The love I loved the most
"I can't take one more step towards you, cause all that's waiting is regret..."
The radio played out the song; it echoed through the upper room and washed over its occupant, Harley Quinn. She sighed and looked down the street. It had been one month since she'd left Mistah J. It had almost been funny. They had fought about tons of stuff, but what had sent her over the edge was him telling her at some party,
"Stay away from Thorne."
Why should she avoid him, he had been nice to her? Just one more of his ridiculous demands. Well she was tired of them. Now here she was in Thorne's penthouse, she was Thorne's girlfriend. She didn't get to do much though. Joker was a jerk but he had kept her close, like he cared, like he love- no she wasn't going to do this to herself. She was with Thorne now. Not that she saw him much. He came up at night and for discipline. Her body was still bruised from the beating his bodyguard gave her after she had worn her harlequin outfit. After the beating, he had leaned down close to her, and hissed in her ear,
"Costumes are for circus performers, not the girlfriends of mob bosses."
Well she couldn't go back to her old life. It pulled at her heartstrings though, to think how she'd left. When she was leaving, he hadn't yelled he had just and looked at her and said, "Please." Somehow that was worse.
But now he was having revenge. A war was going on between the "Waryerz ", a gang owned by Thorne, and the "Demonz" a much larger gang that had been recently bought by the Joker. The Waryerz were getting rear kicked, and were losing ground. Thorne was losing face. There was going to be an ultimatum tonight. Probably money.
The door swung open and Thorne walked in followed by Jonathan, his bodyguard. She opened her mouth to ask why he was there, when Jonathan's first punched her gut. He staggered when the next sent her sprawling. The beating continued. His steel –toed boot connected again and again, with her ribs, her spine, her face. Until, with a loud crack her nose broke. Thorne held up his hand and the onslaught stopped.
"I've been informed you sent correspondence to Poison Ivy, I thought I had made it clear that part of your life was over."
He waved his hand and Jonathan kicked her into a desk. The lamp fell off and crashed into the side of her head. She felt the blood dripping through her hair. She barely acknowledged Thorne leaving. Her body was having an argument. "Joker's just as bad" Her brain screamed, her mind raced and with a thud found the memory her heart had been looking for;
Her Puddin had been upset, not really mad, but upset. So when he hit his head on the doorjamb, she jumped up to check on him. He pushed her way, annoyed. The momentum in her foot caught the rug, sending her crashing into a table. A glass smashed on her head. Once again, she could fell the warm crimson liquid running down the side of her head. He growled and harshly dragged her up from the ground and pulled her into the bathroom. He flipped her hair over in the sink and ran the water. His hands gentled when he probed through her hair, removing all the stray glass. He carefully toweled her hair and sat her down on the rim of the tub. He rummaged through the cabinet and pulled out a small bottle. "Open", he commanded and she obediently opened her mouth. He poured some of the liquid down her throat. The pain in the back of her head waned and faded into a thick, syrupy numbness. He carefully stitched up her cuts and kissed the back of her head. "Hurt?" She shook her head. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her…
She picked herself up from the ground and walked downstairs. She perked up her head when she heard voices. Thorne had company. She checked herself; shirt, pants, socks. A little bit of blood on her shirt. She stepped into the bathroom. Her hair was bloody and matted. The side of her face was puffy and swollen. Her left eye was swelling up and turning purple. She sighed and used a towel to expunge the blood off her shirt. She was soaking her hair to rinse the blood out, when she heard a man's voice loudly exclaim:"What the hell!" She turned. It was Johnny. He worked for pudd-Joker. "He, he did his to you?" he asked. "Don't tell Mistah J." The last thing she wanted was for him to know his ex-harlequin was getting beat up. He'd be thrilled. "James!" a voice called down the hallway. Johnny looked at her, "Please!" She pleaded. He shook his head and darted out. Great now everyone could know she'd traded one jerk for another. She stepped out of the bathroom. The sound of voices drew closer, so she ducked behind the stairs. Then there he was, Puddin. "We hate him." her brain lied. Joy, delirious glee. Her breathing staggered. She wanted to jump out into his arms and shout" Mistah J, I'm here save me!" She went as far as to open her mouth, and then shut it. He'd laugh. He'd tell her she was worthless, she deserved every strike. And she'd melt at the sound of his voice. Then she'd die. So she slunk back. Thorne appeared, "come now, we're men of business, surely there's some bargain –"No." Joker cut him off. "But surely," "That's the bargain, if you don't want it," he laughed, (Oh his laugh, how'd she missed it!),"buy some life insurance!" She waited until the door closed. And pattered upstairs. She threw herself at the window, desperate for a sight of him. He was almost to his car, when Johnny caught up to him. He quickly explained something to him and gestured towards, her window. She quickly ducked her head when Joker turned her way. She didn't want him to see her. Jonathan, peeked in her room, and saw her. "Pathetic," he snorted. When his car drove off, she fell back on the bed. She couldn't stay. She couldn't think of anyone, who wouldn't give her over to either Thorne or maybe Batsy. Except… she smiled. She threw her stuff in a bag and ducked down the stairs. No guards….. Good. She darted out the door.
The sign said "Planetarium". It had been abandoned for years. She knocked. She had walked all the way downtown, please let her be home. The door swung open," What!" The woman, who opened the door, was shocked. "Harls?" Harley smiled hesitantly," Hey, Red" Ivy looked her friend in the face, "what the-"'Can I come in" Harley cut her off.' Yeah, um come in," Harley smiled and stepped in. Ivy shut the door. "Did the Joker do this to you?" She demanded. "Uh no, I've been with Thorne." Red was taken aback. "Thorne!" "Yeah, for about a month."" Why did he do this to you!" " For sending you a letter" "But it didn't say anything!" "Uh, it wasn't what was in the letter, it was for writing it." Harley turned and saw Red's expression. "He totaled your face for writing a letter!" "Yep, so I left, can I crash with you?" Ivy opened her mouth and something came to her. "Did you tell Joker what he did to you?" Harley stared at her, "Oh yeah, right between I'm leaving and the guy I left you for beats me." Red put her head in her hands." Why does it matter?" "Because he's the only one that can protect you and get back at Thorne." Harley flopped on the couch. "Well to bad because I ain't going back, he'd laugh." "Did you ask him?" "No!" Harley was surprised when Ivy's tone changed. "Harley why don't you lie down on the couch and rest? I have to call a man about err, a plant problem." Harley nodded. Ivy came over and injected something in her arm. Harley looked at her questioningly. "To help you sleep." Ivy went over to the phone and dialed a number.
"What?" Joker said annoyed on the phone, he looked at the caller I.D. "Ivy, what is this about, I'm expecting a call about a mutual friend so if you don't-""A friend who wears a jester outfit?" Joker froze." Harleys with you?" "Yeah, she doesn't look so good; Thorne beat her up really bad. She heard a sharp intake of breath. "Joker?" "He…hurt her!" he hissed through his teeth." I'm… going to… kill him… I'm going to tear him limb from limb!" Ivy gave a small smile; this was the response she had wanted him to have. "Hold off on that, can you come get her? He'll come looking for her and I can't protect her from fifty- something armed thugs." Joker agreed. "I gave her something to knock her out, but," She braced herself, "You're not going to take this out on her are you?" She could almost hear the phone crack. "You think I'd….hurt her, after he beat the crap out of her! I begged her not to go, I started a small war to get her back, and you think I'd hurt her!" Ivy sighed, "You never know." 'I'll be over in 10." He hung up. Ivy sighed and looked at her friend. I hope I'm doing the right thing. A few minutes later the door opened, Joker stepped in. Ivy put her fingers to her lips and gestured to Harley's slumbering form. Joker nodded and kneeled down next to her. He gently moved the hair from her face and closed his eyes when he saw the blood and bruises. "Why?" he muttered, sounding pained. Ivy decided not to mention the letter. He flopped into a chair and covered his face with his hands. "Dammit," he whispered it, so Ivy didn't think she'd heard him right the first time. "Dam, dam, DAM IT!" he moaned, growing in volume with each utterance. "I can do anything, blow stuff up, get shot, all sorts of crap," he gave a pained laugh, "except keep her safe." Ivy was shocked. He's not supposed to care; he's supposed to just think of her as property. She put her hand out as if she was going to comfort him, but decided against it. He didn't miss it; "Considering something Red?" he smirks, "Of course! I'm supposed to be the bad guy." His smile falters, "But with her, how could I not." "And why the hell, am I talking to you about this?" he stood up and paced quickly, then sat down again. He glared at Harley, "I hate you." And then put his head in his hands again and muttered," Lies, I love you." Ivy watched and kind of got why Harley was always going on about a difficult relationship. Harley stirred. Joker froze, she turned over. He smiled. He walked over and carefully picked her up. She nuzzled closer into him; he smiled "We're going home." The statement was directed to Ivy, but Harley sighed, "Kay Mistah J" he looked at her sharply, but she was asleep. He gave a shrug and carried her out the door. Ivy shut the door behind him. "No," she shook her head, "Not possible" It was so ridiculous, it wasn't even worth a thought. But it troubled her all night.
Harley opened her eyes. Where was she? Ivy must have moved- no she knew these sheets. She felt eyes on the back of her head. She turned and felt it slip through her lips. "Shit." "Missed you too doll." Joker replied and smiled. "How's my harlequin?" Shit.
She jumped up out of the bed and was getting ready to bolt to the door, but felt really dizzy. She staggered. He grabbed her arm to steady her. She pulled away. "Harley", he said testily, "Get back in bed." "Um no, I don't think so," she replied and tried to get up. She almost made it to the bedroom door, when she fell. Joker caught her and forcefully put her back in the bed. When she tried to get up again, he leaned down in front of her. "Where are you going" he asked. "Home" she snarled and tried to push him away. He refused to budge. "Which is where exactly?" That stopped her. He smiled at her. His signature grin. She tried to avoid his eyes but he pulled her chin to look at him. "Where are you going?" She didn't know. "Ivy's" she decided. "Uh, uh." He told her,"She'll send you right back." "Thorne's" "Back to a brute who beats you?" "Why not? I've done it lots of times!" Ouch, that hurt. He moved. She got up and walked to the door. She turned. He was still on the edge of the bed, head in hands. Shit. She sighed and walked back over to the bed and sat down next to him. He looked up at her and smiled. She sighed again and put her head on his shoulder. "We're really messed up." Harley informed him. He rubbed her side, "Yes we are." She brought her head up. "But why?" The question caught him by surprise. "Why what?" "Why do you care? I mean breaking out Harley Quinn must have been fun, but how do you not, you know-", She fell back onto the bed, "Not kill me?" He pulled her up and looked her in the eyes. "Because, your you." "How does that make sense?" He sighed. "O.k., let me explain, have you heard of Michelangelo?" She rolled her eyes, "Even I'm not that thick." "O.k., pretend he made a painting, but he couldn't finish it. It would annoy him that he didn't know how to finish it, but he wouldn't be able to trash it because he was the only one who got that it was better unfinished. Everyone would think stone Davy was his favorite, but it would actually be the annoying painting because it was his and know one else got it." "So you don't kill me, because I feed your ego?" "No, because you don't make sense." He smiled and rubbed her hands. "You should hate me or be a complete brain dead zombie, but your not." He threw up his hands, "You're a crazy cliché of nature." He pulled her closer and murmured in her ear, "And I love crazy things." She closed her eyes. He looked at her puzzled, and let go of her. "You Ok Harl, why are you crying?" He looked at her stitches, "Are you hurting?" "No" she put her arms around him and smiled, "I'm happy" He still looked puzzled. She smiled bigger,"You almost said you loved me." She held him tighter, and then gave him an upset face. "Which makes me feel bad, cause that's why I left." She burrowed farther into his chest. "Wait, wait you left because you thought I didn't care?" she nodded. "Then why didn't you come back when the gang war started?" "Why would I come back because of that?" "Because that was my bargain with Thorne." She looked up at him, "What?" he stared at her. "My bargain with Thorne, Johnny told me he'd seen you in the bathroom and he confronted Thorne about it. Thorne told hi you'd fell or something. Thorne told me he'd given you my bargain idea, but that you didn't want it. I assumed that's why he'd beaten you up." Harley gave a humorless laugh, "Huh huh no-o, he never gave me any type of bargain. He took pleasure in telling me that you'd never come back. Especially cause-"she cut off. Joker gave her a strange look. "Cause what?" "Nothing." A thought occurred to him. "Did you and him-?" he left it at that. She didn't answer, but he knew the answer by the look in her eyes. "So he'd told you that since you and he did uh stuff, I wouldn't want you anymore." She nodded with tears in her eyes. It was quiet it for a moment. All Harley could thin was; Thorne was right, here it comes... "And you believed him! Seriously you believed I wouldn't want you because he's a creep!" Joker was astounded. Harley started crying. "Harley, the only thing that disgusts me, is that he would use you like that!" he looked at her. "Oh, and you'll probably need a shower." He shuddered. Harley looked at him,"Why don't you hate me!" He looked confused. "Do you want me to hate you?" "Of course not! But I cheated on you!" "Harley, you were confused! I'm guessing you regret it and I was afraid that you actually had feelings for him!" she looked astounded. "Why the hell would I want Thorne over you?" he shrugged. "I assumed that's why you ran off with him…, but you don't like him like you feel for me?" "You are comparing a 16th of half a grain of sand to the universe." She replied. "Phew good, I was beginning to question your sanity." She giggled. "Seriously, I would forgive for about anything in those circumstances, except maybe Harv." He shuddered again, "Maybe after I stopped having nightmares." He smiled at her while she laughed. She cuddled up closer to him. "I love you." He kissed the top of her head. "You too, go to sleep." As she lay there, feeling safe and happy, a thought came to her. Someday I'll get him to say I love you back. She yawned as her eyelids drooped.Someday.