The Right to Die
In this silent room the only inhabitants are ghosts. Ghost of the happy, carefree people we were before, when we thought there were no monsters, before we fell in love. The only inhabitants are ghosts, and me.
It is dark now; the moon is shining through my window, leaving s pool of light on the bed. Once this was my favorite time. I would sit and dream, about life when I was married, about my children, my husband, my Sam. Now I sit and mourn. I mourn for the life I never had. I mourn because I am growing older every day and no one is by my side. The others all have someone, someone to share their life with. I just sit and look at the moon.
The others only see me as angry. They think that I am a bitter shell, that I hate the rest of the world. In some ways they are right. I am a shell, I am bitter, and I do hate. In some ways they are wrong. I have a soul as damaged as it is, I am sad and hurt, and no matter how much I try I cannot hate Sam. I cannot hate the one who deserves it the most.
So instead I sit and wait. I wait as Sam lives out his perfect life with his perfect wife. I wait. They have a child. On the night of its birth I go over to their house. The rest of the pack is crammed in the bedroom, watching Emily hold the baby. The baby I was supposed to have. The baby that looks like Sam. No one hears me, no one sees me. I am invisible. I back away from the window, my paws padding along silently. I run to the cliff and phase back. This is the same cliff Bella dove off of the day long ago. There are differences. Now it is night, the sea is calm, but most importantly there is no one here. No one will save me, not even from myself. The one similarity between Bella and I is the most important. We are here, and we are trying to kill ourselves over the love of a boy.
I smile and step to the edge, my arms arched over my head. In that second all of our memories, the life we could have had, comes back to taunt me. Then he is there. He is in his wolf form, a dark shape rising out of the shadows. The pack is beside him, all of them torn away from the miracle, the miracle of Emily. I smile at him, a lofty smile. He cannot hurt me any more, no matter how much he tried. I turned back and jumped. As I flew through the air I felt invincible, I was alone, powerful, untouchable. Unbreakable.
I was floating in a world of murky shapes and shadows. It was cold and dark. It fit my heart.
Then I felt myself rise out of the water, a hand grasping me under the arm. No, no, no. all I wanted was to die! Why wouldn't they let me die?! I felt myself explode and turned to fight for the right to die.
After the pack pulled me out of the water, cold, naked, unable to fight anymore, I sat on the cliff and howled. Everyone else just stared. My pain had always been an amusement to them.