her too much of her parents when they started getting too involved into their damn work.

Her friends were going to get killed doing something that Buffy didn't even want them to do.

No, they weren't; she wasn't going to let that happen.

Willow sat up, shaking slightly with the pent-up emotions, and said into the darkness, "Anything but that, there has to be another way."

What 'way'? They obviously weren't needed or wanted around Sunnydale, and could be doing better outside this town.

She could be going to a better college, heck, maybe if Giles gave her some information on a coven that taught witches how to control their magic she could really fight the good fight. She wanted to do that more than anything, but Buffy wasn't letting her.

If she even did leave Sunnydale she'd still keep fighting evil, but on her own terms and not Buffy's- she was no one's side-kick.

Or hey! Even better! She could, hopefully, get Xander away from his parents…she knew that they were kicking the stuffing out of him, they always did. She'd seen it plenty enough times; she hated him being stuck there.

She'd gone over to Xander's house when he'd stated that he wasn't going to college after high school; she knew that he'd be stuck at home if that happened. If he'd just gone to college, like she'd begged him to do, he would be living in one of the dorm-rooms and NOT at that house.

Why didn't he listen to her?

Willow bent her knees up to her chest and hugged them, glad that Buffy was off somewhere else for the night, and tucked her hair behind her ears, "The only thing he hates more than his parents is the classroom. 'sides, they wouldn't have paid for him to go to college anyway…stupid parents."

She wondered what they were going to do. She lay back in bed again and tried to go back to sleep.

One thing was for sure, there was no WAY she was going to let the two people she loved more than life itself get killed for no reason…or at all.

She just knew that if she let Xander and Oz stay in Sunnydale they'd both end up dead; just like the others…and so would she. But then again, if they did die she'd wish she was six-feet under anyway so…

She'd talk to them tomorrow.