Never Let You Go
'I love you.'
Those three little words. So small and innocent. By themselves, they don't mean much, but when you put them together, they're able to make or break someone.
I've had people telling me those words most of my life. But they were always meaningless. Though they said the words, they never meant it. People say them so easily, without all the emotion behind it. Which is probably why I've never said them. I learnt long ago emotion is pain.
You said those magical words to me for the first time, a few months ago. And I remember how you smiled. How your eyes lit up, and your face shone. I've never seen you look so beautiful, so perfect. And I knew you were telling the truth. You really did love me. But for some reason, even as I looked on with awe, I couldn't reply. I couldn't say those words. But you smiled, and were happy anyway. And I loved you.
As time passed I grew to love those words almost as much as you. They had meaning when they came from your lips. Every week or so, you'd bounce on over, all bright and cheery and just say it. 'I love you.' Totally spontaneous and heartfelt. It made me feel special. Like I'm worthy of something.
But I'm not worthy of you.
As more time passed, the words, as with your smiles, faded. You said it less often, and when you did, that light which used to light up your face had dimmed. Each time you said it, and I couldn't reply, I watched a little bit of that light inside of you die. Your eyes still shone, but I remember it was more from pain than love. I knew what you wanted. You wanted to hear those words come from my lips. You want me to tell you I love you. But I can't. Even as I looked upon those eyes, filling with pain day by day, I still couldn't say it.
'I love you.'
And then one day, you stopped. I waited, and waited for you to say it again. I longed for it, dreamt of it. And yet it didn't happen. We still lived together, we still slept together, and occasionally between moans you would say you love me. But it didn't have meaning anymore, and we went from making love, to having sex. It broke my heart.
Then that day came. And my waiting stopped. And I think somewhere in between, my heart stopped. When you decided you couldn't take it anymore. You walked up to me, eyes filled with pain and love, and you kissed my cheek. Then you said 'I love you.' And left.
And I still couldn't say I love you. I simply watched as you walked away, tears rolling down those soft cheeks I love so much. Maybe if I'd said something, we wouldn't be where we are now. Maybe you would have stayed, and we'd be lying on my bed, with you asleep in my arms.
Instead of lying in the dirt, with you dying in my arms.
I don't know how it happened. How that great gaping wound ended up in your chest. But when it happened, I felt it. It was like my own heart was being torn out. And I knew. I knew you were hurt. I knew you were dying. And I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing you again. Of never seeing that light fill your eyes when you say you love me. Even though I know you'll never stay it again. Because even now that we're apart, I still can't say I love you. But just because I can't doesn't mean somebody else can't either. Even if you won't say you love me, you could have shared those words with someone else.
But your dying now, the dark blood pumping sluggishly. And it's all my fault, because I took your love and never gave it back. But it seems that there is still a little left, because even as you die, you open those eyes. And instead or pain, instead of blood, instead of death. They're filled with love. And I watch as your lips move one last time.
'…I love you.'
And I can't help it any longer. I want to say it so much, but I can't. Even as your spirit flees, and the tears roll down my cheek, I still can't say it. So instead, I scream it in my mind.
'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you'
Maybe if I scream it enough, you'll come back. But the light fades, and you're no longer there. And even though you're gone, I know you still hear me. Because I hold all your love, deep within my heart. The same love you gave me with your soul. And I'll hold it tight forever, and never let you go.
(-cries-) How could I be so cruel? I wrote this in my head, as I was falling asleep last night. Then this afternoon, I remembered it, and wrote it down as best as I could remember (it was better before) In the original, Naruto didn't die. Sasuke was saying he love him, and he lived. But it just didn't seem to work this time. So I had to let him die. And I bawled my eyes out over it too. I hate character death.
But I spose that gives me a motto for this story... two, sort of.
Better to have loved and lost, than to never love at all.
When you love someone, tell them everyday, because otherwise you might not be able to.
I'm sort of thinking of doing a sequel, of Sasuke after Naruto's death. But don't hold your breathe.
Bye all.
'I love you.'
Those three little words. So small and innocent. By themselves, they don't mean much, but when you put them together, they're able to make or break someone.
I've had people telling me those words most of my life. But they were always meaningless. Though they said the words, they never meant it. People say them so easily, without all the emotion behind it. Which is probably why I've never said them. I learnt long ago emotion is pain.
You said those magical words to me for the first time, a few months ago. And I remember how you smiled. How your eyes lit up, and your face shone. I've never seen you look so beautiful, so perfect. And I knew you were telling the truth. You really did love me. But for some reason, even as I looked on with awe, I couldn't reply. I couldn't say those words. But you smiled, and were happy anyway. And I loved you.
As time passed I grew to love those words almost as much as you. They had meaning when they came from your lips. Every week or so, you'd bounce on over, all bright and cheery and just say it. 'I love you.' Totally spontaneous and heartfelt. It made me feel special. Like I'm worthy of something.
But I'm not worthy of you.
As more time passed, the words, as with your smiles, faded. You said it less often, and when you did, that light which used to light up your face had dimmed. Each time you said it, and I couldn't reply, I watched a little bit of that light inside of you die. Your eyes still shone, but I remember it was more from pain than love. I knew what you wanted. You wanted to hear those words come from my lips. You want me to tell you I love you. But I can't. Even as I looked upon those eyes, filling with pain day by day, I still couldn't say it.
'I love you.'
And then one day, you stopped. I waited, and waited for you to say it again. I longed for it, dreamt of it. And yet it didn't happen. We still lived together, we still slept together, and occasionally between moans you would say you love me. But it didn't have meaning anymore, and we went from making love, to having sex. It broke my heart.
Then that day came. And my waiting stopped. And I think somewhere in between, my heart stopped. When you decided you couldn't take it anymore. You walked up to me, eyes filled with pain and love, and you kissed my cheek. Then you said 'I love you.' And left.
And I still couldn't say I love you. I simply watched as you walked away, tears rolling down those soft cheeks I love so much. Maybe if I'd said something, we wouldn't be where we are now. Maybe you would have stayed, and we'd be lying on my bed, with you asleep in my arms.
Instead of lying in the dirt, with you dying in my arms.
I don't know how it happened. How that great gaping wound ended up in your chest. But when it happened, I felt it. It was like my own heart was being torn out. And I knew. I knew you were hurt. I knew you were dying. And I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing you again. Of never seeing that light fill your eyes when you say you love me. Even though I know you'll never stay it again. Because even now that we're apart, I still can't say I love you. But just because I can't doesn't mean somebody else can't either. Even if you won't say you love me, you could have shared those words with someone else.
But your dying now, the dark blood pumping sluggishly. And it's all my fault, because I took your love and never gave it back. But it seems that there is still a little left, because even as you die, you open those eyes. And instead or pain, instead of blood, instead of death. They're filled with love. And I watch as your lips move one last time.
'…I love you.'
And I can't help it any longer. I want to say it so much, but I can't. Even as your spirit flees, and the tears roll down my cheek, I still can't say it. So instead, I scream it in my mind.
'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you'
Maybe if I scream it enough, you'll come back. But the light fades, and you're no longer there. And even though you're gone, I know you still hear me. Because I hold all your love, deep within my heart. The same love you gave me with your soul. And I'll hold it tight forever, and never let you go.
(-cries-) How could I be so cruel? I wrote this in my head, as I was falling asleep last night. Then this afternoon, I remembered it, and wrote it down as best as I could remember (it was better before) In the original, Naruto didn't die. Sasuke was saying he love him, and he lived. But it just didn't seem to work this time. So I had to let him die. And I bawled my eyes out over it too. I hate character death.
But I spose that gives me a motto for this story... two, sort of.
Better to have loved and lost, than to never love at all.
When you love someone, tell them everyday, because otherwise you might not be able to.
I'm sort of thinking of doing a sequel, of Sasuke after Naruto's death. But don't hold your breathe.
Bye all.