Bill: My pet duck (Which I've actually seen on that show) seems to be really secluded lately...
Lady: Let me find out what is wrong... *Kneels down and breaks a hip*
Lady: What's wrong?
Duck: Quack............
Lady: REALLY!?
Duck: ....
Lady: o_O
Duck: Quack....
Bill: What's wrong?
Lady: *Several small cracking noises are heard as she gets up form kneeling position*
Lady: I need to talk to you in private...
Bill: Please..
Duck: Quack.....
Lady: Alright. He says at night, you spread peanut butter all over his body, and lick it off. Especially around the behind area.
Audience: o_O
Bill:
_
_
_
_
Duck: Quack....
Audience: รด_O
Lady: He also says that when you had the sex change operation, that you fell madly in love with the doctor and you danced in the ballroom all night long...
Bill: I live in an apartment... AND I'VE HAD THIS GIGANTIC PENIS SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN!
Duck: Quack...
Lady: OKAY! Now who might this be?
Lillian: *Holding worm* This is my pet worm, he also seems distressed.
Lady: Oooh... he's very beautiful!
Lillian: I know, heehee.
Lady: *Puts worm in hand* Tell me, handsome fellow...what is bothering your inner-self?
Worm: *squirms around*
Lady: *Sigh*
Lillian: What is it?
Lady: Your worm has caught AIDS from unprotected sex...
Little girl watching TV: This bitch is crazy...
Lady: NEXT!!!! *Walks to another woman*
Lady: Where is your animal?
Lisa: *Holds out a cat skeleton* Right here ^_^
Lady: Ummm....... what's wrong?
Lisa: Oh, Mr.Fluffles here *Skeleton's arm breaks off* tells me that he has wild sex fetishes that involve a whip, old man and a fat woman in a bikini. He is starting to scare me, how can I get him to stop these fantasies!?
Lady: Ehhh.... *Bends over to woman as her shirt goes up to reveal the top of her ass crack*
Lady: Honey, YOU'RE CRAZY YOU STUPID HO!!! *Strangles woman*
- Long beep-
COMMERCIAL:
Woman: *Doing gymnastics* I have genital warts.... *Shows her bungee jumping* When I was diagnosed, I beat my boyfriend senseless and then proceeded to slaughter his entire family...
Woman: But NOW, I've taken power, genital warts don't get to me anymore, I'll still be the same little slut I always was and sleep with any AND every guy I see so I can just catch another sexually transmitted disease...
Man: I've always been self concious about my incredibly small penis, and when I got genital warts, I KNEW I would never have sex agian, no matter HOW drunk I got any woman... *Shows him driving sports car*.......*sports car crashes into wall and explodes*
Announcer: This drug is not for everyone, although there are no side effects, no one will ever sleep with you again knowing that you are a little whore who's vagina is infested with disgusting warts because ONE NIGHT, YOU DECIDED TO FU... Oh shit, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS REHEARSAL! YOU SON OF A - BEEP-
END COMMERCIAL:
Lady: *With hair all messy now* Well now, it seems we've got quite of an action-packed show...HAHAHAHAHHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Everyone: *Cricket chirps*
Lady: ANYWAY, who might this be?
Chris: *Has a cow laying on top of him*
Chris: This is......*Gasps for air* Mi......Milky! I just.......*gasps for air* wan.......ted to bring..............him *gasps for air* to the show!
Lady: Well, I'd gladly have a conversation with him! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Lady: Milky, what's the matter?
Milky: MOOO!!!! MOO GOD DAMMIT! I SAID MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lady: Milky says he's hungry
Chris: I fed him during............*gasps for air* the commercial.......BREAK! *CRUNCH*
Lady: Are you alright? *Bends over as several little cracking sounds are heard again*
Chris: *Dead*
Milky: MOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU SONS OF BITCHES! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Lady: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight!!!!! Meow, Woof, GOODBYE!!!
Lady: Let me find out what is wrong... *Kneels down and breaks a hip*
Lady: What's wrong?
Duck: Quack............
Lady: REALLY!?
Duck: ....
Lady: o_O
Duck: Quack....
Bill: What's wrong?
Lady: *Several small cracking noises are heard as she gets up form kneeling position*
Lady: I need to talk to you in private...
Bill: Please..
Duck: Quack.....
Lady: Alright. He says at night, you spread peanut butter all over his body, and lick it off. Especially around the behind area.
Audience: o_O
Bill:
_
_
_
_
Duck: Quack....
Audience: รด_O
Lady: He also says that when you had the sex change operation, that you fell madly in love with the doctor and you danced in the ballroom all night long...
Bill: I live in an apartment... AND I'VE HAD THIS GIGANTIC PENIS SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN!
Duck: Quack...
Lady: OKAY! Now who might this be?
Lillian: *Holding worm* This is my pet worm, he also seems distressed.
Lady: Oooh... he's very beautiful!
Lillian: I know, heehee.
Lady: *Puts worm in hand* Tell me, handsome fellow...what is bothering your inner-self?
Worm: *squirms around*
Lady: *Sigh*
Lillian: What is it?
Lady: Your worm has caught AIDS from unprotected sex...
Little girl watching TV: This bitch is crazy...
Lady: NEXT!!!! *Walks to another woman*
Lady: Where is your animal?
Lisa: *Holds out a cat skeleton* Right here ^_^
Lady: Ummm....... what's wrong?
Lisa: Oh, Mr.Fluffles here *Skeleton's arm breaks off* tells me that he has wild sex fetishes that involve a whip, old man and a fat woman in a bikini. He is starting to scare me, how can I get him to stop these fantasies!?
Lady: Ehhh.... *Bends over to woman as her shirt goes up to reveal the top of her ass crack*
Lady: Honey, YOU'RE CRAZY YOU STUPID HO!!! *Strangles woman*
- Long beep-
COMMERCIAL:
Woman: *Doing gymnastics* I have genital warts.... *Shows her bungee jumping* When I was diagnosed, I beat my boyfriend senseless and then proceeded to slaughter his entire family...
Woman: But NOW, I've taken power, genital warts don't get to me anymore, I'll still be the same little slut I always was and sleep with any AND every guy I see so I can just catch another sexually transmitted disease...
Man: I've always been self concious about my incredibly small penis, and when I got genital warts, I KNEW I would never have sex agian, no matter HOW drunk I got any woman... *Shows him driving sports car*.......*sports car crashes into wall and explodes*
Announcer: This drug is not for everyone, although there are no side effects, no one will ever sleep with you again knowing that you are a little whore who's vagina is infested with disgusting warts because ONE NIGHT, YOU DECIDED TO FU... Oh shit, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS REHEARSAL! YOU SON OF A - BEEP-
END COMMERCIAL:
Lady: *With hair all messy now* Well now, it seems we've got quite of an action-packed show...HAHAHAHAHHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Everyone: *Cricket chirps*
Lady: ANYWAY, who might this be?
Chris: *Has a cow laying on top of him*
Chris: This is......*Gasps for air* Mi......Milky! I just.......*gasps for air* wan.......ted to bring..............him *gasps for air* to the show!
Lady: Well, I'd gladly have a conversation with him! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Lady: Milky, what's the matter?
Milky: MOOO!!!! MOO GOD DAMMIT! I SAID MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lady: Milky says he's hungry
Chris: I fed him during............*gasps for air* the commercial.......BREAK! *CRUNCH*
Lady: Are you alright? *Bends over as several little cracking sounds are heard again*
Chris: *Dead*
Milky: MOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU SONS OF BITCHES! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Lady: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight!!!!! Meow, Woof, GOODBYE!!!