Chapter 1

Ever since middle school, I knew I was vulnerable. Even before then, I was always picked on. I didn't know my left or rights, my speech was always weird. I never really had any friends. My name is John Egbert and today is my last day.

When I started middle school, it seemed great. There were a lot of new people to befriend. But none of them wanted to be my friend. I always had a desperate need for a friend, but why would anyone be friends with a freak loser? I've heard the words before, freak, loser, worthless, nerd, and at times, there were words that were far worse such as faggot. That word has always gotten to me and each year, it got worse.

The 7th grade, I made a partial friend, in which later, he left me. I trusted him, but instead, he stabbed my back and it was back to being a friendless loser. After the loss of a friend, that's when the bullying started getting worse. Since I have told him everything about me, he started spreading them around to his other friends. People called me names I shouldn't be called. Some even told me to kill myself. Everyone looked at me as if I was an easy target.

I was always humiliated. I was terrified to go to school every morning. My dad would always force me to school. My fellow classmates would torment me, take my things, hit me, and other horrible things. All of them were heartless creatures.

Sometimes, it's hard for me to even remember the last time I was happy, it must have been a year ago. During the 6th grade, I became depressed, had anxiety, insomnia, and bipolar disorder. When I knew about it, I knew in a snap that I would be unloved. I had always thought that the internet was the only escape to everything.

On the internet, I made a lot of friends like me. They knew how I felt. It was great to have friends that understood me. But the internet was also anonymous. I kept receiving anonymous hate mail and it was like school all over again. I told my online friends about it and they were the ones that always cheered me up.

But years went by and my online friends started getting other new friends. Three of my friends have left me so their other friends. Sometimes, I still do talk to them, but not as much as I used to. But two of my friends are still currently my real friends. One of them is named Dave and the other is named Jade.

Dave is my best friend. He is always there for me, and I mean always. Dave is the cool type. He always wears sunglasses and keeps his cool even when someone pisses him off. Except his bro. He and his bro would constantly sword fight with katanas on their apartment roof. It made no sense. Even so, I hardly ever see him miserable. There are days where he is awfully exhausted, but that's only on occasion. Everybody seems to love him because of his coolness, nothing like me. I'm always surprised on how well he can even handle me.

Now Jade. Jade always knows how to cheer me up. She was constantly happy every day. I never knew how she could be happy in this disgusting world we live in. But she still somehow manages to keep a smile on her face. It's lucky for her though. Since she lives on a big island with her grandpa, she is home schooled. But only her and her grandpa live on the island, it must be pretty lonely for her. But sometimes, I want to be in Jade's place for once, to be home schooled and be alone.

I also have another friend named Rose. I haven't talked to her in a while ever since she has gotten a girlfriend. Might I add she is a lesbian. But she has been with her girlfriend, Kanaya for about 3 months now. I already know they will last forever. Rose has always loved Kanaya. She would always talk about her and they would always be together. I doubt they would be seperateable. It would be nice if Rose started talking to me again though. I miss how she understood my problems and made me feel good about myself. I miss that.

The internet was such a great place full on many great people. I came across the dark side of the internet which was where cyberbullying started for me. Everyone who tormented me was like everyone in school, except everyone is anonymous. They hide behind their computer, because they don't have anything better to do. The fact that so many people are leaving anonymous hate though saddens me.

This world really is a mess.