Inside Information by Jo. R
Rating: PG
Category: Thoughts, Sheppard/Weir
Warnings: None
Spoilers/Sequel: General Atlantis info, set future season.
Summary: A few minutes in the mind of Major John Sheppard
Disclaimer: The characters still aren't mine, nor is Atlantis. But I can dream.
He doesn't know why she chose to take the risk of never going back to Earth, of never seeing her friends and family again.
He doesn't know her favourite colour or favourite flower or favourite kind of meal – Italian, Indian, Chinese…
He doesn't know why she chose the profession she did or what colleges and universities she went to to get her qualifications.
He doesn't know if she gets along with her parents or if her parents are even still alive or if she has any brothers and sisters.
He doesn't know why she accepted the position at the SGC or why she transferred to the Ancient's outpost in Antarctica.
He doesn't even know why she chose him, why she was so insistent that he join her team. Other than the fact he had the Ancient gene, of course, assuming there was another reason.
He doesn't know what she really thought about Atlantis, about the Wraith, about the Athosians or even him and the other members of her team. Doctor Weir kept to herself a lot, her opinions and thoughts carefully guarded secrets he did know how to get access to.
He doesn't know how she managed to bring so many changes of clothes with her in such a small bag. He'd asked her once, late at night, but her only answer was a soft laugh, a secretive smile and a quiet hint that she'd had 'insiders information'.
He doesn't know if there was anything between her and the men of the SGC she sometimes mentioned. General O'Neill, Dr. Jackson – Daniel, she corrected herself once with a knowing smile – and even someone called Teal'c he thinks might be the infamous alien member of SG-1. He didn't know, though, and she hadn't told him.
He doesn't know the details of her relationship with Simon – he doesn't even known his last name – but she'd told him the relationship was over and he had no reason not to doubt her.
He doesn't know how she really feels about Teyla, whether she trusts her or still has some hidden suspicions. He doesn't know for a fact that she's jealous of the time he spends with her though he likes to think she is, even if only a little bit.
He doesn't know a lot about Doctor Weir, as his boss tends to keep herself to herself. It was better that way, better to keep a professional distance.
He knows a lot about Elizabeth, though. A lot more than anyone else or Atlantis did with perhaps Doctor Beckett being the only exception.
He knows her eyes change colours depending on her mood. If she's troubled or deep in thought they go hazel and if she's happy or in a teasing mood they go green.
He knows that she's afraid of the wraith coming to Atlantis. That she would feel better if the Athosians were in the city instead of on the mainland but that she accepted it was what they wanted.
He knows she feels guilty for bringing them all to the Pegasus galaxy, for putting them at risk and not considering the possibility that there could be an enemy waiting for them to arrive.
He knows she likes the balcony, likes escaping to it as often as possible whether or not there was a reason for it like a social gathering she's trying to avoid or whether she just wants some time and space to herself.
He knows she liked the ocean and wants to explore the mainland to see if the beaches there compared to the ones she'd left at home. (She was originally from LA, she'd told him once.) He also knows she's afraid of flying in the puddle jumper and will avoid it for as long as possible although he is planning on tricking her into it one of these days.
He knows she wants to go off-world, knows she hates watching them leave without her. It frustrates her that she isn't free to join them, and it worries her whenever they're late, especially if they're even just a minute overdue.
He knows she looks forward to their return, that when they arrive in one piece it's a weight off her mind. Happy, too. She shows them all in different ways, with smiles and small talk, and other ways with him.
He knows she spends hours checking up on those who come back injured or hurt. That Beckett has threatened to have her bodily removed from the infirmary on more than one occasion – especially if he's the one recovering but he hasn't pointed that out to her and he doubts Beckett has either.
He knows she wants to keep their relationship a secret in case it impacts on Doctor Weir's reputation, in case someone accuses her of favouritism. But he knows she wants to be open about it sometimes, that she wants to be able to sit next to him and watch movies or the games he knows she tolerates for his sake. He knows she'd like to curl up beside him, under his arm, and rest her head on his shoulder with no regard for whether anyone sees them or not.
He knows she has nightmares sometimes. He knows she dreams of the wraith attacking them, killing everyone including the Athosian children. He knows she sees his death in those nightmares, that when she does she moves further into his arms and tightens her own around him almost to the point of desperation.
He knows she likes it when he wakes her up from those dreams.
He knows she likes it when he leaves biting kisses across her shoulders and he knows the sound she makes when he does.
He knows she doesn't sleep when he's away and that she waits until he falls asleep after a mission before giving into sleep herself, just in case he has nightmares, too. Just in case there's something he hasn't told her.
He knows Elizabeth much better than he knows Doctor Weir and that's the way he likes it for now.
One day, when they've been there long enough for everyone to start pairing up, when it becomes impossible to pretend they aren't anything more than friends, he'll get the opportunity to learn about Doctor Weir.
One day.
Fini